Life!

A few months ago Rhett wanted to crawl up into my dad's attic. I have never done it before because I felt too heavy before and I am scared of heights. But I decided to go up now and see what is so cool about it up there that the kids always want to check it out. 

(the ladder going down)

Rhett and I in the attic. Super fascinating! Not.

I have a friend who never knew me fatter and sometimes I send her pictures of the heavy me because it shocks her so much and it is funny. But it is also so weird for me to see them. I NEVER felt like myself. Every minute was consumed with how fat I was. I never even felt like a woman. I was so so happy mothering. So it wasn't an unhappy time for me in MANY regards. But now that I am thinner (I know I still have weight to lose) I feel a lot more at peace. One of the nicest things is being able to sit in a seat at the movies or a play and not have to worry about being able to fit in the seat. Or a restaurant and not being able to sit in the booth.

I have so much physical freedom now. It is such a gift. It was a gift that the correct things in my life aligned that gave me the power and the knowledge and the mental ability to fight this weight.

I still fight it EVERY SINGLE DAY. I have been stagnantish for close to a year. But I am still holding my own and working every day to not gain it back.

One thing Kristopher told me, and Dr. Phil actually said it as well is that you pretty much HAVE to replace the old addiction or bad habit with new ones. Kristopher told me once to get out of the crack house. Which basically meant to get out of the house and live life. Some things I just have to replace though. Like I found this super low calories salt and vinegar "chips". They are good and like potato chips and I snack on those at night. York patties are almost half the calories of other candy bars so I have those. When something is tempting me during the day I just remember that I can have a York later and I can hold out. SO that works often. But then their are days I blow it, and have to spend two days undoing the damage I did. It is crazy and I don't really know a better way. I know I need to be exercising but I just don't.

Super big sigh. But I try to be thankful for the progress I have made. Here are some of the pictures I sent to my friend that remind me of where I have been.

LOOK AT MY DARLING RHETT!!!!! Isn't he so so super cute?!

Kate made me this necklace for work. I had to wear it until she left but I almost forgot to take it off! She loves to come to my work and dust the shoes.

Work is going well. I totally adore my boss as a boss. I really like him as a person too. lol. But he is the best boss their ever could be. Very generous and kind and willing to work with anything anyone suggests. He left for a family vacation and if we met a sales goal he gave us all gift cards to a restaurant. So we did and he did and it was really nice of him. I spent my work day Saturday sweeping and vacuuming almost every section of the back room. I loved it! It was so awesomely clean when I was done. My regular customer who calls me babe was there. He's like this motorcycle dude. 

In the fall I am increasing my school schedule. It scares me because it will be so so busy. But if I increase it then I get a little more financial aid and can work less. So I am hoping it all balances out and I can handle it.

I am so excited for my schedule. I am taking a class on gerontology. I don't know why but it worked in my schedule and was an option of one I needed and it sounded interesting. It covers the psychology of elderly people and the changes and things they have to adjust to. I am taking a class that was one of my required options on Christianity and how the apostasy happened. Sounds totally fascinating. I am taking a required class that I can't remember the name of, an online math class (SCARY) and because I needed two more credits to reach 12 I took GUITAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!!! I have all this GUILT because I should only take everything essential. But then I think why? Why can't I take one little class that is for fun and personal growth. And ever since I signed up I have felt like I was on an adventure and am very excited. I think it will really really be hard. I have to practice 45 minutes a day. And I know NOTHING about it. But I am doing it! And it makes me feel good.

We still have Brody. He is a BAD boy. And he is a sweetheart. I really really really like this dog. So smart and sweet and loving. I swear he gives hugs. BUT....he has TWICE tried to nip/bite people at our front door. He suddenly gets very aggressive. I think he is terrified and protecting us. He is a big scardy cat.

I have seriously decided to get rid of him. But it will break the whole families heart. So then I change my mind. I have a friend who had a dog who behaved just like this and they just got use to the fact that if anyone came over he had to get put in a room. So that is our plan. But I worry a lot about it. But at this point I would have to put him to sleep. I couldn't find him a new home. He is a farm type dog but we have him all attached to us and he is in the house every night. SO I can't just turn him lose to a rancher. And if he  bit someone there they might beat him. I don't know. 

He is fun because he is dang smart. He knows tricks and he obeys (you know, minus the trying to nip). He stays outside or inside without rushing past us. We taught him this trick, you put tape on his nose and he tries to get it off with his paws. So the trick is you say "I'm so ashamed" and then he does the trick which we taught him with the tape which is to cover his nose and eyes and then he looks all ashamed. It's cute.

Missing this girl some days! Not anything desperately or depressing. I'm am beyond thrilled for her chance of learning right now. But like three times today I thought about how I needed to wake her up for church or get her to do an errand for me or something. And then I was like oh! She is gone!

The other day Kate called me on cell phone. She calls me mostly a LOT. but this was my message. It was so stinking cute. It was all in a whisper because when she had called five minutes before I was whimpering because I was in class....

"Hi. I love you. Forever. Everyday. Everyday. I love you. (whispers getting louder as she smooshes or face into phone) Everyyyyy dayyyyyy. Evverryyyy niiiighhhttt. I love you. Bye."

Um....it was PRECIOUS.