Kicking against the pricks. Ouch!

Sorry to blog about Kristopher again. Sorry to blog about my crazy mental health journey and religion and such personal things again....When I thought about writing this post I thought no...they are probably tired of hearing about my nuttiness but then I had to remind myself...while I was in my sacred grove...that my blog has ultimately been for my children. So they will truly know me. And this is where I get to teach them life lessons. And while they don't read my blog now (thankfully, or  how would I talk about them if they did!?) they will someday and if I can leave them the things I am learning and they go back as adults and read my journey, then they will hopefully learn things from me. So this is for them. My lessons are what I have to leave them.

Here are some things that I have learned or been reminded of in the last day or so.....

Kristopher told me the other day that I keep "kicking against the pricks".

What the what?

I am telling you he has mental brain x-ray vision. How does he know these things???? I didn't tell him I was doing it...for all he knew I was going along with all his counsel and healthy advice. But I have been kicking against the pricks. To my own detriment. And I have been consciously doing it. Why? I DON'T KNOW! I have a rebellious natural man spirit I guess! I annoy myself that way sometimes.

Here is how I have been kicking against the pricks....in Kristopher's book it talks about Positive Proclamations. (Just buy his book already and read it so you know what I am talking about!) I believe what he says about brain neuroplasticity. when you tell yourself negative things those negative things sort of "grow" in your brain through cells. When you tell yourself positive things, those positive things also "grow" in your brain. And you begin to feel better. It takes three weeks so don't give up or kick against the pricks like I do. So I had been reading my list of positive proclamations and I felt better. But then I quit. Why? I don't know. I don't. Because I am rebellious? Because it is easier to wallow in your sorrows? Because sometimes feeling sad feels good...until it doesn't anymore? Because I get lazy? Because I am noncommittal? Because I lack faith?  Because telling yourself those things feels like lying to yourself ? (Apparently that is how you know it is working. It will feel like a lie).

So I haven't been doing it and he called me on it yesterday. Only we didn't really discuss what exactly I haven't been doing. But we did discuss God a lot. And I am sorry to admit this in public but I said to Kristopher, after we discussed prayer and how he believes God has things planned out, like me being in his office, like certain heartaches that happen that later are able to teach you things, I said to him....

"But what if none of it is really true. What if all these things are just coincidences and we are saying God did it."

And Kristopher broke my hear t by saying "You can think of it that way if you want to 'ye of little faith' girl...."

I cried. It hurt.

Because it is true. I know my Kristopher would never hurt me so I don't feel hurt by him. But the truth hurts.  And learning and stretching hurts. And faith is sometimes something I struggle with. Because sometimes I feel like I have been struggling alone.  And the more faithlessness I have the more faithlessness I feel. It feeds on itself. Just like my negative thoughts feed in my brain because of neuroplasticty. Just like positive thought would beget more positive thoughts because of neuroplasticity.

I get discouraged because going through trials is so lonely and ultimately in life you are so alone. Kristopher said that was one thing he did want to take up with God, (He told me they fight sometimes. :)) about how alone we as people on the earth really are. We have each other, we do. But we are still alone. No one can go through our trials for us. They are ours to bear alone.

He decided we are so alone because it bring us to our knees to Him. And it does. And that is why I loved our girls camp theme this year. (I still have a great story to tell about camp.) F.R.O.G. Fully Rely on God. Because sometimes He is All. There. Is. And the sooner we learn that He is everything the easier it will be.

I don't know Kristopher's exact words any more. But basically if I would exercise my faith, give credit to God for the things that may seem like coincidences, it would be similar to my Positive Proclamations. At first it might feel like a lie. But then it wouldn't any more. And I would be opening myself up to His blessings and His Spirit. Makes sense. And when I  went for a walk with my friend Camy,  we discussed all of this. She told me in R.B's talk he said you need to empty your self of self.... and fill it up with Jesus. Wow, huh?!

So I had all these thought in my head. I dropped Kate off to preschool (HOLY HALLELUJAH) and I went to my sacred grove. Even. though. I felt. nothing. the. other. days. But I can't quit because I have Kristopher in my head saying I want everything to be easy. I didn't  feel booming spiritual things this time either. I even had a scripture come into my mind and I got all excited and when I looked it up....it. mean. absolutely. nothing. lol.

