It's hard to be the mother of a super star.

Ugh! Broken heart today.

I don't know why I have to get so devastated by stuff.

Today Corey and I drove Rhett to his 11 o'clock basketball game which really started at 10.

So.... we. missed. the. whole. thing.

And we played a hard team, (well, not us, because we were late and missed it) and we (well again, not us) were creamed.

And all of Rhett's team saw him arrive and were so disappointed saying to him things like, "Where were you? We needed you". And they were sad. The coach's son was so cute though, telling me that they only lost by 16 points and that they were able to keep the other team from getting 30 points when they usually got more than that.

And Rhett was trying to act like no big deal but I could see him take a drink of his bottle and he was trying hard not to cry. And I could tell his sweetest coach known to all mankind was disappointed and frustrated too.

And so on the drive home I cried the whole way. And I cried the whole time Rhett and Corey and Justine when in a fast food place for a corn dog. I sat in the car and cried. And wrote this blog on a piece of McDonald's bag that was trash in my car. Because that is my release. Writing. Sort of. Because I could still cry now over it.

I cried because I hated so much disappointing my boy. And missing his game and watching him play because he is a joy to watch. Because he is pretty good, as in.... (can I say this humbly?).....he is the lead player. And that is why his team was sad he was gone. All because I wrote it down wrong on my stupid calendar.

After crying and driving, and driving and crying, which is totally humiliating in front of the whole fam, Rhett finally said, sweetly and perplexed over the girly emotions, "it's only a game..." and for the rest of the day he could have cared less and I could have started crying about it at any point throughout the day.

I even called one of my friends who is a parent to ask her to tell me I was okay. (I am words of affirmation, you know) and she was napping so I even cried a minute over the phone to her sweet husband who was also there, and he had to tell me I was a good mom and that it was okay. Basically because I told him I needed someone to tell me I was okay. And he did. And although he probably thinks I am mental now I felt loads better. And what a nice guy. He said he would contact Rhett in twenty years and make sure he knew how much I cared.

I just take things like that so seriously. I wish I didn't. but I do. Like thirteen years ago I still remember and feel sick over forgetting to send Kassidy to preschool in pajamas on pajama day when I had just had a new baby. I was so crushed that I did that. I cried then too. And like the time I bit Bo trying to teach him to quit biting his little vampire fangs into Kate, only I bit too hard, and then felt terrible and cried ALL day over that. Or the time I forgot to sign up Justine to show her rabbit at the fair and we went there and she wasn't able to show and it was all my fault. I went to plead with the people in charge but it was in vain and I cried my head off walking through the fair. Sometimes it just hurts to be the mom.

I mean the One Thousand and One appointments and scheduling I DO get right and I should recognize that I am doing pretty good but instead I just have a broken heart over the one I screwed up on. Cause I just remember the sad face when we realized we had missed the whole game. And it was mine!

:( It was very sad, but I take comfort that Rhett doesn't even care anymore. So why do I still?