Life!

A few months ago Rhett wanted to crawl up into my dad's attic. I have never done it before because I felt too heavy before and I am scared of heights. But I decided to go up now and see what is so cool about it up there that the kids always want to check it out. 

(the ladder going down)

Rhett and I in the attic. Super fascinating! Not.

I have a friend who never knew me fatter and sometimes I send her pictures of the heavy me because it shocks her so much and it is funny. But it is also so weird for me to see them. I NEVER felt like myself. Every minute was consumed with how fat I was. I never even felt like a woman. I was so so happy mothering. So it wasn't an unhappy time for me in MANY regards. But now that I am thinner (I know I still have weight to lose) I feel a lot more at peace. One of the nicest things is being able to sit in a seat at the movies or a play and not have to worry about being able to fit in the seat. Or a restaurant and not being able to sit in the booth.

I have so much physical freedom now. It is such a gift. It was a gift that the correct things in my life aligned that gave me the power and the knowledge and the mental ability to fight this weight.

I still fight it EVERY SINGLE DAY. I have been stagnantish for close to a year. But I am still holding my own and working every day to not gain it back.

One thing Kristopher told me, and Dr. Phil actually said it as well is that you pretty much HAVE to replace the old addiction or bad habit with new ones. Kristopher told me once to get out of the crack house. Which basically meant to get out of the house and live life. Some things I just have to replace though. Like I found this super low calories salt and vinegar "chips". They are good and like potato chips and I snack on those at night. York patties are almost half the calories of other candy bars so I have those. When something is tempting me during the day I just remember that I can have a York later and I can hold out. SO that works often. But then their are days I blow it, and have to spend two days undoing the damage I did. It is crazy and I don't really know a better way. I know I need to be exercising but I just don't.

Super big sigh. But I try to be thankful for the progress I have made. Here are some of the pictures I sent to my friend that remind me of where I have been.

LOOK AT MY DARLING RHETT!!!!! Isn't he so so super cute?!

Kate made me this necklace for work. I had to wear it until she left but I almost forgot to take it off! She loves to come to my work and dust the shoes.

Work is going well. I totally adore my boss as a boss. I really like him as a person too. lol. But he is the best boss their ever could be. Very generous and kind and willing to work with anything anyone suggests. He left for a family vacation and if we met a sales goal he gave us all gift cards to a restaurant. So we did and he did and it was really nice of him. I spent my work day Saturday sweeping and vacuuming almost every section of the back room. I loved it! It was so awesomely clean when I was done. My regular customer who calls me babe was there. He's like this motorcycle dude. 

In the fall I am increasing my school schedule. It scares me because it will be so so busy. But if I increase it then I get a little more financial aid and can work less. So I am hoping it all balances out and I can handle it.

I am so excited for my schedule. I am taking a class on gerontology. I don't know why but it worked in my schedule and was an option of one I needed and it sounded interesting. It covers the psychology of elderly people and the changes and things they have to adjust to. I am taking a class that was one of my required options on Christianity and how the apostasy happened. Sounds totally fascinating. I am taking a required class that I can't remember the name of, an online math class (SCARY) and because I needed two more credits to reach 12 I took GUITAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!! I have all this GUILT because I should only take everything essential. But then I think why? Why can't I take one little class that is for fun and personal growth. And ever since I signed up I have felt like I was on an adventure and am very excited. I think it will really really be hard. I have to practice 45 minutes a day. And I know NOTHING about it. But I am doing it! And it makes me feel good.

We still have Brody. He is a BAD boy. And he is a sweetheart. I really really really like this dog. So smart and sweet and loving. I swear he gives hugs. BUT....he has TWICE tried to nip/bite people at our front door. He suddenly gets very aggressive. I think he is terrified and protecting us. He is a big scardy cat.

I have seriously decided to get rid of him. But it will break the whole families heart. So then I change my mind. I have a friend who had a dog who behaved just like this and they just got use to the fact that if anyone came over he had to get put in a room. So that is our plan. But I worry a lot about it. But at this point I would have to put him to sleep. I couldn't find him a new home. He is a farm type dog but we have him all attached to us and he is in the house every night. SO I can't just turn him lose to a rancher. And if he  bit someone there they might beat him. I don't know. 

