I'm struggling.
I'll admit it.
Everyone around me is losing weight. I try and try and then mess it up. Then try, then mess up. Then try, then mess up. Then quit. It just doesn't seem to be in me. (SEE? There is that naughty self talk coming through!)
Everyone around me is going back to school. And they are excited about it. They have a plan. I have NO IDEA what to with myself as my kids get older. I know I want to fund raise for orphans and I would love to write. But that's all I've got, folks. I don't know as though either of those is really going to happen, maybe I don't really even want to do those things. It sounds good in theory. I like to write and I care about orphans. But I don't know.
I promised to get myself a parrot about this time. Maybe I won't even like parrots anymore. And I have been waiting a long time for one. But maybe they will squawk to much and annoy me. Or like Corey better. Parrots often like men better. Is that true you think? I'll google it. Google says no.
Also everyone around me has a hugely successful blog. And I don't even know the correct usage of commas.
Everyone around me is smarter and funnier and nicer and littler.
Did you know... "Comparison is the thief of joy?" That came from the Internet somewhere.
Can you see why I am supposed to be brain washing myself with "I am worth it" statements?
I think I might be having a mini mid life crisis. I'm at that age, you know. Between ages 37 and 42 women are saying goodbye to their youthfulness and hello to....what I am going to call...the beginning of... THE GREAT DECLINE! Boo.
I don't know what to do with myself exactly. I am super scared of being bored but also desperate for some down time. I am annoyingly easily annoyed lately but also grateful to be at this stage of life (I think).
This is the longest I have EVER gone without a baby. And I am a bit confused. Okay... a lot confused.
Do you guys ever feel this way?
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6 comments:
Susan you are awesome you make me laugh. You need to be easier on yourself. Look at all you do and look at the amazing kids you are raising. I don't think any of us have it figured out, I know I don't. :)
No one has it figured out. If it looks like they do, they are faking it :)(Is that were the comma goes?) Life is really, really short and way to short to compare yourself to what you think others have or are doing. You are only seeing what they put out there, they have their insecurities just like all of us. I love your blog and your realness and humor. You would be surprised how many people admire you and wish they could handle a house of 7 or so like you do. At least you have a blog. I have been trying for at least a year to start one.
A statement in a church lesson has long stayed with me: "We should be as gentle with ourselves as we would be with a baby learning to walk." It's ironic because do I follow this? Of course not! I am so hard on myself. Which I think is why I'm hurting for you today because I've been in that place. I visit it often. Why? Why?!
But back to the idea of a baby walking -- wouldn't it be great if we could celebrate all our baby steps without comparing? Just like a parent waiting a few steps away with arms outstretched, I know our Heavenly Father is cheering us on even if we can't see it. At least, I know this on the good days. I have to dig deep to remember it on the bad days.
Susan, I think you are sparklingly wonderful. And if sparklingly isn't a word, it should be. :) Because that's the way you do everything. Thank you for your constant example.
Golly I thought I was the only one that felt like this, and hear other responses makes me feel like I'm not. If anyone ever figures out the weight thing it would be so awesome. Meanwhile we go about doing the best we can. And you our such a wonderful young women.I love your blog and all the things you say, always hits home.
Oh, Susan! You are one of the most incredible people I know! Can I tell you that you will end up doing EXACTLY what you are meant to do! In the mean time, you will continue being one of the best mothers/friends/daughters I know. You are super creative and fun, great at blogging, and you learn every day! I am not a blogger (or journal-er), I am not ever planning on going back to school, I am not half as creative as you, and not even 1/4 as patient or loving towards my children. Yet, I am comfortable with me because that is who I am. I love you for who YOU are! Chin up girlie! You are loved! :)
Tiffany said...I know that it wasn't suppose to be funny but your blog was too cute and made me smile, a lot. (Not sure if I was to put a comma there.)
Linda H. said...Be at peace, my friend. I could address your concerns line by line, and will if you like,(haha!) but I mostly want to say it's okay to not know all the answers today. You just need today's answers for today. And someone else's answers aren't your answers and neither are yours, theirs. Your friends love you for who you are and where you are right this very minute. And if we were your reading your blog for lessons on commas, we would have stopped long ago. KIDDING!!! :) I just couldn't resist!!! We read your blog because it's so full of your soul. And there never was a dearer soul on the planet! Love ya and hugs!
Susan said...ha ha. I really did just laugh out loud about the comma thing.
Michelle said...Here's the thing my lovely~ all of those people who are losing weight and know where to put their commas etc etc and so on feel EXACTLY the same way you do! We're all in the same boat but everybody thinks that everyone ELSE is rowing it better/faster/more wonderfully than they are and it is the hugest LIE! That is what satan wants us to see, but it is not truth. The truth is, life is life, we're all struggling, we all want to do better, be better, look better and feel better and we ALL judge our failures against everyone else's successes. And we all fear the unknown and aging. This is why your blog is loved. Because we all feel it too and it's nice to not be in the boat alone ♥ Love, you, Susan, ! (for what it's worth, I didn't notice a single comma violation ;) )
Susan said...lol! I love the comma comments. THat makes me laugh
Michelle said...I'm glad :) And, when, you're, done, laughing, reflect on how loved you are just as you are and how so many of us look at YOU in awe and wish we could be that genuine and vulnerable and funny ♥ , , ,
Susan said...okay. I will.
Michelle said...:)
Tiffany said...Well said Michelle!!!
Viki said...Ditto to linda and michelle. I could havw copied and pasted your whole post onto my blog. I have the same insecurities and concerns. Ok, except maybe for the parrot part! :)
Susan said...ha ha! You guys are so funny tonight. Viki! You like birds!
Viki said...Just pretty sing-songy ones like canaries, not ones that can actually repeat me. Can u imagne? Greg comes home and it's like, "squack. Squack. #!$%"
Susansaid...ha ha!!! So not true.
Susan said...I feel better. I love my friends.
Megan said...Susan - you're blog post made me so sad. You are truly one of the most amazing women I know. I love reading your blog because you're so honest - it makes me feel connected to you even though we haven't seen each other in like 3 years! The grass is always greener ... I find myself comparing myself to other people all the time. It's not a nice place to be. You are an exceptional mother and wife. I truly feel like you are one of Heavenly Father's favorites and I wish I could be more like YOU! (but I'm with Viki - minus the parrot!)
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