Who does not love a handsome cowboy in a SILK scarf!!!! Whistle Whistle!

Okay....1st off can I tell you two things I adore about my work. Okay three.

Number 1) I am allowed to use AS much PACKAGING tape as I feel like. YES I AM! At home...Corey has a huge thing about waste. And he doesn't like to share "his" tape...(amongst some other things). But at work I get to prepare boxes to be mailed. I love to do that for some reason. And I get to use the packaging tape and I get to use AS MUCH AS I WANT and NO ONE CARES!!!!!!!! And it has been confirmed....NO ONE CARES. And Gus even told me...there is no tape budget. As in....I can use as much as I want!!!! Luv it.

Number 2) I really love to use the paper shredder  It is some kind of  a turbo shredder because it can do lots of pages at one. And it can do credit cards. Sometimes it scares me because if I could fit my fingers in there it would truly shred them. But I REALLY like to shred the paper.

Number 3) I screwed up today. A customer and I inserted a fifty dollar pair of insoles in her shoes. When I rang her up I forgot I had put them in her shoes and she didn't bring me the packaging (not on purpose) and I forgot they were in there and didn't charge her. So I basically gave her fifty dollars. So when I saw the packaging on the floor I realized what happened and called to tell the boss. He says "Oh well, don't worry. Sometime these things happen. " And he was not annoyed at all. It made me think...how often to we give such GRACE to others? Especially our own children when they screw up....Right now, right off the bat, ... in my own life...I can think of one case for sure I haven't showed grace to someone.

I am exited for next Friday  We are going to MY work Christmas dinner! SO cool!. We are going to some place where they cook Japanese RIGHT in front of you. Fun.

Okay....sexy cowboy story. PLEASE don't think I am bragging or think that I am all that. The conversation this guy and I had answered a hugo question for me! And he was wearing a silk scarf. A fancy one. And he looked so handsome.

So...he was trying on several pair of hunting boots. Some customers had left abruptly and he teased that they told him I was a crappy sales person.

I informed him that I was not hurt by that. That I had three teenagers and was tough as nails.

He was shocked I was old enough to have three teenagers.

I told him I was 40.

He said I don't look forty (thank you night time slather of lotion! J/K. My face is really looking worse as I lose weight)

I thanked him and said I was annoyed at getting older. (Because. I. cannot. just. be. quiet.)

He said something to the affect, that I was hanging in there just fine. (which of course is appreciated. Especially since I am super hung up on not wanting to look old. I gotta get over it. I know I do. But it hurts!)

I said (because. I HAVE. to. share everything...)

That it annoys me that in aging men get to look distinguished and women get to look...old.

He said....that an older women is like a violin. They get better with age. (lol!!!)

Does this sound flirty and inappropriate? I swear it wasn't. He knew I was married and it wasn't like that.

So I said "If that is the case then why are men always with younger girls on their second relationships."

AND HE ANSWERED THE QUESTION THAT I HAVE SOUGHT FOR AN ANSWER FOR, FOR YEARS!!!!!

And it was a great answer.

He said.... Because the women their own age are too smart to take them. The men aren't mature enough so they have to go for the younger girls who are naive and think the men are "all that"!

I was like..."Holy Cow"!!!! That. is. so. smart! And right on!

Alright..Kinda dumb story now that I typed it all out.

Okay.....gotta go. Night.

I am going to snap. Just mentioning it. So you are all ready.

Another day of near crushing strain with the tasks of mother hood. I had like 6 places I had to transport kids to. And it is like that every day. It gets exhausting trying to keep everyone from touching the radio and fighting and adjusting the heat and rolling down the windows. I am seriously stressed after going in the car with them. Our van is dead and so we have been borrowing my dad's truck and so it is new and exciting. Sheesh.

Poor Bo. He had three timeouts in jujitsu. He didn't even want to go. He doesn't want to go because he gets timeouts.

I told him I would get him a cheeseburger if he had no time outs. He COULD NOT do it.

I know you all could say if I was stricter or expected more or held him accountable or did this or that, then Bo would behave. BUT. HE. LITERALLY. CAN. NOT. He wants to. He was very sad to be in the timeouts. HE. COULD. NOT. DO. IT.

