mish mash of blogging

I'm in love with the camping hammock. This picture is from the summer but I was so busy and didn't get any blogging done. But I love the hammock. This was the most beautiful day. I get stuck in it and can't get out. Like literally. The hammock holds me hostage. 

This is the right way that we do the hammock. You hold on to a rop tied to a tree and then you can rock and rock yourself by pulling the rope. It's major awesomeness. 

A few months ago I got this huge Mall Cop poster. We love this guy! The kids took it camping and used it for target practice!

I almost had a panicky episode last night and this morning, and for the first time, I thought I needed to quit school, that I COULD. NOT do this. This research thesis paper is soooo hard. I don't know what I am doing. At BYU-I when I didn't know what I was doing I had all of these buddies to help me. Here, all of my buddies have full-time jobs and lives, and I am feeling on my own to figure it out. Time goes by too fast and assignments start getting due quickly. Most of the school hasn't been hard at all. But this class wants to hurt me. I have a gentle kind teacher, but I struggle because I am not so academic and I struggle with memory and sometimes critical thinking. One of my past professors was horrified when I said that, and he said I was great at critical thinking, but I don't feel great. *update* I got the horribly hard assignment done. And my cute buddy who helped me live through statistics is graduated but she said she would help me proof my assignments and  help me. So I feel less panicky. 

I got stitches on my ankle. The dermatologist wanted to cut a little bump off. I was glad. I wanted it off. But now I have this big slit. I also had him burn off this little freckle under my eye. I am not going down gracefully. I am fighting it the whole time! Why do I have such a wrinkly ankle? 

Also....it is so disheartening how being "fat" makes me feel like nothing inside. I keep trying to tell myself that I am not my body. That there are people all over the world who aren't thrilled with their physical appearance and they are not their bodies, and it is what is on the inside that matters, but I am struggling not to feel worthless. It is so painful to have lost weight and then gained weight. I haven't mentioned this a ton because I have messed up so many times, but I haven't been eating desserts. It is going on two months now about. I like it because I am not in bondage to desserts anymore. If someone offers me some, I can easily say no and not think about it ANYMORE. In the past, I would have some and then think about it NONSTOP. I feel free now from it. I need and want to go further. I still eat a lot of things that have sugar. And I still drink diet pop. So I still have work to do. But I have lost about three pounds. That is nothing for two months, but I am going the right direction. I just have to keep going forward. Not eating sweets gives me the power to not binge.

Corey went on his long hunting trip. As in nine days. But he got an elk and had some very pain free lupus days. I LOVE this picture he took. He has some great boots (Kenetrek) from my work on.