My life is weird.

I have a bizarro problem. I had it once before. And now it's back.

I'm feeling better by the way. But after I tell you my bizarro problem you might have your doubts. Thanks for all the kind words of support. I truly appreciate them. Sometimes you just have a bad day. Or days. Or weeks.

Okay... here is my problem. The other day I felt like a pill was stuck in my throat. Only I hadn't taken a pill. Then the next day my throat was constricting and then relaxing. Then a few minutes later constricting and relaxing. ANNOYING.

So guess what it is caused by...

Stress and Anxiety.

Doesn't that just figure? So now I have to stress about being stressed and have anxiety that my throat is closing off. Nice.

:(

I'm struggling.

I'll admit it.

Everyone around me is losing weight. I try and try and then mess it up. Then try, then mess up. Then try, then mess  up. Then quit. It just doesn't seem to be in me. (SEE? There is that naughty self talk coming through!)

Everyone around me is going back to school. And they are excited about it. They have a plan. I have NO IDEA what to with myself as my kids get older. I know I want to fund raise for orphans and I would love to write. But that's all I've got, folks.  I don't know as though either of those is really going to happen, maybe I don't really even want to do those things. It sounds good in theory. I like to write and I care about orphans. But I don't know.

I promised to get myself a parrot about this time. Maybe I won't even like parrots anymore. And I have been waiting a long time for one. But maybe they will squawk to much and annoy me. Or like Corey better. Parrots often like men better. Is that true you think? I'll google it. Google says no.

Also everyone around me has a hugely successful blog. And I don't even know the correct usage of commas.

Everyone around me is smarter and funnier and nicer and littler.

Did you know... "Comparison is the thief of joy?" That came from the Internet somewhere.

Can you see why I am supposed to be brain washing myself with "I am worth it" statements?

I think I might be having a mini mid life crisis. I'm at that age, you know. Between ages 37 and 42 women are saying goodbye to their youthfulness and hello to....what I am going to call...the beginning of... THE GREAT DECLINE! Boo.

 I don't know what to do with myself exactly. I am super scared of being bored but also desperate for some down time. I am annoyingly easily annoyed lately but also grateful to be at this stage of life (I think).

This is the longest I have EVER gone without a baby. And I am a bit confused. Okay... a lot confused.

Do you guys ever feel this way?

Warning...My comma usage in this post is likely under used..... I just don't get it.

A few weeks ago a friend I admire and love tons mentioned something about "self talk". I was like "huh"? And she had me watch a u tube video on it. I don't why but I dismissed it as kind of weird.

I think maybe Heavenly Father wanted me to know something about it because shortly after watching the you tube video I talked with a man who recommended I do some "self talk". He didn't call it "self talk" and I didn't realize at the time that it was "self talk".

and then I read his book that involves telling yourself "peaceful" (my word), positive things which is "self talk". Whoooo knew?

Then...shortly after that... I attended a meeting that spoke about negative "self talk".

Is "self talk" a new concept in regards to....self? Or have I been slow on the uptake all these years....Do all of you already know about "self talk"? Is it a common term?

So.....from reading Kristopher's book and some of his suggested self talk....I realized I have been doing a little self talk for years!!!! I'm cool that way. Remember I loved Hugh Jackman before he was cool. And Glenn. Loved him before he became cool too.

Soo, it should be no surprise that I was self talking before it became cool. I have said (this is one of Kris's suggested "self talks") "It is was it is" to soothe my soul during difficult situations for eva!!!!

And I tell myself and my kids at least once a day....."I can't control everything!!!!" And I usually say that one a little loud, hence all the explanation points.

So that is self talk. And that "It is what is it is" mantra has brought mega gobs of peace. I feel like I invented that one! I can literally feel myself calm down after saying "I can't control everything" or "I am okay". So I guess I am a believer of "self talk". Should I quit using quotations now?

I do remember years and years ago Dr. Phil talked about how if you say something bad about yourself you have 8 seconds to "take it back" before your brain absorbs it.

That has stuck to me like GLUE. And I am telling you if I EVER hear my kids say one single negative thing about themselves (like "oh, I am so stupid") I about have a shock attack. And I freak out a bit about that. It just makes me cringeeeee!!!!!!!

So I guess that all really is self talk. But for some reason....I haven't let it apply to me lately.

My self talk has been sad and bad. And some more sad. Annnnd.....some more bad. And sad. Sad, bad, and mad.

NEVER would I tolerate my children's selves telling themselves the things myself has been telling itself. Did you follow that?