He wasn't being mean. He was just wiggling EVERYWHERE and not listening. And the instructor is so wonderfully kind about it. But he has to have order.

So on the way home Bo recognized his old Dr. where we took him for meds. I said to Bo...

"Do you think the oil is working? Or should we go back to the pills."

He said the pills. I don't know if he knows. He probably doesn't remember the bad part of the pills.

But the problem with the oil is

1) It stinks.
2) You have to be diligent about applying it. And when I send it to school it becomes their problem and I am not sure they have time for it.
3) The 30 dollars worth of  oil was in a glass tube and BROKE in Bo's back pack today. UGH.
4) And I am not sure it is working. I need to talk to his teacher.

So...discouragement again.

I just saw a thing on Dr. Oz about adult women with ADHD and this Dr. had treated thousands of patients. He said if you can find the medicine that works they are VERY safe and have been around for over 70 years. He said they have an unwarranted horrible reputation.

I don't know what is best. I get tired of it being up to me to decide. It is hard to be the parent. I want to check myself in to a hotel and read and watch reality shows. Please who thinks I should do that also?

Oh!!! But I was going to tell you the whole reason I wrote this post! The oil was a concoction that my sweet friends Robyn and Melanie mixed for me. It is called  "Peaceful Child"

Bo told me he needed the "very very very very very peaceful child oil." BAHAAAA!!!! Super funny.

Also...on a happy note....Have you ever worn wool socks????? I had NO IDEA what was out there in the world that I was missing. Wool socks are the comfiest ever!!!! My boss gave me two pair and I have been a sock snob ever since. Trying to keep two pairs of sock washed is a pain so I got another pair.

Keens of course!

AWESOME!!!! For reals!!! You should try them. Your feet will love you. My friend Christina who must be a sock snob as well, saw me today. I showed her my new socks. She said without a moment hesitation.... "Are those wool socks?????" She must be a fellow sock snob. I couldn't believe she could tell from where she was sitting on the couch wrapped up in the craziest afghan I have EVER seen

Some days aren't as good as others.

I often worry about this little blog of mine.

Corey has asked me if perhaps I should make the blog private. He worries I am sharing too much of my family.

Maybe Rhett didn't want his dyslexia announced to the world. Maybe, indeed, he should have been the one to get to decide if that was a public announcement or not.

Maybe I give too much of myself away. But I truly can't keep things to myself. I have tried. It makes me ill. I am an expresser. It is just who I am. I can't help it.

Also, do people get the impression somehow, even though I have tried to be so honest and "real", that I might have my act together better than the average person? Sometimes when reading other's blogs it is easy to feel not as good as all the goodness the blogger is portraying. Do you think that I am more happy or more loving or more more more....

Because I assure you...I am not. I am just. like. you. And  you. are. just. like. me.

We are all going about doing well in some areas and sucky in other. And when we compare, we hurt ourselves. We injure our souls. And I am sure we offend our God.

Some days I may be preachy and I am sorry. Some days I may be all "just control your thoughts and you'll be fine, blah blah blah". And the next day I am in despair because I let myself get down.

Today I came home from my daily appointments and was grumpy to my husband and my children. It hurts my heart. The pressure of raising a large family in a home that is falling apart with vehicles that are falling apart, and no time and  little money to maintain it all, is crushing. The pressure to teach the kids the gospel (which isn't even happening right now) and help them with their homework (not happening) and run them to their therapies and activities is.... crushing. And is the oil working for Bo's ADHD and should Rhett be on meds for his and Nathan didn't practice his violin again and Zane is already neglected and chirping up a happy mad house, and how do I go another day with out binging, and is eating 53 icebreaker mints in one sitting bad, and I should be working on this or that....and it is all just.... crushing. And I have to fight the fight to not be flattened flat by it all. Because life, if you do not fight back, has the power to flatten you flat.

The "Evil Creeper" is the king of discouragement. It can take me from a happy girl who is losing weight and working on her therapy with her beloved Kristopher and preparing to teach her children about Christ for Christmas, to a woman who comes home crushed and grumpy from the days strains. To a woman who is grumpy with her husband and then gets angry at her eleven year old for hitting a brother and then he runs to his room and says he hates himself. And. that. breaks. a mamma's. heart. Because I let my anger hurt him.