However, the first day in my sacred grove (did everyone read the post as to why I am calling it that or are you all just thinking I am nutty?) I did feel like I should read this book my friend Aine swears by and even purchased for me (thanks friend!) It is called "Change your questions, change your life" by Wendy Watson Nelson.

So today....I read about the negative questions we ask ourselves. Same kind of stuff as Super Hero is teaching me. About all that negative thinking. Black and white thinking. I am the queen of it. In fact one of my first visits with Kristopher, after a very lengthy discussion about what is wrong with my life, he started pretending to stab himself as I had just killed him by saying everyone one of his "swear" words. I''ll share his list later.

Wendy gives a list of trouble making question that are spiritually weakening....

And she says "What trouble making questions do you presently ask yourself, others, or the Lord that invite the 4 D's into your life and relationships?"

And the four D's are....

And she says

"Which question is the biggest bully in your life?"
"Which one pushes you around the most and causes you the most trouble?"
"What questions cause trouble for you?"


She says "Do you want to change your life? Then change your questions!"

So I think all of that is good information. All about being more positive in your thinking. All about changing your words so they are not so black and white. Which Kristopher says are bad words.

So then I read the next page....

 

And I find it interesting that Kristopher and I are talking about this exact same thing yesterday. And then it is reinforced during my sacred grove time today! That just HAS to count for something, right?

And I am going to work on not kicking against the pricks anymore.

"Gregory" from "Answers, Yahoo" was voted best answer for his idea of what "kicking against the prick" means....

"A large percentage of people in the first century were tillers of the soil. Oxen were used to work the soil. The prick or goad was a necessary devise. The prick was usually a wooden shaft with a pointed spike (prick) at one end. The man working the ox would position the goad in such a way as to exert influence and control over the ox. You see, if the ox refused the command indicated by the farmer, the goad would be used to jab or prick the ox. Sometimes the ox would refuse this incentive by kicking out at the prick. As result, the prick would be driven deeper into the flesh of the rebellious animal. The more the animal rebelled, the more the animal suffered. Hence, the statement to Saul: "It is hard for thee to kick against the pricks." (Saul was rebelling against God.)"

I love the symbolism of that term now. 

Sheesh! All this thinking and growing and learning is a lot of mental work!

Why do I even care....

What kind of boots men are wearing!!!!

Seriously! I was at a stop sign during road construction and I actually looked at the worker to check out his boots! That is completely weird! When I was at girls camp I asked one of the men that was there what brand of boots he had on! It's totally bizarro. My boss said he does the same thing so I guess it is a symptom of working at a boot store.

I worked yesterday and a man called and I answered. He was totally taken back for a minute. He said, "I have NEVER heard a girl's voice there before." I was amused.

So last week I worked alone at the store for one of my first real times. It was slammin' busy and I sold a lot of boots. I felt pretty proud that I handled so much alone. At the end of the day I found this on the computer. (My boss has access to the computer from home. And this is like a little fake post it note on the screen. Cute! Huh?!) Have I already mentioned how nice he is?

So Kristopher was right about facing my fears. I cannot tell you the terror I have felt starting a new job let alone in such foreign territory as men's boots. But I have made it through and it has turned out fine and I did it. So I guess facing your fears has some benefits even though I prefer to not strecth myself most always. Did you notice Kristopher was right? ....Again? Told you he was a super hero.

So......I went to my "Sacred Grove" and had some communion time with God. And.....

nothing miraculous happened. But I studied some scriptures and decided I need to LEARN to BE STILL. I despise STILLNESS. I love the tv on, music on, texting, the computer on...I don't like quiet.

So I think a big lesson I need to learn in my "Sacred Grove" is to be still. That was a thought I kept having.

And the other thought I kept having was from what Camy told me about R.B.'s talk. "Relationships take time!"

So this communion time might take just that...time. And I cannot just give up. I want to prove to God that I will do what it takes to have a relationship with Him. Also because I have been told by Kristopher that I like to take the easy road. Duh! Don't you?

