I remember a specific time, a long time ago, when I made a mistake at work and I went to therapy crying and crying and beating myself up. My first therapist, was like... "It's okay to make mistakes, we all do!"
Say what? I missed that memo!
I hate to do things wrong and cause problems for someone else or to get "in trouble" or to hurt someone. Once at my internship I was "corrected". I beat myself up over and over. WHY? I was there to learn. How was I suppose to be perfect at the job? Getting correction is part of why I was there. But I have had a very hard time dealing with things like that without being so mean and rude to myself over it. Criticism is maybe the most painful thing someone can do to me because it never stops with what they say. It continues with what my brain says to me for hours and maybe days after that.
It's pretty painful. And I feel like the career that I have chosen will be subjective to a lot of criticism because there are many different ways to get the jobs done....And you are doing it the way YOU think is best and others can critique in any way they feel...and I am not so tough yet. It is something I am working on.
Today Joel told me...when you are unsure if you are having irrational thoughts or extreme thoughts or beating yourself up about something you don't deserve to be beat up over, you practice mindfulness. You think about you friend, or your kid, or your client. If they came to you and told you about this problem, what would you say to them? That is a good tip.
We need to be nice to ourselves. I need to because I hate the anxiety I spiral into when someone is upset with me or I am upset with myself. This happened to me today and Joel told me I did well because I did a lot of self-talk to calm myself down and that was something an empowered person would do.
Phew.
Elder Uchtdorf:
"We have all seen a toddler learn to walk. He takes a small step and totters. He falls. Do we scold such an attempt? Of course not. What father would punish a toddler for stumbling? We encourage, we applaud, and we praise because with every small step, the child is becoming more like his parents."
I was told by someone not to tell people in grad school that I am in therapy. That they will think that I maybe can't do the job because there is something "wrong" with me. Joel told me that if I lived in California it would be something that was cool. But in Idaho it is looked at as something to be ashamed of. I have been to several therapists as some of my devoted blog readers know. I have learned SO much from each different one. I am not embarrassed. It is not embarrassing to talk to someone who has different answers and insights and experiences and wisdoms than you might, and has an hour ALL FOR YOU to discuss and share them. ALL FOR YOU! Guys, ITS AWESOME! Hahaha.
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