Being Christian

LDS people sometimes aren't perceived as being Christian. But we are. Sometimes my kids will describe their friend's religions as "Christians". I always remind them... "You are Christian. Christian means that you believe in Christ." 


I saw this on Facebook.

It really, really struck me. How often I have thrown around that I am Christian. Maybe even with a little bit of arrogance. I didn't realize it. I didn't mean it. But after reading this I thought that I haven't really embraced the beauty and greatness of what saying, "I am  a Christian" really means. I have taken if for granted. I have thrown it around flippantly.

I thought this was beautiful. I am still trying to figure out how to apply it all to my life. How to really get down to the core basic of Christ and me. And how His grace alone can work in my life in healing my hurts and aloneness. The same hurts we all have. The same aloneness we all have. 

My friend came over the other day. She always knows when I need her. Her brain is somehow connected to mine. She told me that grace is an actual thing that  can actually work and heal you in your life. But you need to ask Heavenly Father for Christ's grace to do that for you. I'll give you links to the articles she read that lead her to this idea. I couldn't find them so I need her to help me with links. But it gave me great hope. How simple. Really? Do you believe so? Can it be that simple? I don't know for a fact. I admit it. But I think that answer is YES! Go and pray and ask for Christ's grace to heal you from addiction and sorrow. And it works. Sounds like a grand plan to me.

Kristopher told me last session that the reason he keeps talking about my therapy coming to an end (I told him he is causing me great anxiety by bringing it up all the time) is because he is using it as a metaphor. I think his high IQness likes metaphors. 

But he is trying to teach me that ultimately in the end....

It's me. And Christ. 

What matters...whose opinion and guidance counts, whose judgment qualifies, whose love and grace means everything....is Him. Not Kristopher, not my husband, not my church, not my friends or family. 

Only Him.

Me. And Christ. 

I'm trying to figure that relationship out still. I haven't dedicated the time I need to on it. I think it is because I am scared I will dedicate the time and won't find what I am looking for. I won't find the real tangible relationship I heard can be there. And I feel it it is because somehow I am not good enough or able to get it. Or I didn't work hard enough. Or have enough faith. Or I was too much of a "Doubting Thomas". That is why I keep hoping Heavenly Father will not give up on me and He will help propel me to get there. Because if I live my whole life never getting that relationship, I will feel like I have wasted so much.

Well. That was depressing. I didn't intend for it to get depressing. Sorry about that. :)

Happy Easter! We had church with great talks on Christ, Easter hunt, baskets, beat each other up with boppers left by the Easter bunny, 

Tho rude boys showed NO mercy on their mother!

 
dinner with family (I'll have to post the other pictures later. Too much for one night)

Watched horrible nature shows with animals attacking each other...(I hate nature! So mean) with BIL Frankster.

and I got to drive the Cadillac  yep. You heard right. I don't even know why a Cadillac is a big deal. I just know that it is. And the horn sounds like a train horn.

I had to drive my SIL to her Dr appointment after her eye surgery, Bleck. The Dr had to pull a contact out of her eye with tweezers! Holy yuckarama! I almost freaked when I saw him go toward her eye with tweezers. Bleck.

Easter fun

In "group" the other day I made treats for a little celebration. I made this recipe from my friends blog. They are actually super easy but look really fancy because they have sliced strawberries and drizzled chocolate on the top. I was cracking up because the group attendees and Kristopher  would not quit raving about them and how pretty they looked. They said I should open a bakery. PFfpppff! ha ha. I was like "obviously you people have never heard of Pinterest."

Sometimes Pinterest is overwhelming for me because I want to do everything on it. One day I decided doing one new thing an occasion would be enough. So this Easter I was really excited to try:

Peep Smores
Submitted by Mindy ~ The Sisters Cafe

Peep Marshmallows
Graham Crackers
Hershey’s Chocolate Bars
Place three bars of chocolate onto each half graham cracker.  Separate the Peeps and place on a plate.  Microwave about 10 seconds (you may have to experiment with one as all microwaves are a little different – Peeps should be slightly enlarged and soft, but still firm enough to transfer).  Transfer the Peeps on top of the chocolate and graham.  Then top with a half graham cracker and smoosh!

They were SO YUMMY!!!

Way YUMMIER than normal smores which I don't really enjoy. Sorry for the picture overload. I know it's obnoxious.

THUMBS UP!

We decorated Easter eggs also. Good times.

Justine checking to see if her stickers really glowed in the dark. lol

I like that now the big kids want to stuff all the Easter eggs for our family hunt. It is nice to be able to delegate a lot of things that the kids think are fun.

Last night we went to see Safe Haven. It was good. I highly recommend getting your child to work at a movie theater so you can get in free to the movies. It is the best plan ever.

We laughed because we spoke (minus me, I suck at accents) in English accents all night or like Lord of the Rings. Kassidy called Justine to tell her we were coming to get her and she told her we were running late and we were in a "great haste" Justine responded with "Fly you fools" from LOTR. We busted up.Seriously, love these kids! And we were excited because Uncle Frank drove us there in his yellow Cadillac. Super cool.

Aunt Sherri had eye surgery and had to wear sunglasses. I promised I wouldn't laugh at her but when I looked at her after the movie and she had glasses on, I did. Sorry.

Kassidy in the middle.

Nathan, Justine, me! We were all in the back of the Cadillac.

Just a little bit of documentation of the awesome time I am having mothering.

What is cooler than guessing the weight of your frozen yogurt and getting it for free?

Not much!!! 

We were very excited and stunned when Justine pulled it off! She said the typical "I have never won anything before!" And it's true. During chore times I use to decide who got the coveted job by having the kids guess a number between 1 and 10. Justine lost every single time! She never could win the game...ever.

