Weight. I cannot come up with a clever title today. I didn't get enough sleep last night.

I know my faithful readers have been seeing me on a bit of a roller coaster lately with some very sad moods. And you have been seeing me try to work through some of those issues. And you have seen that I have been going to my beloved therapist Kristopher, for extra insight and support. And I certainly am BLESSED with the best people around to love me. (Even when I receive hate mail...yes, it's true).

But, I think it is okay to have sad times. I think it is okay to seek help. I think it is okay to take a whole summer to sleep in and relax and to not compare or put too much pressure on myself. But I am also happy that I have light and direction as to dealing with sad times. Light and direction from Heavenly Father, light and direction from loved ones, and light and direction from a professional.

Quite a bit of my sadness comes from not being able to control my eating. Turning to food for comfort which just causes you more sadness in the end when you are not the person you were created to be.

I was totally annoyed motivated by my weight buddy who suddenly kicked it in gear and lost 15 pounds. And it kicked me in gear.

I haven't mentioned this sooner because, let's face it... people who are trying to lose weight are annoying. Also...what if I fail? In front of all of you?

But...I have been trying to change my lifestyle....again. Not just a quickie lose weight plan but really trying to change my bad habits. And it is HARD. But it also has been doable. And it has been getting easier by the day. And thank Heavens for gum. And it is a gift that the cravings die down quite a bit.

Several of the reasons I am having success this time instead of the failure I have had MULTIPLE times is that I learned to change my thinking about it. My friend Kirsten helped me do that pertaining to weight and also Kristopher is ALL about changing your thinking. ALL ABOUT IT. I really like it and I really believe it and Kris always spends time in therapy training me in regards to my thinking.

Anyways, I like to count calories. I like the mathematics and the organizationness of it.

So, in the past I would set a calories "stick to" goal and if I went over even 30 calories I would feel like I had failed miserably. Not even realizing I was still in calorie deficit by a TON. Sad, huh?

Then I tried a new tactic taught to my by my friend. If you times you weight by 11 you get the number of how many calories you would eat to neither gain nor lose. So as long as I was coming in under that number I consider it a successful day and I would cheer for myself. Even if it was a small loss. I would write "Yay" on my paper and give myself a star. Changing my "self talk" has kept me sticking with it and I have now been doing it for over 45 days.

 Some days have been better than others and some days stunk. But I still have been able to stick with it and be much more positive about it. My "muscle" for self discipline has been growing and I am becoming pretty strong.
I have a friend who lost 100 pounds. 100! And she has become a crazy, lean machine. She told me...."You are working towards a goal"! And "You have to just decide what you want". Those two things have really stuck with me and I just focus on my goal when I want to cheat. Now, I say to myself if I feel deprived..."No, it's okay, you are working towards a goal" and it changes everything for me,

I also don't believe the scale ANYMORE. The scale is a BIG FAT UGLY LIAR and it discourages me like crazy. So now I just figure out how much I have lost mathematically and "the proof is in the pudding"! (or carrot sticks!)

That's all. Bye.