Catching up.

There are a few family traditions that I have been so grateful for. Making each kid there very own scrapbook for the first year of life and every year there after? Not so much.

Last day of school party with pizza and homemade awards? YES WAY! This year we did home made pizza. The kids like doing that.

The daddy passes out the kids awards and we cheer for them. The kids love it. I do it because I hate when they have award ceremonies at school and my kids don't get any. So we just started doing our own and it has been a great thing.

(something is not right about my picture wall btw. What is it?)

And lest you think I am super mom... here is what the kitchen looked like after our party! And I probably went to bed and left it like that! Just keeping life with six kids real here.

I have been contemplating things like crazy today. I hate to be vague but I have been learning some things in therapy that have got me thinking like crazy. It's confusing and enlightening all at the same time. With therapy you really just don't want to take what they (even if they (he) might be the most insightful person on planet earth) say as gospel truth. You have to make sure it is true for you. And that can be a struggle. To know how to apply the things you are learning and if you should apply it. I go to therapy and then I think for the whole next week about our discussions and then I sort out what is true and what works for me and what is not applicable to me. Therapist are just people too. But I sure am appreciating mine.

Am I too open about this? Some of you may think I should keep this private? I don't care. I am just not a private person. As I have said before I am not ashamed to need some support and it is a privileged to be able to go.

Anyways, two girls with strep throat at our house again today. Bleck.

(This is nurse Kathy. She has been our nurse for 17.5 years now. She is great) Still haven't done anything about Kate's crazy hair. I am seriously considering a long buzz cut.

One messy house. Bleck. TONS of laundry (Only sort of bleck. (I like laundry) 

I started a gratitude journal. It has been really exciting me. I will show it to you tomorrow.

Here is the worlds smallest and cutest french fry package. I mean come on??? It's darling. Apparently they have shrunken the french fry size and added apples to happy meals. Works for me.

Don't you think anything miniature is super cute? I do.

If you need the toes of your shoes shilacked....I'm your girl.

Hi friends, (spell check didn't work...again. What's up?)

Just thought I'd up date you on my job. (WEIRDEST thing ever to have a real live job!)

By day two of working I was super FREAKED out! It was so HARD. I seriously felt like I needed a college degree in workmen's boots. I was really questioning whether I cared to fill up my limited brain energy with facts about gortex, membranes, steel toe, composit toe, line men boots, and whether the shoes might be in the trailer, back room, or truck.  (Don't know what any of that shoe babble means? Welcome to the club.) And... a customer actually took delight in harassing me. Grr.

At the end of day two when Corey picked me up I started crying and had to go home and have a major nap. I was worried this was not going to work out.

I felt guilty and stupid for all the times Corey had worked all day and I expected him to jump right in and relieve me from my stressful day.

So then I went back the following week and worked with the THIRD nicest coworker ever. I honestly can't believe how nice these guys are. Gus was fun to talk to, very kind in teaching me, AND most importantly, shares my love for Neil Diamond.

I worked Friday and Saturday with him and by the end of Sat night I was hanging in there and feeling much more competent. So hopefully things will continue to work out. A man came in wearing SIZE 20!!!! We couldn't even sell him shoes. I felt quite bad for him.

Also I had a bit of a reminder of what I really care about career wise.... A larger cute lady came in who needed shoes for work. Her legs were incredibly swollen she said from having a vitamin D deficiency. I have basically recovered from the grossness of touching feet. I just keep thinking....these are God's children. Who cares. This lady couldn't really bend over to get her sock on and off so I helped her and helped her get her shoes on.  She thanked me for my help. I was far more concerned about her medical condition then her shoes and I enjoyed helping her and it just reminded me that if I am going to spend time working it really needs to be in a way where I can help people. But for now I will keep the shoe job because it is the least intrusive on my life as a mother.

I have still been seeing Therapist Kristopher. I think it must be helping because I have lost 20 pounds. Dealing with stuff must be healthy for you. I was astounded today at his insight and wisdomy words. I really appreicate him so very much.

I am in charge of the crafts for our church girls camp. They are going to be GREAT! I will show you pictures later. I have so much to  blog but so little time with all the kids home and our summer happenings. Be patient with me!

To close this blog let me share with you a picture of MY OWN application of something I can't remember the name of. It is some kind of something that coats the toes of men's work boots. It hardens and helps the toes last longer. I have been very impressed with the terribly HARD labor of these men and some women. Seriously HARD. Didn't I do a great job? Nathan, my co-worker, taught me.

Corey think I am so cool. For some strange reason this is his dream job.

