I hope to do a better blogging job for the next few weeks until I start school and my internship again...

We got our girl home. It hasn't been near as traumatic as I thought it would be. I had it in my head she was going to be SO SAD.

The air port was SO SAD. I even cried. I don't cry a lot of tears like that. The ride home was SO SAD. I didn't cry because about six times Kate spilled the beans that I had bought her her first ever cell phone as a gift. She said about SIX times... "We got you a present but it's NOT a cell phone." Thanks Kate. Thankfully Kassidy was too in her own world and didn't get it. Haha.

And it was SO SAD when she was officially released. When she took off her name tag and we got in the car she cried in the back and I cried as I drove and it broke a mama's heart. But that has been the end of the sadness. When she got home Bo hugged her and told her she would always be Sister Nielsen to him. I don't know why he said it but it was the sweetest thing ever and she started bawling.

 

 

Oh, Bo amused me so much. I am watching Rhett and Kassidy have this emotional hug. Rhett actually gets teary at times when things are sensitive. It surprises me because he is SO BOYISH, but it makes me happy. Anyway, s he is hugging Kassidy and a little verklempt and I look at Bo and he is peering around to get Rhett's attention and wiggling his eye brow up and down, up and down at him, being silly. I don't know why but it cracked me up.

 

Kassidy has been a little stressed and trying ever so hard to still be the sweet spirit she was on her mission and to not get frustrated at anything. It is sad to see her not always succeed because she wants to be "changed" so much. But it is hard when you are back in the same environment with a lot of chaos. This is why I just new she had to get to school as soon as possible. I just knew it. She goes to college in like 16 days. I think it will be perfect timing.

We have been having a good time since she got home. Kate has been clinging to her non stop and so has Bo and we have been having some peaceful days (actually Kassidy hasn't because she has two non stop little people after her, But I have been having peaceful days. haha) Kassidy ADORED the room I worked so hard to make nice for her. She even said she wanted to stay in it and not go to college. It made me happy because before she didn't have a room. She had to give it up when she went to her first semester of college and she just had a bed in a living room downstairs. I never told her I had made her a room so she thought that was what she was coming home to. She was pretty happy.

 

When Corey drove us home and pulled up to this....
 

It took a minute for Kassidy to see it because she was distracted by the neighbor's trees. When she saw it I could just see her shoulders shaking because she was laughing SO HARD. It really is hysterical. She turned out to be all that I hoped she would be!!! She was SO TALL. The kids keep thinking she is a different race though. Haha.

So I finished my semester with STRAIGHT A's! NEVER has that happened before. I did get one A- but that is okay. I still got straight A's. So exciting. I loved that semester to death. It was the best ever.

I am very grateful for the group class that I had. I can't talk about it much because we actually held group with each other and everything is confidential. But it was a beautiful experience. There is something about sharing your core and having others share their core that is very healing and very bonding. Our group made it the very furthest as far as trust and sharing and success that our teacher had seen school group go. It was a sweet experience. I am very grateful for it. Our teacher was only a bystander at the group. We were taking turns running group on each other. And then he would evaluate us and grade us and teach us what we did good and what we could have done better at. Every week we would write him notes as our homework telling him what we thought and what we might have done differently. I was all over that as you can imagine (the writing part). At first I would add little sentences in to test him to see if he was really reading it all. At the VERY first I was actually assuming his TA read them until he told me he did. Then I had to test him to see if he read it ALL. He actually would respond with good jobs or things like that. He finally was like "WHY WONT YOU BELIEVE ME! I AM READING THESE!" Anyway, because of that I shared things that were very private and very therapeutic for me to share and it was therapeutic for me to know that someone was reading them and I have had a lot of confusions and stress and hurt the last few weeks and he has read about them.

The sweetest things happened. Our class decorated his office with sweet notes and Christmas decorations. His cancer has come back and he is starting treatment and hasn't felt well. He responded by kindly cancelling our final which was good for us and good for him. Another class gave him the gift of going to our temple with him in mind, sending love and strength his way. He didn't know this. I snuck him a little email letting him know what his students had done for him and that he was loved. He sent me an email back saying he had the best students and that he had just got out of the Temple himself and had written my name on the prayer log. It was such a blessing to my life. It is no little thing to feel supported and thought about. And to be buoyed up by prayer. Really really special.

 

I have just been gaining and gaining weight. It scares me because I feel like I am where I once was which is STUCK. Like I can't control it or fix it. but then as I type this I remember the answer. I need to quit or SUPER cut back on sugar. When I do that my cravings our much more controlled. I feel STUCK because I am caught in addiction of the food I am eating. When I quit eating those thihjgs (okay I spell checked this word, it is supposed to say things and spell check told me "thighs"!!!!!! Figures!) I get unstuck. That is a huge little revelation for me just now. I have learned it fifty times but I needed to remember it!. It is hard right now because of Christmas and we have all these plans to make goodies. But I am MISERABLE heavier. MISERABLE. I tasted being thinner and I am MISERABLE. I have some work to do. I have 20 pounds to get off and I have to quit pop. Maybe I will quit the pop. Again. Yes, I know. Again. But I can't do it all right now over Christmas break but I bet I could do pop. That would be one huge thing to go back to school free of. Okay, that will be my goal.