He is fun because he is dang smart. He knows tricks and he obeys (you know, minus the trying to nip). He stays outside or inside without rushing past us. We taught him this trick, you put tape on his nose and he tries to get it off with his paws. So the trick is you say "I'm so ashamed" and then he does the trick which we taught him with the tape which is to cover his nose and eyes and then he looks all ashamed. It's cute.

Missing this girl some days! Not anything desperately or depressing. I'm am beyond thrilled for her chance of learning right now. But like three times today I thought about how I needed to wake her up for church or get her to do an errand for me or something. And then I was like oh! She is gone!

The other day Kate called me on cell phone. She calls me mostly a LOT. but this was my message. It was so stinking cute. It was all in a whisper because when she had called five minutes before I was whimpering because I was in class....

"Hi. I love you. Forever. Everyday. Everyday. I love you. (whispers getting louder as she smooshes or face into phone) Everyyyyy dayyyyyy. Evverryyyy niiiighhhttt. I love you. Bye."

Um....it was PRECIOUS. 

My girlie is glowing!

My girl has gone from this:

To this!!!!!!

All in a few days it seems. She looks so glowy and beautiful. I'm very happy.

I feel very lucky because her mission posted a bunch of pictures on their FB page. SO I got to see her! She had never been on a plane so it was a big deal. She got to call me the morning she left and she sounded all small and scared. She said she missed us now that she heard our voices.

But every other letter has been apologizing for NOT missing us. Lol. I wouldn't have it any other way! It means she is happy and where she is supposed to be! 

One thing  Kassidy shared in her first letter was this...

"I also learned that we are not hear to preach, we are here to help. With a little bit of preaching. But mostly we are here to help God's children."

I loved it. 

I like this one also.

That's all for now. I haven't been blogging much. I don't know why.

I have NO clue who this kid is.

My friend told me the first letter her son wrote to her from his mission she was like "I don't know who this kid is...but I like him!!!" Lol.

That is how I felt about Kassidy's first letter. I even scrolled down to see if she signed the letter or if she had forwarded the letter from someone else. I was confused a tiny bit.

Her second letter was just as interesting because of how much she is changing and learning but I knew it was her. Her little spirit was just shining through to me. I was really really touched by her sweet letter and AMAZED at her growth. And so so happy for her. 

Since I still don't have her info to put this on her blog, I am going to put it on mine for anyone who cares. 

JUNE 14-15:Hey Everyone! So me and Sister Abrams taught Glen about the Restoration and baptism and we even extended the invitation to be baptized! But He said no. :( I felt the spirit tell me that we shouldn't have asked him to be baptized but it was our first lesson. Turns out he is actually a member. :( We play sand volley ball for gym. FUN except in the SUN!!! I am learning so much here! I learned so much more about how selfless Christ is, that even though he was going through the pain, he still thought of others, and I want to be like that! The Lord really does love us. He suffered in Gethsemene for each of our sins and pains, he knows exactly how we feel. He knows our pains when someone dies, when someone betrays you, He knows that because He experienced it.

JUNE 16th : We got to teach Glen today and we were going to teach him about prayer and faith. We shared with him the Book of Enos and how Enos didn't feel worthy enough to pray but He did. It was an awesome lesson and Glen is so much fun! We just got to know him and we were more relaxed and comfortable and we had the spirit with us. He is from Denver Colorado and loved the NBA games. I told Glen that God wants him to talk to Him and how much Glen is important and how much God loves him. And it doesn't matter if your not worthy, God still wants us to talk to him through prayer. He seemed really interested in what we were telling him and i told him that we cared about him. I seriously LOVE Glen! Member or not! It's so amazing to see him! So my teacher Sister Hawkes got in a car accident that should have killed her. But the Lord saved her and taught her a lesson about how her bike(which is something she takes pride in) is not as important as God is. So that was a blessing thatGod protected her while teaching her a lesson. Sister Hawkes had us experience Enos and how he prayed for so long. So we took 20 minutes and prayed and looked for answers. I didn't have anything powerful but my District Leader Elder Henke did. He prayed aout our district and he just had this overwhelming feeling come over him and he said that he just felt how much God loves this district and how proud he is of us and how we are a district for a reason. And we are a district for a reason. I believe that. I love my district so much!  Tonight we got to teach a real investigator named Lawanna. We tried talking to her but she wouldn't open up and we tried teaching her about prayer but there was no spirit there with us and so we were in a "stupor of thought" and it was so so hard to bear my testimony without the spirit. I testify that the Spirit is what teaches the investigators and without the spirit, the lesson will not get through and it will be hard to speak.  After that lesson I didn't feel the spirit for a long time, so I prayed and Asked my Heavenly Father if He was disappointed in me, and immediately the warmth in my heart flooded back to me and I felt the spirit again. I missed it so much. I can definitley feel it everywhere I go here and I don't want it to leave me.  As a district we bear our testimonies each night and Elder Henke said "Heavenly Father is happy with us and where we are as a district and He loves us. We got this. We are a district for a reason." Read D&C 100 and Ether 12:6 - those scriptures help me to not be afraid and to have more faith.