And much of it could have probably been controlled by stopping, whispering a prayer, breathing, and saying my Positive Proclamations. But, once again, I let myself get upset by "feeling" too much.

Those positive proclamations....Magic they are. (Did that sound like Yoda?) Really. I have been feeling it so strongly lately.

A few months ago Kassidy was very sad. She was really really hurting. I tired to teach her what I have learned. Usually she is quite rebellious to all my new found wisdom. Lol. Teenage thing!

So  I wrote her a list of Positive Proclamations and loved on her the best I could and went out of her room. I left her the list because I wanted her to have some power to sooth herself. She didn't say one word about the list. I assumed she did. not. care. Today I noticed it pinned on her bulletin board. I was happy although she told me she was just trying to get it off her desk. But she didn't throw it away!!!!! That is something, right? I want her to have a way to have "positive chatterbox" going off in her head. I want my children to learn this concept.

Having "positive chatterbox" in your head is done by telling yourself all those "Positive Proclamations". "I love myself for who I am and where I'm at", "I can stand it", Kristopher tells me to say it all day. Like 25times. You exercise your brain just like you are exercising your body, he says. You say these proclamations and your brain changes. The chemicals in your brain change.

Here are a few I left for Kassidy..."I let go. I let go of the pain. I let go of the frustration." I have peace in my mind. I have joy in my heart", "I don't like this situation but I can stand it anyway", "It's okay if life's not fair. I can stand it".

It will feel like a lie at first.

One day during a session Kristopher asked about me saying my Positive Proclamations. "It feels like LYING to myself" I told him! And it did. And it was slightly uncomfortable. But that is how it goes at first. It does feel that way. But soon it feels more natural. And you can ease your anxiety by saying them. I tell myself at work all the time when I get nervous helping a customer who is going to ask me some crazy boot question "I don't like it that's okay,   I can take it anyway!" And  I feel better. And I  can take it.

If we have "positive chatterbox" in our head our battles will become manageable. I have had some proof of that.

I want to thank the four people who wrote me private messages this week telling me they loved me and that they loved me sharing. It means so very much.

I was written a nasty letter about 6 months ago. Anonymous. Sometimes those words on that letter still rehash in my head. (Because I read the letter more than once!!!! STUPID MISTAKE!!!!!)

The kind words I receive make that letter go away. Thank you, friends.

My friend Michelle took Kassidy's senior pictures and was thoughtful enough to throw me in as well. What a treasure.

Can I just tell you what we were cracking up at here???? Please??? Don't read if you are easily offended. She was disturbed that when we hugged our "fronts" were having contact.  She was grossed out. See her grossed out face? She cracks me up.

Dear My beautiful Sons and Dear random men,

I have to admit....

I am extraordinarily judgemental on men's manners  in opening doors for women. I JUST have a HUGE issue with it. Maybe I am wrong. I could be. But it is true.

I will probably think you less of a man if you do not hold the door for me. Sorry. And I don't mean you just go in first and hold the door open so I can grab the door. I mean you open the door and step back and let me in first. That is what I mean. I barely even think that other way counts. Barely.

I don't really care if you open the door for me to get in the car every time because that take a lot of time. But I so enjoy a man who will stop and let me go first. Whether you know me or not.

The other day one of the preschool dad's on a field trip did that for me. He totally didn't have to. He just went the extra mile to show me respect.

I have deep respect for that.

The other day a man WAITED for me holding the door for me. He didn't have to. I wasn't even super close. He was just being courteous because I am a lady. And I am telling you I super duper like that kind of respect and kindness.

My sons are so trained. And if they don't hold a ladies door, they better hear about it. Because they know. And they know to open it and stand back instead of just keeping it open when they are already in.

I think it is quite possible that men are nicer to me now that I have lost weight. It's nice that they are nice. But it hurts that I wasn't "good enough" before. I can't decide if I am making it up or if they really are nicer now. I think they really are. I don't think I am inventing it.