Khronicles of Kate. You will not believe she did this AGAIN!!!!

She CUT her HAIR again!

She is four and a 1/2 YEARS old!!! I cannot believe she is still cutting her hair! It isn't like we just have scissors laying all over the house to tempt her...

When I asked her why, she told me she wanted to look like Emfield, the Administrator at our charter school who shaves his head. She really likes him. He is kind and loving to her whenever I go to the school. He always gives he a little walk while she sits on his foot.

Can you even believe it????

Here she is sleeping. She looked so much like Bo!

I have no choice but give her a very short bob. Grr.

She has been saying and doing the funniest things. She has learned some very teenager things like calling boys hot. She sings all these teenager songs and knows all the boys from One Direction.

She likes to give you a hug like a dancer. She will very softly lay her head against your shoulder and neck with her hands softly around your shoulders. Like dancers do whenever they finish a romantic song. It is too cute.

She is tons like Kassidy was at this age. All SPIRIT!

Did you know that each foot sweats 4 ounces a day?

What the craziness? I have never felt my feet sweat that much! But that was just ONE of the new little things I learned to day at my new job at the shoe store.

Did you guys know there are fifty batrillion things to know when working in a shoe store? Specifically a man's work boot store? It was insanely crazy HOW MUCH MY new boss knows about shoes and boots and feet and fields of work and what shoes are good for those fields of work. Of course it was overwhelming.

I was familiar with my boss, Nick, before I worked there but didn't really know him. I was very amazed and humbled today to find out what a kind and gentle soul he is. He is maybe under forty. He was so terribly nice to me. Which I deeply respected because of course I was terrified to go to a new job. And he could have but he didn't pull any power trip on me or try to make me feel nervous or intimidated or anything of the sort. He was just all pure kindness and pure patience with me and the customers through out the entire day. What a blessing. He even said it is tradition to buy his new employees lunch on there first day and he gave me some money to go buy myself lunch on my break. What a sweet gesture.

Corey popped by and took my pictures. I was selling a lady Keen sandals of course! (dorky picture!)

It was a very busy day. It had some fun moments and the time went by fast. I think I will be happy with it once I get then hang of it. My cute mom came in and bought two pairs of shoes. Nick even gave her my family discount.

Kassidy sent me a cute text during the day... "How's my working mommy?" I thought it was cute. It was fun to focus on something new but I did miss my mothering duties.

It felt a little weird to be selling shoes when I want to do something that changes the world. But for now I am just going to try to rock the needs of shoe shoppers everywhere. That will have to do.

I am TERRIFIED! "Face your fears" Blah Blah Blah. Really...BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!!!

That is the conversation I am having in my head today. And I am also saying Kristopher's famous "I don't like it, that's okay, I can take it anyway." I know that is so cheesy but it rhymes and is easy to remember and I am assuming that is its purpose. So that when my brain say BLAH, BLAH, BLAH,....I can hurry and think of "I don't like it that's, blah, blah, okay, I can take it anyway." Your brain can only think of one thing at a time so Kris asks me to choose what that one thing is. And instead of saying "I'M TERRIFIED" I say, "I don't like it...."you know the rest.

And I know it seems nutty but it really is not. I am not a huge fan of weird, nutty things. That is why I know this isn't nutty. Because I am a fan of Kristopher's theory. And I think it works. And it calms me down and helps me cope with things like..............................

Starting a NEW JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Crikes!!!!! I'm  TERRIFIED (I don't like it that's okay....)!!!!! I haven't worked in a batrillion years! Not for pay at least.

So here is how it all went down.

Corey and Susan decided upon having a batrillion kids not realizing that when they grow up they suck the living life blood (and other things) straight out of you, AND all of your money....every last penny and then some. And they also didn't realize that gas would  cost a BATRILLION dollars. Or peanut butter. Or apples. Or that one single van could break down a batrilioon times. And that Susan would have a real liking for nice shoes. Specifically for Keens.

So now that our littlest is growing up a bit and our bank account is steadily growing down, I decided I might need to work a bit, although I never want to replace my main job as mama. So I have been very torn. How do I do both. Can I do both? Should I do both? Should I just go back to school and get a career? Or just work a little job to get by? I have been very torn. And I never wanted to work. I am scared of letting my  priorities on my little chicks wane. So I am starting here with this step. And seeing how things go.

Anyway, I applied for a job at the kid's school. Had a very fun interview. But the job was offering three days a week. Three days where I would have to find a place for Kate to be babysat. Also I still want to be free to drive Nathan to orchestra again and that job was not necessarily going to allow that. Also.. I was going to enjoy some quiet preschool hours. Remember? Also, it wouldn't give me any income over the summer. But it would be a nice job.