JUNE 17th - Elder Ballard came and spoke with us today mostly what I got was that we need to be so strong in our faith that when someone tries to tear us down, we won't be torn down. And also that never be ashamed of the gospel. I AM NOT ASHAMED OF THIS GOSPEL. It is something that has helped me and something that i value and love so much! Why would I be ashamed? I will stand firm in what I believe in and never be brought down.

Sister Abrams had an infected toenail  so we got to take a shuttle bus and have the doctors fix her toe. It was really gross! I was so grossed out and she was so calm about it.

JUNE 18th - Today was a day full of blessings, answered prayers and miracles and to celebrate the amazing day God gave us the most beautiful sunset ever! I learned about the attributes of Christ and which one we need to apply to help us with our investigators. I chose charity and love for Lawanna because I didn't have that with the last time we taught her. Someone said this quote and I liked it: "Do not worry about what you are going to say, the spirit will help you." I'm always nervous about what I'm going to say so that is something that is helping me. Sister Abrams got a ingrown toenail. I had to witness the nasty surgery and the thing was HUGE!!!!  We got to see Glen again today and it was such a wonderful experience!We taught him about faith and about the Brother of Jared and how he had so much faith he saw the finger of God. and Guess what. WE GOT GLEN TO PRAY!!!!!!! He never prayed! But we got him to as well as other missionaries! So amazing@ My heart was so filled with happiness and love and even though it was a simple prayer I just about cried!!! At the end I told Glen that Heavenly Father cares about him and Glen said that he could feel it. AHH!!!! My favorite Elder, Elder Jerman decided that he was going to go home from the MTC, I prayed and prayed that he would change his mind and stay. At dinner he told me he was going to STAY!!!!  Although its not exactly a good reason because his family said he wouldn't have anything, but I'm so happy that He is staying! I love that kid so much! We taught Lawanna and that lesson was so much better! She has cancer so we taught her about how God gives us trials and that he will never leave us alone. I'd go in more detail but I'm in a hurry because I only have an hour. But it was amazing! I thank God for this amazing day!!!!

JUNE 19th - Today we learned about how members are important to the missionary work. Mom sent me cinnamon rolls! They were amazing and I shared them with my district! They love me because of that! I was role playing with my best bud Elder Jerman and I had a hard time knowing where to start about the Atonement (we were teaching Lawanna about it). Sister Hawkes asked me questions and I answered with ease aout how the Atonement helps clear our sins away and that guilt and we have relief and also how Christ went though the Atonement for each individual. "Through His grace and mercy, He can help you in your trials and relieve you of the guilt and shame that results from your sins.... As you rely on the Atonement, you will feel the love of God and He will help you endure your trials..... All that seems unfair in life can be made RIGHT through the Atonement of Jesus Christ." I struggled but Elder Henke and Elder Jerman helped me and something Elder Henke always tells me is " I've spent a lot of time with you in these classrooms and I think you know more than you realize." Then he shared with me D&C 100. Read it for yourself, but it helped me to lift up my voice because the Lord wanted me to be here.  I randomly turned in the Hymn book to pace 120, that applied to the day I had and how I was feeling so nervous about teaching Lawanna. Turns out Skype wasn't working so we weren't able to teach her. So there is this Elder Roberts and I told him that I loved his tie and he said "Thanks, that means a lot. I like your outfit, you look very nice.... in a non flirtacious way." It was funny when he added that last part because we have to be careful not to flirt. ;) There is an elder who is going to Cincinnati who looks like Cato off of Hunger Games and an Elder who looks like Logan Lerman. Also!!!! If you watch the District videos! I met one of them and I passed another! It was so cool! 2 Elders from the missionary clips of District! That was awesome! Elder Henke and Elder Jerman  (led by the Spirit) had an atheist investigator BELIEVE IN GOD!!!!!!!! That was an amazing experience!

