I painted my toes and dyed my hair. Ready for surgery. Almost. I need to clean the closet still.

Hi. 

Surgery eve tomorrow night. 

I'm not nervous. 

I mean I think ALL THE TIME about dying from it or becoming paralyzed or them nicking my bladder and me never being able to pee normal again...(Are they even near my bladder)? I wondered if since it is a six hour surgery if he has a snack and I just lay there on the table all out of it and if he does what if a crumb falls from his very hairy goatee and it lands in my stomach? 

But aside from that I don't feel scared. Honest. I am more scared to get back to my real life and gain weight. I am terrified of that. Terrified. Because I struggle so much to control my bad habits. But I know that NOTHING makes me feel worse than when I gain weight back. 

I love this quote. I feel like this. Although I keep messing up but it is how I feel. 

I was SO VERY happy when I saw my family Dr....(Did I tell you all this?) and he said that all my blood work was great! Including cholesterol and no insulin resistant. And the Dr. said I haven't gained 20 pounds like I thought (I told him DO NOT TELL ME HOW MUCH OR it will mentally mess me up) and that he was proud of me and that he was super glad when he found out I was having the surgery and that he thought I had done great. So that was really nice. 

I deep cleaned tons of parts of the house in preparation for the surgery also. Yay me. 

Okay, here is the letter I sent to Kassidy today...(I sent her like three different ones becasue I had to keep telling her more stuff...)

"Oh! One more funny thing. So the family made me go on a drive and a hike.  You know how I DON'T love that! But anyway we were on this rocky hill and Rhett was making fun because he was faster and better and I was a little nervous about falling etc. And he was worried about Bo (WHO IS AN EXCELLENT CLIMBER) and Rhett ran past us to get to the truck like a “Gazelle” and he ran faster than his feet was going and like dove flat on his stomach and was ONE INCH from landing in the only mud puddle around. He got his face just in the tip of the mud puddle and that was it. IT CRACKED us up and I peed my pants a little. hahahahah"

I sat in the back with the boys on the way home. Bo started tickling me and then Rhett started and then I couldn't control the situation and I started ugly laughing which was almost crying. I HATE TICKLING. SO MUCH.