I graduated, people! I am cool now!

I remember when one of my friends went back to school. She told me she LOVED it. I totally didn't get it. I had NO DESIRE to go back to school. Even when I did go back I hid very minimal desire to go back. 

But to my surprise, it was the funnest thing ever. People would wonder how I was doing it. I wondered at that point how I couldn't do it. It was a JOY. It was fun, my friends were there, my teachers/mentors were there. It was rejuvenating. It was purposeful. So was my mothering. My heart was so very torn. I want to be home. I wanted to be at school learning, playing. I wanted to be home. I can't ever talk about the journey without saying that. I wanted to be home. It was never my intention to go to school or have a career. I had a very fulfilling plan in my motherhood. 

But I have talked about this before and it is what it is and I am accepting a new plan. 

Anyway, I GRADUATED!!!!!! I am maybe not as "proud" as I should be.... because I wanted to be home. And I felt like I neglected my family to do this. But my therapist Rachel said to separate it. I can be proud of my accomplishment. There doesn't have to be all these "BUTS" to it. Be happy. Be proud. I did it. 

And graduation day was the funnest ever. Corey told me that I looked so happy. And I really was. It is fun to be celebrated. 

For lunch I took my kids to chic flay to celebrate. Justine is a sweetie and got me a gift and paid for Kate to give me a gift. Little dollies. Aunt Sherri joined us and it was just a great lunch. And I had the best manicure (I'll post that next) to go along with it. I love fresh fake nails!

Kate picked out this lizard key chain for me! She knows her mama! 

I loved this lunch! It was a great day. 

Then I went to commencement. I spared my family going to that. It was  a two hour thing and then later was graduation where they read my name. 

The cool thing about commencement was they lined all of us graduates up in a line and then we walked into the room filled with the audience and we walked past everyone to our seats in the front while fancy music played and everyone was looking at us and smiling. But my favorite part was walking through the teachers. It was almost like a spanking machine (hahahaha) but it was them clapping for us. 

I will always remember one of my most favorite teachers giving me a thumbs up and a big squinty smile and he mouthed a good job and even thought he did it to my friends before and after me it still pierced my soul and in that moment it was meant just for me.  

He was a great teacher. He taught. He had an art to his teaching and his classes were wonderful and fun and he was funny and his classes were impactful and meaningful. And he ALWAYS kept his office door open and anyone could stop in at any time and chat. I received maybe as many as ten office chats with him, some with me full of tears, and he would encourage and share FUNNY stories about his own failures and how it was still okay. He and I would banter quite a bit and I really loved being in his classes. Even though they were hard!

At the commencement the president of the school talked, President Gilbert...

and this man spoke, Elder Durrant, he is a leader in my church, he is 6'7"!

Kassidy and her boyfriend, Naveen, were nice and came to the whole thing. Later she posted this picture and these words on FB. My sweet girl.  

"My mom is amazing. She raised 7 people, do mommy things, work, and go to school. She is amazing for being able to do soooo much. Im grateful for her and her wonderful example of motherhood. Theres no other woman i would have than her. I want to be just like her when i am a mom. Thanks mom and congrats and graduating Susan!!!!"

So during Graduation I was so happy. I love all these kiddos 

so very much. 

Us surrounding our beloved teacher. He was the only one who was able to make it to our graduation and it meant so much. 

This cutie has been in my stake (my church) with me for a long time and she is "older" too. Although we had completely different majors, it was fun knowing she was there and she is a kind soul. 

One day, I went crazy and started buying this nugget all sorts of baby boy new born clothes. He wasn't born yet but I loved all the new baby clothes! They were so cute. My kids often wore hand me downs and I had plenty so I never purchased much. It was so fun for me to spoil the little guy and my beautiful friend. She worked so hard to get through school and grow this baby at the same time!

These two neighborhood friends came to my graduation! So nice!

All my sweeties supporting me at my graduation...

