I'm homesick for my blog. I loved it so much at one point. I want to blog again. I can't wait for my break.

Two more weeks until I am done with my Bachelors. I waffle between being proud and between feeling like i failed and abandoned my family. I miss my old life. I miss my babies (my kids when they were babies) and I miss a clean house FOR SURE.

But Corey's Lupus is worse everyday. He is broken hearted because he can finally feel it when he hikes. He is out of energy way sooner. He is use to being pretty invincible. It is painful to watch. I feel like I need to secure our future. I also just really want to take our family to Disney Land. And I really need for us to save for our future. We have been very financially stressed raising this largeish family. Even with insurance we have monthly medical bills and car payments and stresses just like everyone else. I loved being at home. I believe in being at home (for me) but I just don't know how to wisely do it anymore. I love my little Kate and Bo so much. They tell me I am not as much fun as I was before I went to school. It hurts because I want to still be that great mom I think I use to be.

This semester the little kids have gotten to play with a babysitter who has done fun things with them and they have gotten to go to my parents, and one big brother takes them to get ice cream and things. So they have probably been having an even funner summer than if I was home, but I miss my old life. I go to graduate school in 8 weeks and then I assume I will become a working person.