So I was a horrible blogger but I feel like I should summarize my last semester (about three and 1/2 months) so I have it down for record. I had four classes, research, religion, internship class, policy and then my internship (18 hours a week). It was all extremely enjoyable. I ended up with A- or A's in all of the classes. I would be gone EVERY morning by 7 and home most nights by 7. It was really not what I had planned but the internship kept me away more at night then I thought plus there were just things I wanted to do with my internship that were at night. So I probably "should" have stayed home and been mom but I really wanted these experiences. The guilt of not being there "at the crossroads" is really big for me. I want to be there deeply but I have also committed myself to this schooling which I am so close to being done and I just want to finish it. So I really hope I am "enough" in other ways that i am not hurting my children. This next semester it will be very different and I am hoping it will not effect the kids near as much. I stayed at home for twenty years. I loved every second of it. I still feel jealous of others staying at home.  I always am like "what am I doing????" But I was also exhausted from staying home. And there are about five other reasons which I just don't feel like typing out that are reasons why I ended up on this path.

Anyway...all that to say I survived the semester and I really enjoyed the teachers and the students and aside from being BUSY it wasn't hard work. 

The internship I have mixed feelings about. It is hard to be thrown into this professional world with professionals and to not really know where your place is. It was scary and hard but also I learned so may interesting things. I think the hard part was feeling so insecure about myself the whole time. I have gained weight, I am older then all of these people supervising me, but they are the professionals and are better then me and I didn't really know what I was even doing half the time because I am only an intern. I have gained weight, I feel so uncomfortable in professional clothes and only own four outfits...it is just a LOT out of my comfort zone. 

The things that I learned and did that were great are as follows...

• Went "in the field" which means I went with the Parole Officers to check on their offenders. They wore their whole uniforms with guns and everything. I had to were a bullet proof vest. 
• Went to class with men who had committed Domestic Violence crimes, learning the new skills they learned.
• Attended weekly group and ran them towards the end. Three a week.
• Went to court weekly with the men and women who were in Domestic Violence Court for committing crimes
• Went to Mental Heath Court weekly where people with mental health issues have committed crimes and see the judge weekly. 
• Went to Sexual Offender treatment to see what the offenders treatment is like.
• Learned how to write parole violations and discharges, check-ins with the offenders.
• Went to jail a few times.
• Sat in on different assessments
• Sat in on pre-sentence investigation
• Went to days of motivational interviewing training (where one of the Parole Officers though I was only 27! Score.)
• Went to Prea training 
• Got handcuffed
• Read file upon file of criminal acts

That doesn't sound like a ton but I was pretty busy and I soaked in everything I could. 

My last few days I gave everyone a little bag of those pink and white DELICIOUS frosted animal cookies that everyone loves with a thank you tag. It was like 40 people! And I wrote some specific thank you cards to those who I worked with more closely. 

I took donuts to the offenders on the last day of my three groups. They all really liked it. The group that was the most challenging actually was very kind when they found out I was leaving. Wishing me well, thanking me kindly for the donuts, it was a sweet surprise. 

I received some great compliments from one of the guys in charge saying I was a great intern and it had been a great experience. He had said I could stay my 2nd semester but I really had learned the basics of what there was to learn and needed to move on for more basics of other things. But I felt very complimented. I had a lot of fun joking and being accepted by many of the staff and it was fun. 

I don't think everyone loved me. And that is  the way it is in life. I was graded pretty good but also honest with areas I need to improve in. That doesn't always feel good until my therapist explains that those grades still meant I was proficient in those area and could do the job. I just wasn't given an EXCELLENT in many of the areas. If I was given EXCELLENTS then why did I even need to be there?

I did actually struggle with wanting to love up all the offenders. I wanted to be friends with everyone and I want to have all these excuses why they couldn't possibly have been as guilty as they were. I also wanted to force them to be good instead of letting them have their own free will. So those are some areas of improvement I need. 

I will never be judgmental about the offenders again. Most of them were just people too. Addiction is SUCH a problem. If people could just never do drugs so many of these problems would not be a problem. 

Anyway, so I guess that is a recap of my experience there. I only have one picture although I am hoping for a few more to be emailed to me. 

Here I am getting handcuffed. It hurts!!!!!!