Hahahaa!!! Do these look like two bored boys or what! I insisted they come. I wanted them to see their mom accomplish this. 

After the graduation I said goodbye to my teacher. I shook his hand and starting crying. He was mid sentence trying to telling me I was going to be able to the job I had been trained to do and I just had to shake his hand and hurry and leave. Lamo. But I knew it would hurt to say goodbye to these people and this beautiful place and this teacher just really impacted my life. Good man. 

My sweet sister in law arranged to have this cake and a little celebration. It was so kind and the family gave me some sweet gifts, a new camera, a book on CD, a book from Justine "You Before Me", GREAT chic flick that Justine, Sherri, and Frank and I saw together, a little figurine, my flowers, candy....

And this GREAT DELICIOUS cake that was SPELLED wrong in two separate spots and I thought that was the best gift ever. So FUN. 

Can't believe I graduated. It is so weird. No....like only 5 weeks till grad school!!!! Who am I???

Be Brave!

For months I have been planning a little family vacation. We don't do many. Seriously. Like maybe once every three years. I want to go more but it truly costs so much when you take eight people anywhere. We have to have two hotel rooms! And when I say family vacation it means we stay overnight at West Yellowstone. Hahaha. But the kids LOVE it. Maybe because it is what they know. But you guys... I LOVE THE PLAY MILL. And I have raised children who love the play mill. My older boys, Corey included, is not as enchanted with it as the rest of us so I compensate by buying lots of treats in the intermission.

This year I found out about this crazy zip line place. I really was so excited about it and I surprised the kids with it. 

I have to admit that when I was on the top of the thing....Kassidy was above me telling me she was never doing this again....and Bo was paralyzed with fear and couldn't move...and an adventure guide was making her way to help us...and Kate was SCREAMING from across the entire thing because she was terrified to go zip lining, holding up a line of about five people...I almost lost it. I said to myself. Why did I do this? I just paid $300 to be TERRORIZED. That is what I said to myself. My grand plan was going to pot fast and I was as scared as the little kids! And I had to keep my cool! I have always been scared of heights. But I kept telling the kids we had to face our fears. The night ebfore we went (we had driven by it so they knew about it by then) Bo told me "it isn't good parenting to force me when I don't want to go". Haha. 

But we totally made it through! Although kate told me she would rather hold a snake then do that again...all I can think of is how great it really was! After doing the course once and already being less scared, and the kids already were less scared...I know that if we had stayed and played longer we would have been pros at it. Nathan and Rhett loved it. Rhett was in wranglers and cowboy boots! HAhaha. It was a great time....And I really think it built confidence and some family bonding and I want to go back. 

Kassidy

You get to do four ziplines....

Kassidy gets so MAD when he is scared. It is a crack up. I was totally telling her you can do it! Then when I got to her point was I was like "I don't think I can! I am going to have  a panic attack!"

When you get to the end, you just step off and go slowly to the bottom. But it doesn't feel like you are going to go slow so it is scary!

Justine

Rhett, in his mullet, boots and wranglers!

Bo really had the hardest time, which is so surprising because he is such a climber. But he so so scared. I had to push him each time on the zip line (which he wanted me to do) and lower him down at this point. 

Rhett looks like he is a lineman worker. 

Cutest picture ever!

 Rhett and Nathan 

Me! Haha. I totally kept crash landing at the end. 

Here is the point where I am going to say...I know I have gained weight. It is painful for everyone to be able to see your weakness in such a visible way. It is heartbreaking for me because I kept the weight off for a chunk of time and it is painful to be a statistic when I never thought I'd gain the weight back. I am so grateful my body could still do this activity. I have pain in my knees and a hurt shoulder (or some reason). But I really want to be doing these kinds of things when I am 70. I want to be a person with muscles and who is fit. I know I have a lot of work to do but it is my dream and goal to get to a place where I can be an active fit person. I don't know how to get there. Mentally or physically but probably more mentally.

Anyway, That is one part of our little trip. I will write more tommorow!