The day after Kassidy moved out...
We repainted her room for Nathan. We didn't waste an ounce of time because he was dying to get into it and I knew I would be swamped once i started school.
I actually let Nathan and Justine work on it while I worked and then I finished it. He wanted it red and silver. What the heck, right?
I think it looks AWESOME! Corey thinks it is hideous.
But Nathan loves it. And he is so darn happy in there.
He had been sharing his room with two very rowdy brothers. He told me as soon as he was in his new room I would see he was clean. And sure enough....he wasn't the messy one!
He is so happy at night because he can go to sleep at night in peace (that is a pretty big deal). He can hang out in peace and quiet in his own room.
So here it goes....In some areas it is very shiny. I still need to do a bunch of touch up work....
He is going to get a lizard to put on this table.
He was very happy to inherit Kassidy's old desk.
Don't you think it is a great almost 15 year old boy's room? I do!
He's even been reading more!
I worry about this kid. He is q.u.i.e.t! I don't like it. And now he has been gone HOURS locked in his room. So I started to worry...what is he doing in there?! So I knocked on the door. He was sitting at his desk...looking at a video on his ipod...ABOUT...
How to fold origami animals. Love that kid!
And take a look at Kassidy's new set up. A bed stuck in a miscellaneous unfinished room. Can't make it too comfortable, right? Gotta keep her moving forward with her new life. (actually, we just don't have room to save her room for her. :) )
I don't necessarily want to share this. Sometimes I feel super judged for throwing all my therapy out there for the world to see. I maybe shouldn't have done that. It was probably a stupid thing to do. I maybe should be embarrassed. But I was just so desperate at the time to learn and share and process that I shared a lot. And maybe it was too much and left me looking like a fool.
But I do feel like I need to say one more thing that applies to raising children.
So for the time I have been seeing Kristopher I have relied on his opinion and his guidance quite a bit. I know that is no secret. I have been going weekly for a while now. He has "parented" me in a lot of ways even thought I have perfectly good parents. But he has fulfilled a need in my life. And it is hard to let that warmth and fulfilled need go. And it is too private and hard to even explain why I even had that need.
But it is time for me to start moving on. So "we" are cutting way back on my therapy. And it is okay. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I know I just can't explain it without sounding quackers. But he has really given me a confidant and a guide when I have been struggling through this time. But I have to move on. Not all today. But I have to start.
So he said something that has been pretty helpful when I feel upset about things changing. He said it is individuating me. And I really relate to that. Because it is what I am doing with Kassidy. And it hurts to see Kassidy struggle but I have to let her do it. Like when she called me SUPER FREAKED because her bank account was messed up. And I just had to let her suffer through it. I told her to go to the bank and work it out. She wanted me to call the bank. I told her to go to the bank and work it out. She wanted me to look at it. I told her to go to the bank and work it out. I told her she would be proud of herself when she figured it out alone.
And I felt badly. But I more felt like I was individuating her and that it was the right thing to do.
So I guess when we feel like we want to protect our kids and do too much for them and we feel guilty and we want to save them from hurts we have to remember that we want them to individuate from us. And it is okay to not attend to their every need.
It is okay to allow struggle. It is part of individuating them.
Sigh.
I want food. It is hard to not want to fall back to my old comfortable way ALL. THE. TIME.
I feel like a failure over it.
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