I am learning that we really need to be so so kind to people and their tender feelings. People matter. Being kind matters. No matter what we look like or our age or ones position in life, being kind matters. No matter our mistakes or our life's choices or our possible difficult personalities, or our different life's paths being kind matters. We are all on our own journey just trying to make it through and we need to be nice. People's feelings matter.

I guess that also means I need to cut a break to any of the men who aren't holding the door open for me properly.

Hmmm. I'll have to work that one out I guess.

Thanksgiving day!

 Because I have not had my own thanksgivings I don't really have any traditional foods (besides the main things of course) that I serve every year. So I just went for it with reckless abandon. The thing I really noticed was missing was some sort of jello yummy salad. I think my mom use to make a cherry chiffon salad because that keeps coming to my mind. I also definitely missed my stuffed mushrooms but they were just too much work on top of everything else. 

So...because I have a thing for taking pictures of food...Here you go...

Vegetable Casserole... (With fresh mushrooms and carrots from our garden.)

The turkey cooked in broth and was so tender it busted right in half when I put it on the platter. It was pretty moist! And barbaric.

Sweet Potato casserole (I DO NOT like marshmallows! Or canned sweet potatoes!)

Stuffing (Not good, I need a recipe. I am wondering about a sausage stuffing...help)

I made sure we had three cans of olives. I wanted the kids to have as many as they wanted!

Canned gelatnious cranberry sauce. JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT.

A ranch cheese ball. The family was horrified at how huge it was. However...yep. Gone by day 2.

Enjoying her time out. I love her little cat under her arm.

Store bought rolls, stuffed celery and....water!!! I spaced making some sort of fancy drink!

It was super hard to get a decent picture of my table. The kitchen was too bright and I don't have a decent camera....

FINALLY....I used some of my HUGE salt and pepper collection. It was a JOY!

Pictures of the love in our family. (You know...the whole 10 minutes of it in between all the fighting!)

I have to say it. I just do. I CANNOT stand those wrinkleiness by my eyes!!! WHEN THE STUPIDNESS OF ALL THE WORLD DID THAT HAPPEN????????? I DESPISE IT. I do however love Kate's eyes in all the pictures. She does this thing we call "Crazy eyes". We think she is pretty funny.

Crazy angled picture but I love what a truly sweet big brother Nathan is. He was playing with a bouncy ball with Bo. You can see Bo's head and Nathan getting ready to catch it. Nathan was doing this in between trying to watch a movie. Nathan is just a joy. RARELY does he ever lose his temper with the kids. Sometimes he does play WAY to rough and hurts Bo but in general he is a great boy.

Corey carving the turkey. I love the tradition of the man carving the turkey. Is it like that in all families? My turkey was not brown. But it was moist....

Duh nuh nuh nuh!!!! Dinner is served!

And now for dessert...

Dessert cheese ball with teddy grahams!

Seriously yummy peanut butter dessert with Oreos. I hadn't had an Oreo for like 6 months. They are so yummy!

Nathan's favorite blueberry cheesecake that he and his Aunt Sherri made.

Crazy eyes!

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving as well!

This year...

  I found out that all of our extended family members were ditching us for Thanksgiving. 

Don't tell but secretly I was really happy.

 I have always felt kind of jerkish that I never made Thanksgiving dinner for my very own family. I wanted to. I wanted MY lovies to be circled around MY table in MY home. And so we did it and it was grand. Truly. I loved every second of all that we did to get ready. I cooked for hours and hours. 

I started with deciding to make some napkins. I asked my friend to surge them for me and she was willing and we talked for a few hours and it was really fun. ISN'T SHE STUNNING?

Melanie

When I picked out the fabric (the pickings were slim) I sort of wondered if it was going to be wrong to eat  a real live turkey while wiping our mouths on napkins which depicted...a real live turkey!  

And the turkeys look MEAN!...They are mad at us.

So first thing Justine says when she sees the napkin is..."Those are kind of creepy!" I laughed because I agree!!!!

So the kids and I made napkin rings. I (of course)  had big plans for how it would go and how they would look perfectly like the picture...

But the kids wanted to do it their way. So... I let it go. And I let them make creative pilgrims even. if. the. designated. pieces. were. used. for. beards. instead. of. hats. I let it go. 