He told me today that loss and hurt and suffering is the time we need to ask God "what do you want me to learn from this?" Instead of just wishing adversity wasn't happening to you. You probably don't want to pray for adversity but you pray to know what you need to learn from it. Most of the time I think you learn compassion. Kristopher would agree. I learned that from him. That is how Christ has so much compassion for us. He learned it when he was suffering for all our sins and feeling all our pain.

Kristopher and I had a lengthy discussion about prayer and God. He told me how lots of times God talking back to you is impressions in your mind that is from Him. He says he prays to God as a best friend. Just like R.B. said to do. Can  I tell you how blessed I feel that a therapist can also be my spiritual guide? A mental health one and a spiritual one? Can it get better? No. So grateful for the lessons I am learning.

I decided my sacred grove would be in my closet. Because that would be a place I could go even if people are still home. And there is something lovely and symbolic about praying in your closet that comes from the scriptures.

Matthew 6:6- But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.

Also I have the Lamborghini of all closets. Our house is nothing fancy but our closet is basically a whole room to itself. Okay....maybe not like a movie star closet but pretty good for a normal person closet. I love it.

My "Sacred Grove". I made a little "nest" in there. Where is yours?

Remind me to revisit this topic with "walk in the wilderness" that Kristopher talks about in his book.

You wonder how I finally have found time to go to my "sacred grove"?


Here's the answer...

 

Sweet glorious blissful two hours three days a week. Nobody call me or ask anything from me during those hours. I will say no. I am having stillness and blog book construction time.

 

(Don't you love her slanty eyes? They look like her cousin's, Allison.)

The best 18th birthday present ever!

So Kassidy had her eighteenth birthday party the other night. It was a fun little night with some great teenagers eating dinner and watching a movie in the park. Kassidy wrote the invite and sent it via FB before I even had a chance to review it. She invited 110 peole....that cracked me up!

massive popcorn!!!

I hung these signs at school and her work...she loved it

getting ready for the movie

Kassidy's Aunt and Uncle stopped by. When they saw that all our little kids were mingling about with Kassidy's friends, her Uncle told me his sister would have died if her little siblings were at the party. I was happy that Kassidy is not embarrassed to have the whole family hang out and that her friends were sweet enough to not even seem to care.

I know teenagers get a super bad rap in life. I don't really see why so much. Maybe I am just around some really good ones. I like them. They are funny and nice.

AND....I just couldn't end the evening without a really great event happening. It was my present to Kassidy. The kids were sitting there watching the movie. I walked over to talk to her Prom date to tell him something about the lap top. I tripped over nothing and fell right in front of him and all the kids watching the movie. It was like a trip and roll on the grass thing. And then David (the prom date), Crystal (one of my favorite teens), and I, laughed and laughed and laughed. As I was laying on the ground from falling. Kassidy looked at me and said, "I don't know you". And we all laughed some more.

It. was. classic.

And super funny.

All growed up.

My daughter turns 18 today. I wonder whose life I am living. Because I am not a mother of an 18 year old. I am still not that much older than 18.

(Traditional birthday breakfast with dad. Tired girl!) 

The other day she pulled the 18 card and told the school she was almost 18 and could sign for herself so she could get out of school and not take electives she didn't need credit for. I was actually pretty proud of that. I want her to handle her own life. And I have a lot of confidence that she can. We learned she gets home at 1:00pm from school everyday. WEIRD!!!! It is going to turn into a blessing though to help with my busy schedule.

She cracked me up the other day by saying she was going to hurry and finish reading the Old Testament before church seminary starts. She told me she only has to do SEVENTY pages a day and she will have it done. SEVENTY!!!! Ha. Ha. Ha.  She was disgusted that some people had told her she couldn't do it. I didn't want to be one of those people. I told her she definitely could do it. But that was a lot of reading. I don't know yet how she is coming along with her goal. She busts me up she is so funny.