It makes me happy that I have found some help with my yucky self talk. I am still in the process of applying it but I thought I might share because it is great and powerful information.

Have any of you read Man's Search for Meaning Viktor E. Frankl? It is about a man who survived several concentration camps and still found meaning in life. It is about managing to find happiness even in sorrow and through whatever struggles life brings you. Because life is going to bring you struggle no matter what.

And if you can learn to find peace in whatever situation.... or learn to "increase your frustration level" as Kris has said then you will be able to be happy. That is the plan anyway.

So...here is the low down....Your brain has something in it called  Neuroplasticity. And it is way more complex than I care to try to accurately describe but somehow you can change the neuroplasticity in your brain. So if you are struggling or in despair about something (loss, trauma, heartache, low self esteem, not being able to achieve certain goals) then you "self talk" to yourself and you can change the neuroplasticity in your brain and change, or learn to cope, or learn to better, healthier, deal with frustrations, or loss, or all of the other struggles life throws at you.

So I mentioned Kristopher is the author of the "Navigating Your Mind" book. He's super nice and smart. And nice. And smart.

And he has given me the assignment of positive self talking to myself everyday to help me better cope with some of life's challenges. It is suppose to take three weeks of good self talk for your neuroplacites to change. (Unless I completely messed up understanding that chapter. But I think I got it okay)

Here's his website if you need a book. He doesn't look like that picture to me at all. I think the book is valuable. I really, really do. He didn't ask me to plug his book. I thought I should do it all on my own. Because maybe someone else out there could use his ideas.

I get to go away over night for tomorrow. SQUEAL!!!!!! That never happens. My friends and I are going to a concert. I am more excited about the drive down and back. HOURS of talking with girls????? Wahoo! In case you care, Kristopher says girls should go hang out with the girls....

wait for it....

wait for it.....

ONE TIME A WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can. you. even. imagine? I am all over that, baby!

Mistakes are good.....*shudder*

I admit I don't know what this is about. All the girls taking pictures of themselves. It is weird. And I often find photo sessions on my camera with sometimes up to twenty pictures of crazy poses just like these. Silly.

Kassidy had a little altercation with Face Book and her privileges have been suspended. So....what do you do when you can't get on your own FB? Hack into your mothers. It started out gentle and sweet....

Don't leave your facebook up dear mother, or youll get posts like this! Thanks for being amazing and the best mom! Thanks for putting up with a crazy teen! Your beutiful inside and out and you have great advice (even though i dont listen or argue) sometimes you are right. Sometimes you dont know that your wrong. :P Thats okay cuz we all make mistakes. Your one of the most talented women i have eve...r known, you keep doing it! And dont let the loss of your book cause you stress or bring you down. Everything has a purpose! You make awesome cakes, and crafts and i appreciate your hard willing to try to control the 5 crazy children under the age of 16. :) I hope youll miss me when im gone next year, if not....... i take this all back. :P jk I love you very much! ♥ Kassidy :]

And ended up with a post about me singing some crazy song in the shower. It's too embarrassing to post. Also I now speak Czechoslovakian  and I think Italian.

None the less, I am very proud of Kassidy.

I have learned so much from her.

I am a mom and a person who FIRMLY believes... don't make mistakes...learn from others. It is way easier.

It was brought to my realization that mistakes aren't bad. (I cringe even as I write that) Mistakes are how you learn. (I am still cringing. Why make the mistakes when you can learn from others????) 

Kassidy has told me more than once "I want to learn from my own mistakes!!!"

And of course I lecture "Why make mistakes....." Say it  with me people, you know the rest.

And sure enough Kassidy has made some mistakes. Pretty harmless ones honestly. (Don't tell her I said that)

And she has learned LEAPS and BOUNDS from them.

Far more than I could have taught her by telling her to avoid those mistakes.

Recently at her early morning seminary class (like bible study) she was able to teach others what she had learned. From her own personal experiences. What self esteem she must have gained from learning those lessons on her own.

See? Sometimes I am wrong! Only sometimes though.

I love her. Isn't she terribly photogenic?

Quiet book page!

I am really good at copying other people's ideas. I hope that's okay. I always tell my kids it is a compliment. I saw this cute page here and had to make one.

Confession....my mom made all the flowers. I don't know how to do button holes. And while she was at it I had her zig zag the edges. I know I should learn. Someday.

The Temple is VERY important to Mormons because...

Latter-day Saint temples are considered houses of God, a place of holiness and peace separate from the preoccupations of the world. They provide a place where Church members make formal promises and commitments to God. They are also the place where the highest sacraments of the faith occur — the marriage of couples and the “sealing” of families for eternity.

