A little depressing. Sorry.

Hiya. My blogging has been slowing down. I don't want it to. But school and work is seriously slowing me down.

 I am grateful for school. It has made me feel like a person again. That probably makes no sense but it is fun to go and do something to improve myself. I am trying desperately to balance that and motherhood. It is hard. I don't know how people do more school and work than I am doing.

I am slipping in many areas. 

While I haven't gained any weight (which maybe alone is a success) I haven't lost anything for months. I just stay the same because I gain and lose the same two pounds each week. But part of me feels successful because my default thinking is now about not overeating instead of what food can I get my hands on next. I usually go right back to my calories control. It's becoming my more natural way of thinking. So I feel like that is probably good. I do have some old bad habits still thought. Like eating at night. While I do homework. 

My church jobs (voluntarily jobs that we all pitch in on to help our church run) are severally neglected. I barely think I can do them anymore.

I am just running out of anything to give. I felt this way right before I went into therapy. The relief of therapy and the tools he taught me helped. But I admit I am still struggling. This might sound crazy but I really think not binging takes a toll on me. Binging was apparently my coping mechanism for stress. Now I just mostly feel the stress. And it hurts. 

I know this statement is maybe not necessarily geared for exactly what I am go through in my life, but I loved it. We all need some comfort, right? I just thought it was beautiful. 

I told the lady in charge of the little church kids to spread the word that I could not sub for teachers. I told her I would say ye because I couldn't say no  and then I would cry when I hung up because it I am fried.

Kate cries almost every time I have to go somewhere. 

Am I the only one fried? I feel inadequate. I feel guilty.

It was Bo's show and tell week. They get one special week in the whole year. I couldn't come to watch him. I had to work. I can't tell you how that breaks my spirit. I am not use to working  and missing my little kids beautiful moments. So I brought the dog in for him earlier that week. And then on his real day....I forgot to remind him to bring anything. And I forgot to remind his sister to go watch him. And when I got home I realized and he told me his show and tell was horrible because he forgot all his toys. WAHHHHH!!!!

His teacher, whom is my friend, said it was actually fine. They got him talking about other things. And I had also sent in pictures of him to show earlier. And I send candy AND stickers. AND I brought the dog!!!! So I am good, right?????

Bo was so proud of this dog. I was so happy. And one point, the dog licked his face and made all the children laugh. It was so cute. I forgave Brody for chewing up Bo's shoes, just for showing Bo's class that his dog loved him. Also, Brody yawned so huge and squealed a little during his yawn and the whole class laughed. It was so cute. And it made Bo happy. That's why we have pets. They are a pain in the bum but they bring joy.

Bo's teacher sent me this email....

"Let me just start out by saying I am laughing as I am writing this and I am not judging you hahaha!.

Obviously..  Bo packed his own lunch today.  :)    It consisted of fruit snacks, mini candy bars, Cheetos and a bag of popcorn a few slap sticks and 3 suckers.  MMMMMM my kind of lunch ."

wait.....that's not what all the kids eat?

So funny. Bo is so sweet thought. 

I also went to Kate's class and helped with the monthly scrapbook page. These things are huge deals to me now days. Volunteering use to be part of my every week. I feel bad that I am not doing as much. OH....BUT I also helped with the school Halloween carnival and I am making Halloween treats for a station for BO's party next week! SO I am just fine!

Kate's cubby. Now THAT is a big deal!

I had the kids make spider finger prints and we are going to put their heads into a Frankenstein head. Super spooky! 

 Kate's page. Minus the picture...

Circle time!

 I also loved this one...

I want all of these silly office supplies. I love them all.