A soft answer....

When Kassidy was a girl she would come home every day from the 4th grade...wailing.

She was suffering so, from bullying. I was on my way to homeschooling her (something I would do in a HEART BEAT now) when I began working with a group of people, some whom are now my best friends to this day, to start a charter school. It is based on a method that teaches, preaches, and… brainwashes if you will,…kindness.

We haven’t HAD A PROBLEM since. It was a miracle cure. We had miracle teachers. We had a miracle method.

When Kassidy use to come home from school so broken hearted, she would behave nasty. Because I was young and inadequate I would react to her nastiness, with nastiness. And it wasn’t fun. And it was painful. And it was volatile.

We started going to a counselor. I learned something that was LIFE ALTERING. (Thank you, Jennifer)

Validation.

When she came home and would have a fiery frenzy of feistiness,

if I would just say to her, “You must have had a really bad day” or “this must be really painful for you” or “that must have really hurt your feelings”,

she would dissolve into a puddle of soft heartedness MUSH. And I would be able to scrape up her runny remains and… love her.

instead… of being nasty to her. Changed our whole little future.

One time I read an article in our church magazine about a little boy who was following his momma around in the kitchen. He was telling her about a little problem he had. She was busy and he just kept repeating himself.

Finally, she looked at him frustrated, and said “What do you want me to do about it?” He said…

”You could say ‘oh’.”

He wanted validation.

In his little words he taught her how important some validation is.

“You could say 'oh'." Breaks my heart for all the times I have been too busy for my kids.

I had someone validate heartache for me this week.

And I am telling you from the bottom of my being,

I have kept that validation wrapped up in my heart where it can penetrate straight to my soul. I have laid that validation under my pillow at night and received comfort and solace from it. I have reenacted that validation in my head again and again, receiving the same comfort and peace… over. and. over. and. over.

I hope I never let it go. It is my best friend right now.

I am grateful for peace when it comes. Grateful for love which always abounds. Grateful for guidance, which is there when you seek enough. Grateful for wisdomy people who are trained,… and those who are not. Grateful for someone saying “that must have really been painful for you” or something similar, which I won’t share because I want to keep it all for myself. Grateful for learning experiences. But oh, how they hurt.

My blog has been very disobedient. So much to post but it won’t behave. Wah. And I hope you all will always forgive my bad grammar. I swear I have no idea where to put commas. And I totally wing it. And it is most always wrong. And remember how I was going to turn my blog into a book for my family? I had spent about 100 hours on it literally…Gone. Lap top died. And it is gone. Thankfully I can redo it but, bummer. And you know how I just told you my lap top died? One day around the dinner table when I am a little old grammy, one of my kids is going to confess they actually dropped it during a temper tantrum. But for now it’s brokenness remains a mystery.