More Holiness Give Me: Kate is moving on up! And spell check was broken.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Kate is moving on up! And spell check was broken.

Like most mothers, I am not very good at declaring what I need.

I had dreamy glorious visions o f doing home preschool with Kate. My last little kidlet, a sweet little girl. We could do a craft a day and I would be her teacher. Doesn't it sound lovely? But my mental state just could not honestly take it.

So I decided to do "joy" school with some friends. Where we all take turns with each other's kids. But my mental state just honestly couldn't take it.

So in a tearful, crying behind my hands, freaking out, "attack" I demanded from Corey, preschool. He would rather see the money go elsewhere and so would I. But I told him it has to be. It just does.

So he signed her up. She is beyond thrilled. The thought of going to school with a real live backpack, after witnessing all her siblings go off to school, just means such an adventure for her. She is thrilled.

I wish I was the cute little mom who could home preschool my last lovey dovey little girl. But I just for reals can't do it. I am f.r.i.e.d. As in F.R.I.E.D. Corey, in typical caveman fashion, asked what I would do during that time. I said....Fold laundry...in quiet. Do dishes...in quiet. Clean house...in quiet. Blog...in quiet.

I just need some quiet.

It felt sort of good. To do something big for myself like that.

My life is drastically changing. Chapters of raising babies and toddlers are completely gone. It is heartbreaking and joyous. It is so weird to be moving on after so long. It was such a happy fulfilling time of life. I am so glad to see who my children are becoming. Which I have realized I have absolutely zero control over. That just makes it all the more fun!

Kris says to face my fears. Why? Why do I have to do that? If I face them and it works out then I can see the point. But if I face them and fail....why do I have to face them. :( I'll explain more in another post what all that jibberish means.

I have been in bed sick all day. It has been sort of fun. Watching movies on hulu and having Corey stay home from work to care for our other sickies. Don't tell him.

1 comment:

Susan said...: Mary said...you will never fail, because you love and care so much...there is no failure in that:)I am happy for you and Kate.

Michelle said...remember: making mistakes and learning and growing from them is always preferable and more productive than doing nothing at all ♥ Fear and discouragement are satan's tools to keep us from everything empowering and good and enlightening; so yes, face those fears~ look them square in the eye and tell them who's boss! It is liberating beyond belief! I've done it. I still have many yet to face. But there is always something better on the other side of the fear; it almost seems like the ugliness of the fear is directly proportional to the beauty on the other side! Failure is giving up~ it's doing nothing. You are a fierce warrior woman! And you can do ANYTHING ♥ I hope you feel better quickly~ I wanted to come take care of you a little, but we're leaving tomorrow morning. Kate is going to LOVE preschool! You are wonderful for knowing what is best for you AND for her~ you're not doing either of you any favors trying to fit into a mold that doesn't serve you ♥ I love the image of you just enjoying some peace and quiet! It will give you room to breathe and grow! Love you friend~ be kind to yourself always ♥

Nancy said...Ditto what Mary said! Life is changing for you and it will be great! Love you. Feel better soon!

Mary said...How are you today, better I hope!

Susan said...Yep! I think I am on the mend.; September 9, 2012 at 9:01 PM

I know it is long but it is life altering!

C.S. Lewis- Meanwhile the cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is a Monday morning...It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you can talk to may one day be a creature which, if you say it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and a corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. But it is immortals who we joke with, work with, marry, snub and exploit - immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of the kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have from the outset, taken each other seriously - no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption, and our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner - no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses."

"Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are course; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fotune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity." Margaret D. Naduald

" Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. -Nelson Mandela-

More Holiness Give Me

Monday, June 11, 2012

Kate is moving on up! And spell check was broken.

1 comment:

Hello, my old friend.

Where are you visiting from?