So at the exact same time as the school interview, Corey treated me to fantastic shoes for my 40th (CRINGE) birthday.(I still have to post picture of my PARTAY!) I have not had a pair of new shoes in FIVE years. My philosophy is buy them nice and then don't worry about it for years. And that is what I did. I am also a size 11!!!!! My feet have grown two sizes with all these kids! It is nuts. So it is hard for me to find shoes. I have worn my pair of Keen sandal for five years and LOVED them. But it was time for new. And for my fortieth birthday I wanted new sandal and  I just also really wanted some funky pair of cool shoes.

We went to the shoe store to order them and we noticed they were hiring. We joked about it at first because being a shoe salesmen is sort of funny. Thank you, Al Bundy. But then I thought more....I like nice shoes! And there would be a discount involved....and the most important thing...The shifts were  6 very long days a month and that would be it. Same amount of hours as the school position. But Corey would be available more for the hours at the shoe store because of his work schedule. (The down fall is working some Saturdays)

I decided the hours appealed to me and I applied. Didn't hear much back. My application had basically no work experience on it. A few weeks later we go in to pick up my shoes. I mentioned to the manager/owner that I applied. After chatting and joking about my new funky shoes and chatting about my love for Keen he started asking me a few interview type questions.

A bit later I joked if I should wait to pay in case I get an employee discount. We laughed. Then he said I really should and come back in an hour after he had a real interview with someone. "I was going to call you." He told me. Ya right! But I think after he met me he liked me. So we go back a bit later and when I walked in he asks me if I wanted employee discount and I said "YES" and I had the job. WEIRD!!!! and....go me!

It happened so fast and so casual and so weird that I don't even know have the details that are important...Such as....can I have the days off for girl's camp that I need..... how much commission do I make?

I don't know! It just felt right, I like nice shoes, Corey and I like the hours, we need to put gas in our cars and the guy seemed to like me.

So I am now employed. I stat tomorrow. Did I mention... I AM TERRIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's my new shoes though....

Don't even tell me they are ugly. I think they are the cutest things ever. I am getting more.

What? I have to dress the part, right? Can you say business expense? I know, my feet are huge.

My feel are literally so comfortable I feel like they are a swaddled baby in a bed. Did you know these sandals have some sort of anti feet stink magic about them? I'll fill you in after I learn it. But they are the reason I wear Keen. No lady wants her feet to stink that's for darn sure!

And Corey has been MAD with jealousy because my new boss gave me a free pair of socks (18 dollars!) to test out to sell. MOST comfortable socks ever! I wore them every second on my sick bed the other day.

Corey wants these sock like you wouldn't believe. Ahhh, the joy of wearing them is all the sweeter.

They are left and right socks. Yep. I am moving up in the world.

Anyways, Corey also bought me a new shirt for work. It matches my funky shoes. I have lost 16 pounds. That's something, right? What is up with my short squaty legs? RUDE!

So...now you know where to go for your shoe fitting. Did I mention I have an aversion to touching feet? I haven 't decided what to do about that problem yet. Would gloves be offensive?

Kate is moving on up! And spell check was broken.

Like most mothers, I am not very good at declaring what I need.

I had dreamy glorious visions o f doing home preschool with Kate. My last little kidlet, a sweet little girl. We could do a craft a day and I would be her teacher. Doesn't it sound lovely? But my mental state just could not honestly take it.

So I decided to do "joy" school with some friends. Where we all take turns with each other's kids. But my mental state just honestly couldn't take it.

So in a tearful, crying behind my hands, freaking out, "attack" I demanded from Corey, preschool. He would rather see the money go elsewhere and so would I. But I told him it has to be. It just does.

So he signed her up. She is beyond thrilled. The thought of going to school with a real live backpack, after witnessing all her siblings go off to school, just means such an adventure for her. She is thrilled.

I wish I was the cute little mom who could home preschool my last lovey dovey little girl. But I just for reals can't do it. I am f.r.i.e.d. As in F.R.I.E.D. Corey, in typical caveman fashion, asked what I would do during that time. I said....Fold laundry...in quiet. Do dishes...in quiet. Clean house...in quiet. Blog...in quiet.

I just need some quiet.

It felt sort of good. To do something big for myself like that.

My life is drastically changing. Chapters of raising babies and toddlers are completely gone. It is heartbreaking and joyous. It is so weird to be moving on after so long. It was such a happy fulfilling time of life. I am so glad to see who my children are becoming. Which I have realized I have absolutely zero control over. That just makes it all the more fun!

