I am getting soooooooo frustrated with my self. Everyday..same thing....I VOW with all my heart to not over eat and to get the (maybe 20 pounds) weight off that I gained back. And every day....almost.....food gets the best of me.
I don't know what will fix me. Prayer? Not eating sugar? Quitting pop? WHAT will make me stick with it???? I did it once for a long time and now I just feel like I can't. Kristopher's Positive Proclamations? What will fix me? I'm frustrated. I don't ever want to go back to where I was. The thought of that hurts too much. But I am struggling. Is it because of the Holidays? I feel like snacking? Is it because of stress from school? Stress from giving up therapy? Where has my power gone? I am so sad about it. I don't have the answers. I'm tired of breaking promises to myself.
I did just go to some Social Work training. It was really neat even though I missed a lot of it due to going home to be mom. But he talked about how we get upset with addicts when they relapse. But we don't recognize that when they are sober for four months it is absolutly amazing. Addicts have a brain disease the speaker said. But I don't now if that applies to food addicts as well or not. And I don't want to say that to myself because I don't want it to be an excuse at all for me because I think I like excuses. I don't know. I am sad sad sad. I wake up every day new and ready to try. And most days (as of late) I have failed. There is just too much good food and good snacking going on all around me. I don't know. I will try again tomorrow.
I haven't even hardly put up all the Christmas decorations. We put lights on the tree and that is it. No ornaments. And I am thinking at this point....I wont. :) Because I put some cheap dollar store bulbs on and little people and pets broke them. So...I don't wanna.
But I do love it that it seems like no matter what kids do this...
with the nativity sets. I have had more than one little kid do this. Where they circle the nativity all around baby Jesus. So sweet. Kate did this one. I left it.
Kassidy's last letter really astounded me. I will share her sweet testimony with you. I am so happy for the experience she is having. This has been a hard month for her. But she is hangin' in there.
The spirit was so strong that there is no denying in it. That is when I realized that, when we work the hardest that we can, and try our best to make things happen and not give up, that is when God gives us grace. He gave us grace that night and gave us grace yesterday. God is aware of all of us, and when we try hard and do the best we can, God will do the rest.....I know the power of God. I know that He is real and that He is very aware of us. We are written in the palms of his hand, how could He forget us. We are His literal children. I know that this church is true. I am changing. I'm becoming a better person. I'm coming closer to Heavenly Father and developing Christ like Attributes. I'm learning and seeing things that I never would have learned or seen if it weren't for being on a mission. I wouldn't have consistently reading my scriptures or praying had it not been for my mission. I would not have been repenting daily or counting God's grace had it not been for my mission. Had it not been for God's mission. Had it not been for this gospel. Had it not been for Jesus Christ.
Love her. Can't believe she has been gone 6 months!!! Insane.
The family might be going to see the new Hobbit. I told them I can't go. I vowed not to. For Kassidy. And I am sticking with it! Because I am that kind of momma!
So apparently this cute older man Kassidy is teaching made her this hammer. It is Thor's hammer. Bahahahaa. Love that she is still her!
And I love that she and her companion are doing the 12 days of Christmas for someone. So cute, the little things they came up with.
I love Kassidy's little drawings. She has always been a drawer.
Kate took a few cute pictures with my camera. My mom sewed this Christmas dress for her doll. She makes her orders with my mom and my mom always comes through.
Cats stuffed favorite cat with her real favorite cat.
Okay, back to sewing Kate some pillows and blankets for Christmas. I'll show you later.
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