I took Justine and her friend to Kiwi Loco after a pageant their friend was in. It was fun. I have learned something I think is true about teenagers. Every one is so scared of them. And I am sure there are some that are rotten. But of the teens I know, they really just want attention and acceptance from you. Even if you are an old uncool adult. They just want you to think they are okay. They just want you to joke and have fun with them and love them. That is my theory about the teens I know, anyhow.

What super duper darling girls!!!!! This cute girl on the right....she told me a tip that her friend taught her about self esteem.  Everyday she picks out three things in the mirror that she likes about herself. Uhh....is that not the smartest thing a girl can do ever? I think it is great.

So, Kassidy was a little bent out of shape that she didn't get to go to Kiwi Loco. So I told her I'd go with her to Walmart at midnight to buy the new Hobbit. I'm feeling like that is super cool of me.

I loved seeing Bo play with one of his favorite toys. I loved how he had all the Bionicles lined up ready for action.

Today I went to the pet store with Bo to buy a new fish. He wandered off and was momentarily lost. I thought he was just looking at the bird toys on the other isle so I didn't panic.

He did though.

About one minute later when I found him he was in tears worried I had left him. Kinda broke my heart.

Why does your heart have to walk around attached to your kids for the rest of your life? It hurts! One of the most beneficial things I learned from therapy and it wasn't even Kristopher who taught me (stunner, I know) is that people have to feel their own pain. And it is okay. It is beneficial to their growth that they feel their own  pain (yes, that was Kristopher). If you feel their pain and they don't feel their own, it denies them of the growing experiences they can have. That relieves me. It gives me peace that it is okay for them to hurt.

Have I ever mentioned that Justine got a job? She is so unsure of life that I didn't push her the second she turned 16. Plus, let's face it, the kids needed their mother. Baahaaaa!!!!!!! Get it?

 But I finally decided enough was enough and I forced her to start looking. She was beyond terrified of going in and asking for an application even. We had sessions in the car of her crying and me telling her I was sitting there until she was composed and went and did it. She survived. She even did that thing where you call back and speak with the manager about your application. So proud. She ended up getting a job with some friends. It is very low key and a good starter job. She makes sandwiches with her friends at a factory and then the owner takes them to gas stations and Albertson's. And she survived. And it reminds me of the fact that (Kristopher taught me) that you have to face your fears. Because your self esteem grows and you can see that you can survive and do hard things and feel success.

Today I just love being a mom. And I so love these older kids. They are so so much fun.

Hey! Also Justine and I busted up lots today. She had an x-ray for her ankle early this morning and then had to hang out with me for hours at work. boring. After we ran to Target (you know you are reading tarzhay). We tried on some new shirts. And then we would be in dressing rooms across from each other and open the door at the same time to see what looks good. I have no summer clothes since I lost weight. And I MUST wear sleeves  to my elbows due to horrendous "Relief Society" arms.  Those shirts are hard to find! ("Relief Society" is the church class the Mormon women go to and I guess that term is poking fun of us Mormon people having jiggly arms. Isn't that kind of rude? I know some hot Mormon moms so I am not sure what is up with that  label....But it is still funny.)

Today Justine found one of the neighbors cats asleep on our couch and no one was even playing with it. Justine said, "Do you think they are confused where they live?" Yes. They definitely have no idea which house is their home. I hope the neighbors don't mind sharing their cats.

I told Rhett on the last day of Basketball practice (which will end our tradition of dollar Baskin Robbins cones) we are getting THREE scoops. We are both super excited.

Okay, bye. That was a lot of randomness. Sometimes a girl who is therapeutically mind blown just feels better typing for a bit.

Cats rescue 5 year old

The next door neighbors have two "kittens". I don't know how it works out that all the cats we have ever SAVED from the pound have been the meanest, unfriendliest, cats alive, but the neighbors have two of the most sweetest cats ever. It is working out very well for us though. 

Kate spends all of her time catering to her "sweet cheeks" needs. She adores them. Adores. And they really like her despite the fact that she LUGS them around non stop. They even peek in our window looking for Kate to come give them some attention. It is so sweet.

 I was even telling Kristopher how much relief it has given me during my burned out year because she is so occupied with these two cats that she is very content and happy without my constant attention. Phew. And it is lucky that there are two cats because they can tag team when Kate is over bearing  But seriously, the cats just purr the second anyone picks them up.

Watching cartoons with "Keely" or "Pheely". I don't know who is who and that is not really their real names I assume, but that is what the kids have named them.

Isn't that a really cute and interesting face?

"Keely" (or is it "Pheely") enjoying story time, wrapped up in Kate's coat.

And...I have been struggling a little bit with food. I am still on track but sometimes I miss the comfort it gives so very much. I still eat and if I want a treat sometimes, I have a treat. What I want is to binge. That is what I miss. I know. It is weird and grossish. One of the 12 steps is to ask God to take it away from you. My friend did this and He did. And she doesn't care about food anymore. I don't think I am ready to not care about food yet. I still love it. I don't want it completely gone yet. It has been so many things to me for so long. I still need it. But that scares me. Because if it still is my "addiction" what if I break and gain my weight back. Sometimes I wonder where joy is without food (even though I obviously have joy in my life). One of the guys the other night at the addiction meeting said that the personal revelation you get from God when you turn to Him instead of your addiction, is the new joy you get. Figuring that out still.

The other night we had a GNO and I ordered this. It was delicious and beautiful. It was a Neapolitan pie. With chocolate, vanilla and raspberry filling. Yum. And I love great presentation.

And....WEIRD! Another suds heart in my shower again!!!!! I love it!