Temples serve as the only place where ceremonies such as baptisms and eternal marriage can be performed in behalf of those who have died —a practice that Latter-day Saints believe was followed in New Testament times but that later was lost.

Temples point Latter-day Saints to Jesus Christ and their eventual life with Him, their Heavenly Father and their family members on the condition of faithfulness to Christ’s teachings.

(phew. I didn't think of all that myself just so you know. It came from here)

My little sugar plum

Kate LOVES to help me make my bed. Everyday she asks to help me. Little sweetie.

The other day she did it all. by. herself!

 

Dang good, don't you think?!!!!

Today I was clipping her nails. Grandma Chamberlain was coming to babysit. Sometimes she brings her kindle fire so Kate can play games. Kate wanted me to clip her nails so she could play the kindle and not have her "creepy claws". That busted me up!

Love her. She frustrates me with her NONE STOP TALKING and question asking....

What's the neighbor name?
What's her mom's name?
Do you like dogs?
Do you like goats?
Do you like pigs?
What is your favorite color?
Can you whistle?

On. and. on. and on.

She told my mom she wants her to be her mom because I won't let her talk. Sad. :( But my brain is officially fried.

But I love her tons....have I mentioned Melatonin is my new BFF? This kid would NEVER go to bed at night. No naps and up until 11 every night. And she was still three! But now I give her the smallest dose and she is out and I am able to keep a smidgen of sanity. Phew.

Sometimes.....

Sometimes I get caught up in worrying about writing what people might  like to read on my  blog.

I don't want people reading my blog and being bored or think I am a lamo.

But I have to keep in perspective as to why I started this blog. So my children would know me. And really deeply.... know me. If I died some of my babies would barely recall me. That is unbearable.

So I write for them and I share with you. And I hope you don't judge harshly. And just take me as I am. I am going to continue to write things whether they be popular or not. Because they are for the purpose of teaching my children what I value and what I think is important. And so they will know me.

So....sorry if any of you think hearing about orphans is boring.Or that I am addressing that subject too much. But I might be writing about that a bit. Because frankly I am a little scared that our concern for orphans is not greater. And I read a great blog post tonight from a blog I really love.

This girl and her husband were living the fast life to bigger and better when..... they stopped. And saved children. And I love that. I mean really love it.

And today her blog post just really made sense and is something I have been thinking about lately.

For the purpose of when I get my blog printed into a book I want some of this written down, so that is why I have attached her post onto my post. But please visit her blog HERE. Her name is Shelley. She inspires me so.
She and her family were taking a vacation. But they were all really sick and they were praying to get better so they could enjoy their trip.

"Here’s the truth that’s burdening me: I spent the last week fervently praying for and encouraging my children to pray for… a vacation. And frankly, that’s pretty lame.

Yes, we’re called to bring our prayers and petitions before the Lord. It’s true that He numbers even the hairs on our heads and cares deeply about the details in our lives. And a family vacation seems innocent and wholesome enough for a prayer topic.

But let’s get some perspective.

I know many mommas who live in the third world. And in third world countries, women don’t pray for their children to get well so they can go on vacation. Those women pray for their children to get well so they can live.

The rich pray for things like vacations, parking spots, faster internet access and enough money to make private school tuition. While the poor pray for things like food, water and basic life necessities.

On Tuesday (whilst on my much-prayed-for vacation) I read this quote from Jen Hatmaker: “The poor world is begging for mercy like Bartimaus, while the rich world is asking for more favor like James and John.”
And then it hit me right between the eyes. That’s me. That’s what I’m doing. I’m constantly asking God for more favor, more blessing, more good stuff in my already way over-blessed life. With every breath of most of my prayers on most days, I’m begging the Lord for ease. For comfort. For fun. For a complete lack of suffering in any capacity."

What do you all think about that?
Isn't that a different perspective than I think we are use to thinking about?

I loved it.

Here is a VERY interesting and EYE opening and HEART breaking read.... I am only a few chapters in and really recommend it.

It's Not Okay With Me

And don't forget to support my friends if you are willing. Buy their son's beautiful song. It is worth every penny. All the money goes to the adoptions of two little girls.

"Morning"

Happy Easter....

All I have thought about all day is about how my knowledge and love for Christ is no where as deep as it should be. It is really something I need to commit more time to.

I have had this quote hanging on my wall for about 4 years now.

"We must know Christ better than we know Him; we must remember Him more often than we remember Him: we must serve Him more valiantly than we serve Him." Howard W Hunter

I need to do better.