She wants a Thor cake. I almost always make their cakes and it is a big deal. I decided to order her one. I have to make Bo one on the exact day and throw an 18 b-day party and it is just a lot. Plus Kassidy told me she wanted really thick big frosting. Which means to me store bought. So when I told her I ordered one I was worried about her being disappointed. Instead...she was worried about ME being disappointed that I wasn't making her one. She was happy with a store bought cake and I was ecstatic not to have more pressure. Sweet girl.

She is a darling. She had a rough start but she is a darling. She is funny, and sassy and a lover of books. She is feisty and cranky and generous.

I admire her so deeply because she escaped my genetic fear of everything. She is brave and strong and not a chicken. And that makes me so happy for her to think she will be living a life free from irrational fears. (unlike Justine and me. Justine is scared of sharks even if our pool. I am scared of aliens. Like sometimes when I am driving home in the dark alone, if I look into the passenger seat and picture an alien there I jump and freak out. Do you ever do that? No? Just me?)

Kassidy is my girl who will patiently sleep on the couch for me when dad is out of town. And she does it so kindly even though she thinks it is absolutely ridiculous. I love that she thinks it is ridiculous. I love that she is rational.

I love that her two career choice revolve around writing and working with adults with disabilities. It is amazing to see who your children become.


On to another subject... Don't I need this hanging in my house somewhere? Or on a t-shirt? I ADORED it. I thought it was the most cutest, funnest thing ever.

Do you LOVE it?

And today I went to see Kristopher. And I basked in the peace his insight and knowledge brings. And we talked about trials of OCD and he recommended a book called "Brain Lock". He sure has me reading a lot. But I like it. And we (when I say we I really mean I) avoided other subjects I didn't want to discuss. I had a headache from stress. But I promise myself to discuss them next week. They aren't even that extreme. But sometimes little things still affect your life. I have steadily been sending business his way. Today we discussed it. I told him people ask what I have been doing to lose weight and I say therapy. And it is true. I have lost 40 pounds now.

Corey hiked the Middle Teton.

 He took a group of work friends and he was their "guide". Proud of his stamina and his bravery and his in-shape-ness. Sounds like he is a good support to those who are scared or hiking a bit slower. I know because of how he treated me in THIS  and THIS post. When I cried. A lot. And listened to Rob and Neil Diamond for support.

Yowza long post. Read and share your thoughts though! I'd love to hear. Maybe. Unless they are mean.

I chatted with a friend last night. She has been a friend for maybe 8 years now....? I think? She is a bit reserved in the getting to know her process, but watch out...once you do you have a friend for life.  She has been a great friend to me. She has helped me out materialistically and emotionally.

Camy recently just went with one of our other BFF's to a church education week. It is at the local college and it is three days full of classes on things from running your home better, raising your kids, increasing your testimony, music.....everything. I use to love to go but just haven't for years. I miss it.

So Camy was telling me about this great class she and Linda took and I haven't been able to get the concept out of my mind. Linda had also told me that this class was a life altering class.
It was taught by a man named Ronald E. Bartholomew. We are going to call him R.B.  Let me get back to that in a second....

As some of you may know, sometimes people think us Mormons are kinda kooky. And one of the reasons for that has to do with a fourteen year old boy named Joesph.

Okay...you ready for it? Mormons believe.....and yes, I believe it with all my heart.....that in the spring of 1820 a fourteen year old boy named Joseph was confused about religion. He prayed to God in a grove of trees that is known to us as "The sacred grove". A little grove of trees. A quiet place Joseph sought out for the purpose of prayer, communion and searching for answers from God.
And God did indeed appear. With His Son, Jesus Christ. And He directed Joesph. And with that direction began the "Mormon" church.

And it sounds kooky. But to us it's not. To us it's beautiful. To us it makes perfect sense that God would answer the sincere prayer of a humble boy. To us it shines with truth and love and comfort. We love Joseph. We love that if God knew a 14 year old boy and answered his humble prayer...then God knows us. And will answer our humble prayers.

"I had actually seen a light, and in the midst of that light I saw two Personages, and they did in reality speak to me; and though I was hated and persecuted for saying that I had seen a vision, yet it was true. . . . I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it." Joseph Smith—History 1:25.

So "The Sacred Grove" is the part of the story that I want to mention in regards to R.B's talk, told to me by my buddy, Camy.

