Dang! Another 15 days and I haven't blogged again!!!!!

I just decided I better write about what happened when the family went camping.

I didn't go. I just cant tell you how much I really hate camping. And I had GOBS of homework AND I got this stupid illness again and I just didn't feel that great. I feel everyone on FB sees these pictures of my family going and probably thinks I am terrible for not going. But I just HATE it. And I do go sometimes. But Corey actually likes getting the kids to himself anyways. OH! And also Nathan had to work and I don't want to leave him alone.

So anyway. All that to say I didn't go.

So Corey had to go meet Justine who was driving up seperately and he left Rhett and Bo and Kate at the campsite. Kate went down a little path to find a stick. She heard a voice tell her to "go back and the stick doesn't matter." So sweet girl went back.

She told Justine later that it was the Holy Ghost. Isn't that beautiful? I don't know what could have/would have happened but I am proud of Kate for listening.

And...I know that their camp site is 1 mile and a half from Corey's bear bate. And I know that Corey's trail camera that he has aimed on his bear bate picked up this picture!!!!!

Seriously, hate camping. 

Kate brought home this little plant cup of dirt home from school. It has turned into these...I keep thinking they are pea pods? I think it is amazing that the plant still knows how to be what it is supposed to be even on a tinier level then it can achieve because it is in a little cup. Or it might not be pea pods at all and they are supposed to be this tiny. I'm not quite sure. 

Yesterday I worked at my boot store. I have been there four years now. Nick is so good to us. I have only been working every other Saturday but he still let me have a pretty nice bonus since the store did well last month. I told him he didn't need to but he said I have earned it other months. Because of moving into our new store a lot of vendors sent us fun stuff. He let us take some of it which was great fun and then because of our work for the grand opening (which wasn't much for me again) he is giving us all a pair of shoes of our choice. He is just so good. I feel so lucky to be able to work there. When I go there I am always like... "ahhhh. My friends."

So I was a horrible blogger but I feel like I should summarize my last semester (about three and 1/2 months) so I have it down for record. I had four classes, research, religion, internship class, policy and then my internship (18 hours a week). It was all extremely enjoyable. I ended up with A- or A's in all of the classes. I would be gone EVERY morning by 7 and home most nights by 7. It was really not what I had planned but the internship kept me away more at night then I thought plus there were just things I wanted to do with my internship that were at night. So I probably "should" have stayed home and been mom but I really wanted these experiences. The guilt of not being there "at the crossroads" is really big for me. I want to be there deeply but I have also committed myself to this schooling which I am so close to being done and I just want to finish it. So I really hope I am "enough" in other ways that i am not hurting my children. This next semester it will be very different and I am hoping it will not effect the kids near as much. I stayed at home for twenty years. I loved every second of it. I still feel jealous of others staying at home.  I always am like "what am I doing????" But I was also exhausted from staying home. And there are about five other reasons which I just don't feel like typing out that are reasons why I ended up on this path.

Anyway...all that to say I survived the semester and I really enjoyed the teachers and the students and aside from being BUSY it wasn't hard work. 

The internship I have mixed feelings about. It is hard to be thrown into this professional world with professionals and to not really know where your place is. It was scary and hard but also I learned so may interesting things. I think the hard part was feeling so insecure about myself the whole time. I have gained weight, I am older then all of these people supervising me, but they are the professionals and are better then me and I didn't really know what I was even doing half the time because I am only an intern. I have gained weight, I feel so uncomfortable in professional clothes and only own four outfits...it is just a LOT out of my comfort zone. 

The things that I learned and did that were great are as follows...

• Went "in the field" which means I went with the Parole Officers to check on their offenders. They wore their whole uniforms with guns and everything. I had to were a bullet proof vest. 
• Went to class with men who had committed Domestic Violence crimes, learning the new skills they learned.
• Attended weekly group and ran them towards the end. Three a week.
• Went to court weekly with the men and women who were in Domestic Violence Court for committing crimes
• Went to Mental Heath Court weekly where people with mental health issues have committed crimes and see the judge weekly. 
• Went to Sexual Offender treatment to see what the offenders treatment is like.
• Learned how to write parole violations and discharges, check-ins with the offenders.
• Went to jail a few times.
• Sat in on different assessments
• Sat in on pre-sentence investigation
• Went to days of motivational interviewing training (where one of the Parole Officers though I was only 27! Score.)
• Went to Prea training 
• Got handcuffed
• Read file upon file of criminal acts

That doesn't sound like a ton but I was pretty busy and I soaked in everything I could. 

My last few days I gave everyone a little bag of those pink and white DELICIOUS frosted animal cookies that everyone loves with a thank you tag. It was like 40 people! And I wrote some specific thank you cards to those who I worked with more closely. 

I took donuts to the offenders on the last day of my three groups. They all really liked it. The group that was the most challenging actually was very kind when they found out I was leaving. Wishing me well, thanking me kindly for the donuts, it was a sweet surprise. 