Kris says to face my fears. Why? Why do I have to do that? If I face them and it works out then I can see the point. But if I face them and fail....why do I have to face them. :(  I'll explain more in another post what all that jibberish means.

I have been in bed sick all day. It has been sort of fun. Watching movies on hulu and having Corey stay home from work to care for our other sickies. Don't tell him.

Picture overload. Sorry. Bad camera still. Sorry.

Summer has slowed down my blogging! So I am playing a bit of catch up. Almost our whole family is sick today. Justine was supposed to give a talk at church but had to miss. Bo gave Kate's "talk". She hasn't felt well for three weeks. The Dr. says it is just a cold. Sad little thing. Her voice is all squeaky and cute. Our van is still struggling to stay alive. We never know when it is going to quit. We borrowed my dad's truck for a whole week. That was great fun. We got the van back from the shop (again) and it died (again).

Oh well, right? It is what it is.

Nathan has the sweetest little seventh grade teacher ever. She always goes above and beyond. Each year the class does a play. Shakespeare none the less. The dialog is a great challenge. The kids put so much personality into it. It was a joy to watch.  Nathan's character was Philostrate. He did most excellent!

The class all works together on the props and costumes and choreography. So cute.

                                                                               
  Nathan in brown coat

Nathan was so amused by the play he was smiling during some of the scenes. I thought it was so cute.

The cast!

Corey enjoyed the play as well.  Don't worry. He woke up for Nathan's lines.

Weight. I cannot come up with a clever title today. I didn't get enough sleep last night.

I know my faithful readers have been seeing me on a bit of a roller coaster lately with some very sad moods. And you have been seeing me try to work through some of those issues. And you have seen that I have been going to my beloved therapist Kristopher, for extra insight and support. And I certainly am BLESSED with the best people around to love me. (Even when I receive hate mail...yes, it's true).

But, I think it is okay to have sad times. I think it is okay to seek help. I think it is okay to take a whole summer to sleep in and relax and to not compare or put too much pressure on myself. But I am also happy that I have light and direction as to dealing with sad times. Light and direction from Heavenly Father, light and direction from loved ones, and light and direction from a professional.

Quite a bit of my sadness comes from not being able to control my eating. Turning to food for comfort which just causes you more sadness in the end when you are not the person you were created to be.

I was totally annoyed motivated by my weight buddy who suddenly kicked it in gear and lost 15 pounds. And it kicked me in gear.

I haven't mentioned this sooner because, let's face it... people who are trying to lose weight are annoying. Also...what if I fail? In front of all of you?

But...I have been trying to change my lifestyle....again. Not just a quickie lose weight plan but really trying to change my bad habits. And it is HARD. But it also has been doable. And it has been getting easier by the day. And thank Heavens for gum. And it is a gift that the cravings die down quite a bit.

Several of the reasons I am having success this time instead of the failure I have had MULTIPLE times is that I learned to change my thinking about it. My friend Kirsten helped me do that pertaining to weight and also Kristopher is ALL about changing your thinking. ALL ABOUT IT. I really like it and I really believe it and Kris always spends time in therapy training me in regards to my thinking.

Anyways, I like to count calories. I like the mathematics and the organizationness of it.

So, in the past I would set a calories "stick to" goal and if I went over even 30 calories I would feel like I had failed miserably. Not even realizing I was still in calorie deficit by a TON. Sad, huh?

Then I tried a new tactic taught to my by my friend. If you times you weight by 11 you get the number of how many calories you would eat to neither gain nor lose. So as long as I was coming in under that number I consider it a successful day and I would cheer for myself. Even if it was a small loss. I would write "Yay" on my paper and give myself a star. Changing my "self talk" has kept me sticking with it and I have now been doing it for over 45 days.

 Some days have been better than others and some days stunk. But I still have been able to stick with it and be much more positive about it. My "muscle" for self discipline has been growing and I am becoming pretty strong.
I have a friend who lost 100 pounds. 100! And she has become a crazy, lean machine. She told me...."You are working towards a goal"! And "You have to just decide what you want". Those two things have really stuck with me and I just focus on my goal when I want to cheat. Now, I say to myself if I feel deprived..."No, it's okay, you are working towards a goal" and it changes everything for me,

I also don't believe the scale ANYMORE. The scale is a BIG FAT UGLY LIAR and it discourages me like crazy. So now I just figure out how much I have lost mathematically and "the proof is in the pudding"! (or carrot sticks!)

That's all. Bye.