I told you that my beloved Kristopher called me entitled? I think I did. And that it didn't settle well with me because that is a naughty word. But then I went home and in a few days it was shown to me that I was indeed entitled. I have been wanting intelligence and inspiration that I had not been working for or earning. Really, barely even trying for it. But I was frustrated I haven't been given it.

And Kristopher in his super heroish, brain fortune teller ways, called me out on it.

Then God has been reinforcing it ever since with different experiences. Slow and steady. Which seems to be the way God is working with me lately. Gentle and steady. Through the mouths of others with many reinforcements. I appreciate the slow and steady. Letting me work out a lot of it in my brain week by week. I can't tolerate too much stimulation right now. He must know that. I get enough stimulation living with full time ADHD family members. And I am just frankly WORN down. And therefore I believe Heavenly Father is being gentle with me. Thankful.

So back to Camy's story about the talk.  Here are the notes she shared with me on the topic. And HERE is also a great article on it.

She said that R.B said we CAN have a personal relationship with our Heavenly Father. But that is takes effort on our part. You have to invest, you have to work. Relationships take time. Communication is work.

He said you need to find you own "Sacred Grove". A place where you can study and pray and meditate. A place that does not have distractions. A place that is not filled with electronics and things.

His "Sacred Grove"? Under the basement stairs! He has a little lamp and a chair and it is all set up as his place to commune with Heavenly Father. 

He brings a notebook and writes things down. Whatever he feels to do. When he feels an impression he writes it down. If he is inspired about a scripture, he searches the scripture.

Here are some steps...record impressions, ask if you got it right, study it out in your mind, ask if there is more to be given.

Change prayer from something you do... to a relationship. It's all about your relationship with God.  Don't try to rush the relationship. Believe God will talk to you. Ask in faith and believe God will tell you. Gradually your faith will be replaced with knowledge.

Prepare your mind and heart to be able and willing to receive. Listen trust respond. Don't assume your will and God's will are the same. We are attached to our will. We need to give that up. Say, "Heavenly Father you know what I want...is that what you want?" Ask if you have something you want to know. Ask for gifts of scriptures.

Never ever ever assume. What if one of the most important aspects of mothering was mislead because you assumed or didn't ask. That just reminds me to consult with God about everything. If our children are most important in our lives why are we (meaning me) not taking more of what pertains to them to prayer?

 Remember to pause, mediate, think about people, ponder. Take your decision to the Lord but be willing to let it go if you get a different answer.  Don't diss God or revelation because it's not happening the way you want. Don't give up. To accelerate the process ask is there more.

Do it at a time when your not rush. R.B gets up at 4 am! This single change of metaphorically going to your "Scared Grove" will have dramatic change in you life.

 R.B says he needs this more than AIR!!!!!

Today I was thumbing through Kassidy's scriptures. She is a girl after my own heart. She loves to stick keepsakes and mementos in her scriptures. I found this quote. Another way Heavenly Father is gently prodding me. Don't you agree?

As you feel the need to confide in the Lord or to improve the quality of your visits with him—to pray, if you please—may I suggest a process to follow: go where you can be alone, go where you can think, go where you can kneel, go where you can speak out loud to him. The bedroom, the bathroom, or the closet will do. Now, picture him in your mind’s eye. Think to whom you are speaking, control your thoughts—don’t let them wander, address him as your Father and your friend. Now tell him things you really feel to tell him—not trite phrases that have little meaning, but have a sincere, heartfelt conversation with him. Confide in him, ask him for forgiveness, plead with him, enjoy him, thank him, express your love to him, and then listen for his answers. Listening is an essential part of praying. Answers from the Lord come quietly—ever so quietly. In fact, few hear his answers audibly with their ears. We must be listening so carefully or we will never recognize them. Most answers from the Lord are felt in our heart as a warm comfortable expression, or they may come as thoughts to our mind. They come to those who are prepared and who are patient.-Burke Peterson

So Kristopher has told me I like to do all the easy things as far as therapy goes. But I necessarily don't want to do all the hard things. It is true. I feel like hard is overrated. Lol. I get all excited about the fun things in Kristopher's book. I have the vision board, the gratitude journal, the 100 fun things, the success book...I got all that creative fun stuff DOWN!