Oh! Kassidy made up pray today in a public restaurant. I admit I was highly amused and uncomfortable. Is that bad? But she just rolled off her prayer and didn't care who saw or heard. That made me proud. I'm obviously not as strong or mature as her! Justine, who is SO shy about stuff and not interested in showing any sort of outward emotion was texting me last night because Kassidy made her say companion prayer before they went to bed. And apparently they prayed at Burger King as well. Justine said she just kept shoving fries in her mouth. (She gets so embarrassed) So fun. Life can be so fun.

SO SAD.

This semester is almost over. I have loved almost every minute of it. It was such a great experience.

I had a class about Ethics with one of my very favirot teachers. Paul Roberts. He is so funny and does such an excellent job really teaching us and driving the concepts home.

The other class I had was group. The whole class was actually a group like we were in group therapy. The class was three days a week. One day we would learn about a new method of running the group. Then next day we would do activites to teach us more about that method and the next day we actually had group with that method.

I had heard some yucky things about past groups not getting along, not having trust, not every actually getting the group to mesh. Our group from day one was a beautiful group. We were kind and accepting and we were safe and felt safe to share and it was honestly a beautiful experience.

One day we learned about giving strokes which are giving compliments. We talked about how we all need them but sometimes we hold back giving them and sometimes we need them and should just ask for one. For the activity one person was picked and we all were told to write strokes to this person. Then one by one (30 of us) we went up to this person and faced them and read to them our stroke. The person cried. They needed to hear these strokes so desperately. I sat there and told my cute friend I sit by that this was the best day ever. It was a really beautiful and special experience.

Anyway, this semester is practically over. And then I am on to my first internship at the Adult Parole and Probation. Ha!

Kate got her face painted at the Halloween Carnival at school. Ummmm.......Yeah.

 

I thought it was pretty hysterical.

 

Nathan can NOT get up for early morning seminary. Look how many alarm clocks he has to have. And he still can't get up. The one is a literal siren. UGH.

 

Hi friends,

Our dog has taken over the house. He is SO HAIRY. I HATE it. I need Ceaser the dog whisperer

When I come home from school he knows he is in trouble. I know when he has been naughty because he will slink over to me. I don't even have to say anything to him he just already knows he is bad. He sits in my chair! And gets it all hairy. And he knows.

So yesterday I had to go have a drug test for my internship. it was an experience already! I couldn't flush or run water and the lady was waiting right outside the door to make sure I didn't tamper with the results, and I learned a new term that apparently will be helpful in my intern but that I can't even repeat on my blog! This is going to be so interesting I can't wait.

Only eleven more days till this darling comes home. I can't even believe it. I am so nervous. So many changes!!!

Tonight I went to a party with the Social Work group at school. Love those kids. Love that they accepts me as one of them. Cept when one girl who was talking about her OLD father..... He is 42.....I am 43. Nice. But I love that they forget that I am really not one of them.

I like my job.

It's like I have four pesky little brothers and sometimes a few pesky brotherly customers that are added in too. I am a non stop tease target. They have convinced me it is because they like me but they torment me non stop. But I can hold my own.

We are moving our store today and tomorrow. Our cute little mom and pop store. I tried to convince my boss (who is also one of the pesky brothers) to let us have a shop dog but he would never go for it. He has done such a great job on the new store and really made some cool creative things. Here are a few pictures.

I am going to have to wear a pedometer to keep track of my walking because I have so far to go just to get to the shoes!

My boss totally made this wall. It is like rough cut wood and then he stained it all different colors. It looks dang cool.

The boys did not have even ONE sentimental moment about the old store. I made one of the boys take my picture behind the desk. I have grown in width!!!!! My shoulders are wider. So disappointing. But I am still fighting.

Today Justine and I went to Target and I found a few little things from the dollar section to go into Kassidy's package. She has two left. WEIRDEST THING EVER. I have sent her a little doo dad every week since she left (practically). Usually like a candy bar for her and her companion or this time I am sending her canned dehydrated snow....just silly stuff because I worry so much if she is ever in despair, I want her to have massive love in the middle of the week. I don't try to say that all braggy. I actually find it a little obsessive and a little "much". But I just did it. I am pretty organized and it was never a burden but only a joy so I did it because of that. Anyway....the thought that she only had TWO left. It is so weird. I am HIGHLY concerned she is going to be in mourning. She will get through it but selfishly, I don't want to hurt that much with her.