I had a conversation with a person recently whom I have grown to have deep respect and even love for. He said something to the effect of how we attend church and proclaim of Christ but then we treat our neighbors like crud.

I have thought and thought about that. Do we do that? All of us, whatever religion or race we are, do we do that?

Am I treating anyone like crud? (Only honestly, he used a different word) Am I proclaiming of Christ but not doing EVERYTHING I can to represent His name? Am I claiming to be His follower but closing my eyes to suffering because it is painful or inconvenient or... not my problem? Am I?

Probably. Actually, yes.

I pray to do better. Pray Pray Pray. I pray for greater understanding and greater love and greater awareness and greater selflessness. And greater desire.

Today, as a family, we watched a video of Christ and made these cute little tombs. I'm sorry..... but AREN'T THEY ADORABLE!!!!!!!!???????!!!!!!!! See? Pinterest is a healthy obsession!

Bo's "stone" broke so he was lucky enough to get a new one. One to eat and one to put on the project. Lucky boy.

And don't forget these darlin's... (thanks for the idea, Sherri) Corey's not great with change. He didn't approve of the crunch of the carrot nose in his deviled egg. :)

Love you, my friends.

Oh you know this made my heart swell...

I told you in a past post about Corey's special pet name for Justine....Bigfoot. And how she pretty much enjoys the teasing from him in that regard.

The three of us were wandering around Walmart one day. Which NEVER happens! So imagine my complete joy when we spotted this card board advertising gimmick for jerky.

Be still my soul.

I was so thankful we were able to CONVINCE (threaten, bribe, force, coheres) our very shy daughter to stand by it for a photo op.

LOVE IT!!!!

Notice the creepiness and hilariousness of Corey's posed perfectly in the back ground. Ha ha. That's how we bond around here!

That big foot has the creepiest teeth ever. It's classic!

Don't forget to help save orphans and uplift yourself in the meantime by donating money to get a copy of our friend's song. He's only a teenager! You have to listen to their sneak preview!!!!!! Please, please, please.

Love me some G.C.

I must admit I have been slightly disappointed that my blog friends didn't just tear up the rug and donate like crazy for my adopting friends. So if you haven't and you feel like you should now is a great time! For donating you get access to the song composed by GUNNAR! And guys....I promise. IT IS WORTH IT! I received a private concert. It was breath taking. I had to hug him after wards. And try to tell him he needed to marry one of my daughters. Go HERE and read a note from his dad and see where you can buy the song. Come on! It's to bring the girls home! And what a special, unselfish boy!

Here are a few favorite quotes from General Conference (A large broad casted church meeting where us "Mormons" get to hear council from our leaders)...

This is the guy in our church that makes the ladies swoon. LOL! I feel so guilty even writing that. But lets face it! He's a silver fox! His name is Dieter Friedrich Uchtdorf. He  is a German former aviator.

So Justine says to me.... "Isn't he a pilot?"

And Rhett says...."He's a pirate?"

Of course I can't resist that..."Yes, He's a pirate"

Rhett stares at me....

Me..."He has a wood leg and a parrot. A boat."

Rhett..."He does?"

Bahaaaaa!!!!!

So my all time favorite conference quote is "He's a pirate?"

But here were some other REALLY great ones. And because I am a horrible note taker I have no idea who said them and if I even got the quote perfectly right. So don't quote me.....

When it comes to causing harm and hating, judging other....please apply the following. STOP IT.

Be kind and be grateful that God is kind.

If someone was drowning would you say can I help or would you just jump in and help?

Saying "let me know if I can help" is really no help at all.

It is not possible to sink lower then the infinite light of the Atonement's shine.

I need to re listen to all of it! It is hard to listen with 6 kids!

In between sessions (there is four 2 hour sessions on Saturday and Sunday) we zipped over to Corey's moms for her famous homemade waffles.

Here were two favorite quotes from Grandpa Dale that I also loved!

When Kate dropped her waffle on the ground Grandpa Dale said.. "That's okay, A little cat hair is good for you once in a while." Cracked me up.

Then  after all six of our kids had eaten in a mad scramble of homemade waffle goodness they all left to go play. Dale comments on how quiet it had become. He said "They are like magpies around a dead carcass." because of all the eating noises. Lol.

Yay for projects...

I love having projects to work on. I like hand stitching. It is peaceful.

I finished a quiet book page. I think I have been working on it for a month. I don't have much time for it but love it at night when everyone is asleep and I can just create. (Even if I am borrowing most my ideas from this QUIET BOOK GENIUS!)

So....here is the pirate page!

(I really want a new camera!!!!)

What do you think? To die for?