Same with the Sacred Grove concept. I have my place picked out! I have plans to decorate it a bit and make it "mine", I want to hang quotes, I have plans to use a blanket and a pillow and a lamp....I like to do all the fun creative stuff. But actual communion and scripture study? Taking  time from my day? Trying to sit in the quiet and commune? Frankly, being alone with my thoughts like that scares the bajeejee's out of me! Anyone who knows me knows I don't like silence. At. All.

But I think of R.B. saying he needed that time more than air???? WOW!!! WOW!!!!

And Kristopher has a whole section in his book about communing with God. Which I will share another day. He calls it "A walk in the wilderness" Scary sounding, I know! But we all know I trust him so what is a girl to do!

For my own personal record....Here are the ways Heavenly Father has been guided in this aspect...

1)Reading about Walk in the Wilderness from Kristopher's book
2)Being called Entitled. What the chicken???
3)Going to Cedar Badge in mountains and thinking for once I really should do a Walk in the Wilderness
4)Seeing Kristi at girls camp, study and work and turn to prayer.
5)receiving quote from Tate about working on your relationship with God
6)Having Solo time in the woods at girls camp. Laying on a blanket and having peace and wanting more.
7)Discussing with Kristopher about how it was time to go on my own Walk in the Wilderness
8)Listening to Camy talk about R.B's talk
9)Thinking and thinking about my own Sacred Grove.
10)Flipping through Kassidy's scriptures. Looking at all her "treasures" she has stashed in it. Finding the quote from above.

Do you think Heavenly Father is telling me it is time to get with the program? Alright already! I get the picture! Just kidding. Thanks for the help.

Go HERE for more of the story of Joesph Smith. You know you want to know. :)

I am just very random lately.

I have to admit and I hope this doesn't offend but I hate the feeling that I am a "working mom". It just hurts to leave the kids and go to "work". And I feel guilty over it.

But.... Today was a pretty happy day at work today. I had a fairly good time. It seriously makes all the difference in the whole planet earth that I am working for a sincerely nice person. I don't ever feel like if I make a mistake I am going to be "in trouble". I have had jobs like that before where the boss would snap at you or you were worried about making mistakes. This guy is so nice and quite a bit of fun.

Also...today he was talking about how it is getting time to leave me alone in the store. I told him I would agree. He was evaluating how long I had worked there and I was thinking he was going to say something negative (sorry Kristopher) about how long it is taking me and he said... "I think your doing pretty awesome actually!" Wahoo! I was very happy to hear that.

He keeps telling me jokes. I just don't get jokes. I guess I am dingy but I don't get them and when I do I just don't think they are that funny and I have to pretend to be amused and it is a little bit stressful for me. To fake thinking it is funny when I'm just not that amused.

Okay...so super exciting news!

Today I told my boss..."Please let me try the sewing machine....Please?"

A guy came in with boots that needed stitching.

He said YES!!!! I was super giddy about it. I had to hurry and "close out" so I had time but then I got to do it.

I AM. THE. FIRST. EMPLOYEE. TO. EVER. USE. THE. SEWING. MACHINE!!!!! No one else has ever asked! What the what is that all about!!!! I love to try new things that are completely non adventerous and somewhat meaningless!

Sooooo.....I had to wear the safety goggles. I CRACKED myself up in them!!! I come running to the front of the store bellowing to Nick about this hysterical picture I just took of myself only to find customers in the store! So he is all serious AND  throws me under the bus and asks me to help one of the guys. Like he never jokes around.

Isn't this a creepily hilarious picture of me???? What is going on with my wide nose!?? your nose grows with age. Am I starting it already??? Ugh. 40 sucks. I seriously have to spend money on face care products...

Here is the low down...

Night cream...about 5 bucks
Day cream....about five bucks
Fine line cleanser pads....8 bucks
Eye make up remover.....6 bucks
Special cotton pads to remove the make up...2 bucks
Regenerating eye cream.......HOLY 18 DOLLARS!!!!!!
General regenerating cream which I LOVE (thank you Melanie)... 18 dollars!!!!!!!!!! Getting old SUCKS!