And the kids really enjoyed the project.

Bo made ninja pilgrims. See the leftover hats were used as axes? And he made a "Mrs. Bo"

 

Bo and Kate were so excited for Thanksgiving that they made banners colored in red and green and taped crazy things all over the house. It was pretty cute. I wondered with how excited they were if maybe they had their holidays messed up but they never seemed disappointed on Thanksgiving Day that it didn't consist of presents...

Nathan got to go over to his Aunt Sherri's and make his favorite blueberry pie. It was really sweet of her to do that for him and for us. Then Nathan was intent on helping me make this delightful delicious decedent doozie. It was so dang good.



here

Corey commented how well I was doing as far as just eating and not worrying about calories. I decided it was because I had CHOSEN to eat certain things that day. It wasn't out of control. It was MY choice. And that is significant. But....tomorrow I will be back to baked vegetables and salmon. And I like it. I am so much happier being in control of the situation.

Rhett is so well behaved when he has a job to do! He loves to work. He desperately wanted to make the devilled eggs. He did it all. All by himself. He did awesome!

He also peeled all the potatoes! 

He is a doll. I love raising sons. It is just my goal to raise gentle men. I don't know if I am doing it right but they are good boys so I am hoping. Today I was in bed reading and they all came up for a cuddle. I am happy because I have learned that moms are as important in a son's life as dad's are in a daughters.

Getting the turkey ready...

Thank you google. And Aine for informing me I would have time to bake the stuffing after I pulled the turkey out (because it would be blazing hot) That was useful information! 

Here is Kate and I googling how to bake a turkey!

Some of the food we prepared the day before and some of it Thanksgiving day. 

So once, I learned that you could give the kids work that is work they may respond well to. It doesn't have to be miserable for them to be learning to work. So I assigned Kassidy the task of drawing the names on the place cards. See my turkeys I made?????? They were so cute. I really had a plan of having a cute table. I think it was a success. More pictures tomorrow.

So Kassidy was thrilled to draw the place cards. She is so many things that I never was. I like that about her. She can draw! The cutest little people! I cannot draw! And her handwriting is spectacular. My handwriting is horrible. You can't even tell the difference between my handwriting and the handwriting of "the boys" from my work. Mine is as rough as their's!

Anyways...she personalized each card. And it really was a help to me. And they were darling.

She said Bo says this quote a lot. nice.

This is the back of Nathan's head while he is playing on the computer. "Because that is all we ever see of him" Darling!!!! 

Then Bo wanted in on the action. So he drew his own version. Little sweetie.

I LOVE it!!!! Rhett is tearing up the basket ball court this season!

Corey in the forest with Bigfoot

Justine with her one direction boys

And the very best....

WHO IS THIS?????????? Come on,  I know you know..... IT IS KRISTOPHER!!!!!!

I laughed my guts out. It looks like him!!!!!! He is bald on the top in real life and this little figure has one curly-q on the top of his head!!!!! Is that not funny or what!!!!!!!!! And he does have a red couch!

Am I winking at him????

COME ON!!!!! Doesn't THAT kill you????? It is stinking FUNNY!!!! I'm serious. I love my kid. She can be a sassy pants! She can. But she cracks me up.

So....last session when Kristopher asked me how my week was, I told him it had been pretty good. I told him I think some of the things in his book had been finally ingrained in me through Heavenly Father giving me experiences to learn it. It is one thing to read it and believe it...it is another to learn it.

I have learned to be mindful. I am 100 % convinced that I could live in the world with out letting the waves of upset that it throws at you, get to me. I am not saying that can be the case all the time. But that is the goal and I am saying I now have the tools ingrained in me to make it so. He told me there are things that have happened in his past, that when thought about now, don't even "ping" him anymore.

You can get to the point where the world can go about you and you don't have to let it affect you. Because you have controll of your own thoughts and feelings. Not every crisis that comes your way can toss you into turmoil anymore. What peace and freedom that can bring? And now I am a believer of it and know how to get there.

He smiled at me during that session. "I knew you were going to get it. I have been waiting for you to." My heart melted because he believes in me.

And he sort of looked like this when he said it. BAAHAAA!! I can't help it. That little man CRACKS me up.