A little depressing. Sorry.

Hiya. My blogging has been slowing down. I don't want it to. But school and work is seriously slowing me down.

 I am grateful for school. It has made me feel like a person again. That probably makes no sense but it is fun to go and do something to improve myself. I am trying desperately to balance that and motherhood. It is hard. I don't know how people do more school and work than I am doing.

I am slipping in many areas. 

While I haven't gained any weight (which maybe alone is a success) I haven't lost anything for months. I just stay the same because I gain and lose the same two pounds each week. But part of me feels successful because my default thinking is now about not overeating instead of what food can I get my hands on next. I usually go right back to my calories control. It's becoming my more natural way of thinking. So I feel like that is probably good. I do have some old bad habits still thought. Like eating at night. While I do homework. 

My church jobs (voluntarily jobs that we all pitch in on to help our church run) are severally neglected. I barely think I can do them anymore.

I am just running out of anything to give. I felt this way right before I went into therapy. The relief of therapy and the tools he taught me helped. But I admit I am still struggling. This might sound crazy but I really think not binging takes a toll on me. Binging was apparently my coping mechanism for stress. Now I just mostly feel the stress. And it hurts. 

I know this statement is maybe not necessarily geared for exactly what I am go through in my life, but I loved it. We all need some comfort, right? I just thought it was beautiful. 

I told the lady in charge of the little church kids to spread the word that I could not sub for teachers. I told her I would say ye because I couldn't say no  and then I would cry when I hung up because it I am fried.

Kate cries almost every time I have to go somewhere. 

Am I the only one fried? I feel inadequate. I feel guilty.

It was Bo's show and tell week. They get one special week in the whole year. I couldn't come to watch him. I had to work. I can't tell you how that breaks my spirit. I am not use to working  and missing my little kids beautiful moments. So I brought the dog in for him earlier that week. And then on his real day....I forgot to remind him to bring anything. And I forgot to remind his sister to go watch him. And when I got home I realized and he told me his show and tell was horrible because he forgot all his toys. WAHHHHH!!!!

His teacher, whom is my friend, said it was actually fine. They got him talking about other things. And I had also sent in pictures of him to show earlier. And I send candy AND stickers. AND I brought the dog!!!! So I am good, right?????

Bo was so proud of this dog. I was so happy. And one point, the dog licked his face and made all the children laugh. It was so cute. I forgave Brody for chewing up Bo's shoes, just for showing Bo's class that his dog loved him. Also, Brody yawned so huge and squealed a little during his yawn and the whole class laughed. It was so cute. And it made Bo happy. That's why we have pets. They are a pain in the bum but they bring joy.

Bo's teacher sent me this email....

"Let me just start out by saying I am laughing as I am writing this and I am not judging you hahaha!.

Obviously..  Bo packed his own lunch today.  :)    It consisted of fruit snacks, mini candy bars, Cheetos and a bag of popcorn a few slap sticks and 3 suckers.  MMMMMM my kind of lunch ."

wait.....that's not what all the kids eat?

So funny. Bo is so sweet thought. 

I also went to Kate's class and helped with the monthly scrapbook page. These things are huge deals to me now days. Volunteering use to be part of my every week. I feel bad that I am not doing as much. OH....BUT I also helped with the school Halloween carnival and I am making Halloween treats for a station for BO's party next week! SO I am just fine!

Kate's cubby. Now THAT is a big deal!

I had the kids make spider finger prints and we are going to put their heads into a Frankenstein head. Super spooky! 

 Kate's page. Minus the picture...

Circle time!

 I also loved this one...

I want all of these silly office supplies. I love them all.

Not much makes me happier than a pumpkin lit Halloween porch. All my kids (but my sweet Bo) are gone tonight so I got the porch all lit and ready for when they come home. I had to DIG UNDER THE STAIRS for candles but I love my kids and the pumpkin lit porch SO much, it just had to be done.

Kassidy's hobbit house. And Justine's 1D.

So I know I complained about the dog. But I have to say that I LOVE a smart dog. Our other dog was so smart also. Brody knows sit and stay and lay and shake. It is a pleasure to train a dog that "gets" it. We have trained him to where he doesn't rush in the door when we are trying to walk in. He sleeps in his kennel at night without whining  And he is going to school for Bo's special week this week. 

Last night he was chewing on these fake teeth so we just had to make him pose with them in. It was no small task.

He has lost a TON of his teeth! It's sort of funny to us.

He's a good boy. We still have to constantly remind him he is not in charge. The kids think i am mean but it is funny that the dog actually likes me a lot. It is like kid's and boundaries. They like them.

Bo is officially in Boy Scouts. He is enjoying it. 

He is such a love. His teacher tells me all the time how much she likes him. He is proof that medicine can be life altering. Even though I hate the idea of it, he is FINALLY able to learn. He COULD NOT learn before. Because he was a loose monkey. He likes the medicine as well. 

The other day he walked by me and stopped and said, "I like you." Little sweetie. 

He is READING!!!! I think he is doing AWESOME at it.

Justine and her boys. her room is covered. It is so not healthy for Kate to be surrounded by the boys all day!

I LOVE this shrimp cocktail at our local Mexican restaurant. It is so fresh and delicious. This is an old picture. But I love to look at it. Cause I like food. 

Let the Spooky happening begin

I like Halloween! I'm sorry if it represents creepola stuff but I like it! It's FUN

 

One of the fun things the kids and I do every year is

 

THE PORCH..... (say it all spooky like)

 

I love now that the kids are old enough to just go for it themselves. I am telling you, some stretchy spider web stuff goes a long way!

 

First we had to rip SUMMER clear the heck out of there.

 

Summer = Bleck!

 

I just don't love summer.

 

So Rhett, My little worker had those flowers out of there in no time. (The frost would have killed them very soon so don't be sad.)

 

It made me so happy to see the kids so excited and working together to do the front porch. And then a few kids gave us a lot of comliments  about how our couch always looked so creepy. Best compliment ever.

 

 I must admit.... This creeps me out every time I see it!

Look at this little cutie! The kids love to get the costumes out!

Punkin carving!

Bo had a tummy ache all day today. :(

 

Nathan made a Thor's Hammer cake.

 

Trying to make a Steelers Pumpkin!

 

 

We'd be disappointed if Justine hadn't done a One Direction pumpkin! Interesting tid bit about Justine. She is my fussiest eater. But she loves ANYTHING pumpkin. The one thing I think is gross!

 

 

 

 

Kassidy is making a Hobbit door pumpkin. Crazy Hobbit girl!

You know Kristopher's whole facing your fear nonsense? Well, turns out it is STINKING AWESOME!

I have been trying to face all sorts of fears and I just feel so cool. I am so wimpy and chickeny. I am so scared of haunted houses and spook alleys. Ever since I hit my head on a cement wall running when I was in college.

So there is a new one in our town. The kid's teacher was preforming in it. It had little plays in it through out. So we went. It was AWESOME and SCAREY. But I did it! The kid's teacher's performance was the COOLEST ever. She is great.

 

 

I am ashamed to admit that I clung onto my boys so tight and used them as human shields. Even Rhett. Well mostly Rhett, because he tolerated it. He is barely 12 and had never been to one of these. I just couldn't care. I had to hide behind him and shield myself. Cause that is the kind of mother I am. :( Sorry, baby. He told me later he wasn't mad.  Nathan told me the only time he got scared was when I screamed in his ear. I just can't help it! In this picture the haunted house is behind it. And that creepy little ghoul photo bombed us! Hilarious.

 

I am planning our spooky dinner menu. Please someone tell me they have a face mold from the craft store so I can make this beauty....