Anyways.... it is seriously hard to get the rhythm of using the treadle. I had to use the hand thing also. But look how cute my foot is on the treadle!!! I loved it!!!!

Me practicing on a piece of leather. I wish I had "sewing men's boots on a crazy old sewing machine" on my bucket list!!!!!! Darn.

The boot....right in action...

Okay...here is my sewing job....I thought mine looked just as good as Nick's until I realized he had very precise stitching length.

mine...

Nick's... Aren't his stitch lengths perfect?

My dinner... My friend Janet who became a vegan bakes her vegetables like this. So I have started and I cannot say how delicious they are. Especially those yams. I googled it. They are yams. And all these vegetables are very few calories. I wasn't a fan of the red peppers though. I like them WAY better raw.

Corey's cousin had this hanging in her living room. It is called "The Power of One". I really am smitten by it.

Night!

Usawa!

Remember my friends who are trying to raise money to adopt to little girls from the Congo? They have come up with the coolest fundraiser ever.

Check it out!! HERE!

I ordered mine today. For the next 5 days all donations are being matched so now is the time to order.

I am minorly obsessed with mine. I couldn't decide (of course) but then decided "balance" was the one I had to get because that is what I am searching for desperately in life right now.

The ladies shirts are great. They are not normal t-shirts. They are really nice t-shirts.

The words in front are in Swahili which is the language their little girls speak. And then on the back is the word in English. Isn't is great?

I love that little knobby knee of the flamingo!

You is kind, you is smart, you is important. Randomest post ever.

The cool weather tonight is pure bliss to me. And the slight smell of rain? LOVE it. When I grew up in Colorado we had rain storms and the grandest thunderstorms ever. Love and miss those a TON.

You know how some people get depressed in the winter? I think I am the opposite. I do not do summer well. I hate the heat. And to sweat. And to try to clean house when I am hot. I complain non stop about the heat. I have noticed that about myself. So I will be glad for cooler weather.

This week Kristopher asked me if I was feeling suicidal. (I think it is his job as a health care guy to check that out once in a while. )

I told him no....I was feeling run awayacidal.....That right there is the truth!

I think I am pretty funny. Sometimes Kristopher is concentrating too hard on helping me to appreciate my funnyness.

It was nice when I went to work to pick up my pay check to see my new coworker/already friend, Gus. He is a nice person.

One day he cracked me up and I also thought he was so sweet. He told me when his wife was getting upset he would tell her "You is kind, you is smart, you is important." From the book "The Help" (that part with that precious little girl so disturbs me). Only he will just say it however and she will tell him he isn't saying it right.

So one day when I was struggling with something on the computer he started that with me... "You is kind, you is smart...." and I actually felt better! And I think it is super funny. Just thought I'd share that randomness with you.

Bo's jujitsu teacher is still one of the nicest men on this planet. I apologized via text to him for Bo's wild behavior in jujitsu. He had two time outs. He text (let's vote it should be texted) back "I love Bo very much and even on his bad days he is a pleasure to know." Does it get better then that?? Did you know that you don't wash their belts because it is a status symbol to have them dirty and grimy and hopefully bloody? Okay, don't quote me on that but it is something like that.

Today I took Bo to a school meeting and he had his uniform on and he had strawberry stains all over it. The Principal who is the owner of the jujitsu who gave Bo his scholarship to participate was pretty excited that it might be blood. Is it wimpy that it was just strawberries? I think Jared was disappointed.

(Sorry Aunt Wendy for sending you into a complete phobia attack looking at these pictures.)

Nathan found this incredible little baby bird. On. the. grass. In. the. middle. of. our. yard. Ready. to. be. cat. food. Justine has been mushing up worms and feeding it. Tomorrow we will reevaluate if we can find a place to take it for more experienced help. In my former veterinarian life it was very difficult to save a baby bird. And for Justine to smash up a worm is huge dedication. But I don't think it will survive.

I am slightly frustrated looking at it. Wouldn't it be terrible to only have to little stubby useless wings? He uses them though. Kinda grody. But look at that sweet face.