Today a customer came in who works at one of the places I wanted to intern. This person wasn't overly nice to me when I told them of my career plans. They weren't mean, just not especially nice. I went back to find their shoes and I reminded myself and I vowed to always be kind to the new people or the underdog or the people who are still trying to get where maybe you are in your career. I want to never pull a power trip on them just because I am already established and not scared anymore or in a higher position. That's all.

Justine bought herself a new camera. She loves photography. She does a really good job also. She got herself SUCH a deal. And it takes beautiful pictures. And now when I look at my pictures I think how much better they could be. But whatever.

So these are my Thanksgiving Day salt and pepper shakers. I seriously get so much ridiculous joy from seeing them up there.

Creepy faceless pilgrims

Ummm..... best ever....turkey on the roaster

Someone gave me these little stoves and I was so thrilled when I realized how great they went with the Thanksgiving theme.

So Sunday I have t take them all down and put up the Christmas ones. :)

I LOVE Memes. They all crack me up. I don't know who thinks of these things.

You guys. I can even walk towards the door without at LEAST two kids asking me where I am going. It is like tiring. And it is the older kids too!

And this one. Cause it's funny.

Happy turkey day

Hi, I don't know who all will find me here but thanks for caring enough to follow along. I am kind of excited now to have a private blog because I believe that those who are taking the time to log in and all that hassle....I feel like you guys might really love me. And I need to be in a "safer" place than I was before. Not that I had any problems or anything with readers or criticism or anything like that but I really gave a lot of "myself" away through my blogging. And I loved it and the timing in my life was right for it but now I am just feeling more private and I feel like I want to be less censored and less worried about who is reading what and thinking what. I think that is why I am kind of excited for this change. I am kind of ready for all my stuff to not be out there for everyone but I never wanted to give up blogging because I love giving this to my kids in the form of the book I make for them.

So...thanks for being here still. I appreciate you still caring about me. I care about you. And I am happy to see and know who is reading by those who have asked for invites.

So...now that we are more private I feel safer to say this. I am still in therapy. I never thought it would last this long. But Corey and I have good insurance that covers it very well and honestly, I need the extra support that a therapist gives. I am not going to go into the depth of that but lets just say I do. After Kristopher I saw a girl that I really loved so much. One day, out of the blue, something happened and she was dismissed from her job. It was truly upsetting to me. Broke my heart. So I have found another girl who I really like as well. She has helped me with quite a few things and has given me the extra support I have been needing. (Although you couldn't tell by me recent weight gain. Which is a whole other post. *cry*cry*cry*)

In one of my social work classes we talked about how when you are working with clients you have to be careful and aware that there are certain situations where they could be violent towards you. And so you might not want to have a lot of things sitting around that could be used as weapons. The teacher had some HORROR stories. I don't get too freaked out because I do understand it is his job to each us and make us aware. SO when I went to see Rachel I was in her office sitting there (she had stepped out for a minute) looking at all the things "wrong" and weapony in her office. She isn't worried about it. There was this bowl that I truly thought was an ornate glass piece of artwork.

My spidey sense go off. WEAPON. I pick it up to closer analyze

it. It's plastic! What the what! When Rachel came back I asked her about it and it is made of....

Bo

Bo and Kate get SO bored. Kate does not play well by herself. And since I am so involved in other things I try to plan stuff occasionally. So I decided we would make these for Christmas gifts. The kids enjoyed them very much and they are pretty cool!

 

 

 

They enjoyed making them. So the other day my boss needed to borrow my car for a minute. His was hooked up to his huge trailer. When I went to go home that night I was like having to readjust my seat over and over to get it right. He is a giant. Then I realized he had put more than a 1/2 a tank of gas in my car. I was very low. It was so kind of him I almost cried. He is a very good boss.

I am happy because I finally read the last of my book that I felt obligated to read. (I actually do have one left but I am not counting that one. It is my traveling book) So I began a new one that I wanted to read called "Is there no place on earth for me" about a woman with schizophrenia in the 1970's and her journey in mental institutions etc. It has been very interesting so far. This morning when I woke up I laid in bed and read. The sun was just coming up and the house was warm and none of us had any obligations for the day. It was beautiful.

"You Don't Have to Be Pretty. You don't owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse/partner, not to your co-workers, especially not to random men on the street. You don't owe it to your mother, you don't owe it to your children, you don't owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent you pay for occupying a space marked "female".
I'm not saying that you SHOULDN'T be pretty if you want to. (You don't owe UN-prettiness to feminism, in other words.) Pretty is pleasant, and fun, and satisfying, and makes people smile, often even at you. But in the hierarchy of importance, pretty stands several rungs down from happy, is way below healthy, and if done as a penance, or an obligation, can be so far away from independent that you may have to squint really hard to see it in the haze."

From....http://www.cjanekendrick.com/2012/12/hey-ever-something-i-want-you-to-know.html