JUNE 20th - We went to the temple  today and that was fun. And Glen is a member but it doesn't matter because I felt the Spirit strong..

I wish I could go in more detail but I just need more time. I know that God lives and I know that I am here for a reason and that God loves all of you so much that he gave His only Begotten Son to die for us and to take upon himself our sins and afflictions sot hat he would know how we felt so that we would never be alone. I know this gospel is true and I know that if you have faith then God will bless you more than you can imagine! It is amazing how much I am learning here and how much I feel the Spirit. I'm sorry, but I don't think about home as much and I don't miss it. SORRY!!! I miss you guys but I know I'm here for better things! I am so thankful that I am here and learning so much! I head out to Cincinnati Monday at 4 in the morning!!! Also, after Saturday will be the last day I can get mail from the MTC! I love you all and I'll send pictures soon! But I'm so grateful to be here and I wish you could meet Elder Jerman and Elder Henke! They are amazing!!!!!! So amazing! I love them so much! I am going to miss seeing them everyday! 17 months and 2 weeks left of my mission!!! :P I'm so blessed to be here! The food is amazing, and surpisingly, I probably gained under 5 pounds. At least I hope. Elder Jerman ate 3 plates of food once. GROSS! Thanks for your love and support in everything! Thank you for helping me get here! I'm so blessed to be here!!! Pictures coming soon!!! I love my teachers Brother Hutchings and Sister Hawkes! They've helped me through so much and helped me learn more! I'm going to miss them tons! I wish you could meet them because they are literally the best and amazing people!! I wish I could stay at the MTC for another week! I love it here! I'm thinking about teaching here. A song keeps playing in my head: "We are as the army of Helaman, we have been taught in our youth. And we will be the Lord's missionaries to bring the world it's truth." I love that so much because it is true! So supposedly..... there will be new mission presidents coming and apparantley it is rumored that Thomas S. Monson and the 12 will be here on Sunday! Pray that I will be able to meet them!! Love you tons!!!

So cool! I'm so very excited for her. And...It doesn't bother me at all that she doesn't miss home. I think it is healthy. I was thrilled at that age to be away from home as well.

Okay, obviously I should go to bed. Night!

We found the perfect bike for Justine to ride up at college!

On the way home from taking Kassidy to the MTC we stopped at this crazy outdoor store called Sheels. It was crazy!

I loved this bike for Justine for college! She could put her back pack in the back and ride it around campus! Awesome! 

When you first walk in they have this crazy salt water fish aquarium that goes above your head. It was beautifully awesome.

The store had all these photo props everywhere. I got way into this fish one. You just hold up this little board which must have some kind of sensor in it and the diferent fish pop up and you can change their positions and stuff. Justine got annoyed and finally quit taking pictures for me. Lol.

So many different props!

They had a lot of AMAZING fudge. Once again I didn't buy any!!! I thought we would go back and then we never did.

Fudge with Reeses chunks. I bet that was the best.

We were very excited to find Wolverine's claw!!!! I love wolverine!

Justine is nick named Moosie in our home. I love this big old moose!

And in this place they had an actual Ferris wheel. It was a must do. And because Justine and I are scared of heights, we were very wimpy.

Corey!

The boys

Justine and I up in the air! When Justine knew I was taking a picture she covered her chin on purpose to hide any chance of a double chin. Why wasn't I more on top of it like her?

Remember how I said once Kassidy was officially a missionary she had to follow mission rules? That meant always being with a companion. Well...I am a busy mom and can't just follow her around all day. So I assigned Kate to be her first companion. It was very cute. Kate was her buddy and followed her around for a bit.

Some advice the sister missionaries had given Kassidy prior to leaving was that what ever companion is your current companion....they are your most favorite companion. So Kate was her favorite companion for those hours.

I took this picture with my phone. I thought it was the sweetest thing ever. Kassidy's Grandma Carolyn was telling her things in he ear and I love Kassidy's sweet content face with her arms wrapped all the way around her Grandma. Makes me happy that Kassidy is a  loving person, not holding anything back and I can't wait to see her grow even more.