I received some great compliments from one of the guys in charge saying I was a great intern and it had been a great experience. He had said I could stay my 2nd semester but I really had learned the basics of what there was to learn and needed to move on for more basics of other things. But I felt very complimented. I had a lot of fun joking and being accepted by many of the staff and it was fun. 

I don't think everyone loved me. And that is  the way it is in life. I was graded pretty good but also honest with areas I need to improve in. That doesn't always feel good until my therapist explains that those grades still meant I was proficient in those area and could do the job. I just wasn't given an EXCELLENT in many of the areas. If I was given EXCELLENTS then why did I even need to be there?

I did actually struggle with wanting to love up all the offenders. I wanted to be friends with everyone and I want to have all these excuses why they couldn't possibly have been as guilty as they were. I also wanted to force them to be good instead of letting them have their own free will. So those are some areas of improvement I need. 

I will never be judgmental about the offenders again. Most of them were just people too. Addiction is SUCH a problem. If people could just never do drugs so many of these problems would not be a problem. 

Anyway, so I guess that is a recap of my experience there. I only have one picture although I am hoping for a few more to be emailed to me. 

Here I am getting handcuffed. It hurts!!!!!!

So Kate has learned to text on my phone. I have this old flip phone. The guys at the Adult Parole Office use to tease me like "what is that????" I actually don't love learning new technology and so it is still very much right up my alley.

Anyway, Kate has figured out how to text her sister at college and her siblings who live at home who have phones and her dad at work and one random friend I go to college with by accident and her Aunt Sherri. 

It keeps her very busy and happy. 

Justine did get a text from Aunt Sherri saying "for the love of......get that phone away from her!!!!!!" She had sent her like 32 texts. Sherri couldn't text me to tell me to stop because then Kate would see. Haha. 

The funniest was when Kate text Nathan and told him to go get Kate a treat at the gas station. He did it! He thought the text was from me and went to the gas station to get her a treat!!!

#1) Sweet boy to just get her a treat because I said....

#2) I never said! Kate totally played him! It was pretty dang funny. He was like "wow".

I have had a week off from school. I have loved it. Why did I ever leave the house again? I love being at home. I have to remind myself why. And the WHY is good. It just is confusing sometimes. Anyway, it has been a nice week but I have literally been sick for two and a half weeks. Like cough my guts out, dizzy in bed for part of it, fee like I am drowning in some sort of weird wet cough....weirdness! I never get sick. It has really annoyed me. 

Today in therapy with Rachel I just cried and cried about a bunch of nonsense. I get sick and depressed fast. I honestly commend Corey for handling his Lupus so well. He's a big fat baby if he gets a cold but he handles having Lupus pretty dang good. 

Nathan has had a girl friend for a bit. She is a perfectly nice girl but I don't really approve of having boyfriend/girlfriend in high school, but I can't stop everything they do, so whatever. He came home with this post board and asked me if I would write the words out and then he went over and stood in her grass and had her come out front. I guess it was a hit. I thought it was a cute idea and his sisters almost cried because they want that bear!!!!! 

I love Bo. He is a sweet, gentle, spirit.

I heard somewhere that right before bed you should fill your kids with good feelings because they take it to bed with them. No pressure. Ca sue bed time is sometimes GET TO BED at our house. Bo and Kate and I insist I tuck them in every night and say their prayer FOR them. I finally have Kate saying part of her own. We take turns with each sentence. Its ridiculous but she likes it. Bo...nope. He wont say his own so I have to say it. When I was sick I couldn't tuck either of them in but love just so had it that Justine was home so she did. And Bo made her pray. And she is so shy and felt so weird. But I thought it was the sweetest thing that he made her.

When I decided I was going to say good things to him I was thinking of that cool teacher that is on FB sometimes who is telling the kids You are special. And you are a great part of the class room. I like that guy. So I told Bo I loved him. And the he and I had been through a lot together. Because he had 13 ear infections before he turned one and he and I would rock and rock all night that whole year. He liked that for about a second and then had to discuss the exact feeling of what an ear ache feels like and how what happens if you can't have medicine and on and on. He likes to learn how stuff works!

He really has become addicted to the iPad. It's bad. And I let him play because I have been doing too much lazy parenting. Today I told him no more. He and Kate played "puppies" for hours. It was awesome. I never let the other kids have much access to video games. We don't have a wii or Nintendo or anything. But Corey has is work iPad and I did what I knew I would do. Let him waster his brain so I didn't have more stress.

But tonight in his prayer I told heavenly Father to help his cough get better. Bo told me that I shouldn't have said that. Because now his cough was going to take longer to go away. That I should say that his cough gets worse. HUH? Smart guy, I finally understood that he didn't want me to pray for his cough to get better at doing it's job which is too cough! Haha.

Love him.