I mentioned Aunt Wendy....the girls have saved money to go see One Direction in 2013!!!! So us girls and my mom are going to take a road trip to California. JUST. US. I don't think I have had anything so exciting planned before. True...and Pathetic. But I am so thrilled. I must go there and slurp an oyster and eat real clam chowder. That is on my top priority list.

Tales from the boot store

I am tragically sad about not getting my blogging done. I am SO busy as usual. The time away at work is kicking my butt. I am working more right now just to get through training and then it will settle down. It is nice to have extra money but it hurts a bit to be working and away from my chickies. But it is also saving my sanity a bit to have a change of pace. But I think I am old now and it is making me tired. I FELL ASLEEP in sacrament today! First time EVER! I was holding Bo who was also asleep and when I woke up after a WHOLE talk Corey was laughing and said  I snored. I SO don't believe him.

Here is my funny boss sewing up some boots.

It is pretty impressive that he can sew the boots. He works the sewing machine with a foot pedal. He was very excited to show me how to thread the sewing machine and when I told him I sewed quiet books he actually said cool and asked what kind of machine I have (I couldn't tell him!). He was telling me super serious information about his sewing when he popped on his sunglasses to use as eye protective wear (He wears those glasses on his head ALL. DAY. I just couldn't take him seriously because he was sitting there sewing in practically the dark (I lightened up these pictures) with sunglasses on. He is such a guy. It is funny.

I really like him though. I think I might be stupid at boot knowledge and some computer knowledge. He is always patient at teaching me again though. He insists I am doing fine and it is a lot to learn. He got after me for not having more positive thoughts (Do you think he sees my Kristopher on the side???).

He has also been leaving me alone a bit in the store. That freaks me out and I always tell him he is mean. He does it as a surprise! I think he doesn't like me fretting over it. It is scary to be alone because I can't always answer the questions the customers have because there are 5000 things to know about boots!

I am happy there are such nice bosses in the world. I am happy this is my first experience getting back into the work force.

Also... "sayings overheard from the boot store" from a customer... "If you are going to be dumb you better be tough!" Good one, huh!

I have a post I have been working on from girls camp...but until then...

This is one of the coolest, nicest, most down to earth peoples in the world. Her name is Aloni. At girl's camp she wore these boots with shorts practically the whole time. And I decided right then and there, when I lose all my weight I am going to buy a pair of funky boots. I just AM! I love Aloni's hair. It is like Justine's.

Kristopher says....

I have so very much to write and just not enough time!!!!

It will be a relief when the kids are back in school but it will also add pressure to my life. Bleck.

I have so much I want to say about girl's camp. It was such a vacation for me. The girls we went with were the cream of the crop. Allowing us leaders to play and relax and have fun together. The leaders quickly figured out my adoration of Super Hero and it became a laughing fun time of "Kristopher says" moments as I shared all my new knowledge with them. We all had some fun over that.

But seriously...I have to share with you what Kristopher said today. It touched my soul. He has been teaching me this before and he has been exhibiting this with me at each session. His wisdom and actions are just so pure and good.

We were working on the whole thing..."What I hear you saying is..." and how that concept is important during communication because it allows the other person to feel like they have been heard understood, and empathized with.

Today Kristopher told me that when you are doing that and listening to the other person and giving them empathy and love for what they are saying you are actually doing what we were put here on earth to do and that is to work in Jesus' stead. Emulating to them the Savior. Giving to them the compassion and love and understanding that the Savior would give to them if He were here. And you should do that with your spouse, do that with your children, and do that with others in general.

Kristopher has done that for me. And me and my blogger friends have discussed what a gift that has been to me. And how I will love him forever because of it. And if we can all walk around giving that gift of empathy and understanding, and non judgement and love like that Savior would be giving to us....WOW! WOW!!!

Isn't he so wise? I told you all so! Doesn't it seem like I am receiving an upgraded standard of therapy? I  believe so. It is such a relief to be able to discuss things that are at the core of my foundation. The Gospel of Christ. Happiness.

I bought new salt and pepper shakers today. They were fake cassettes. Stinking cute.