I think maybe I am not enjoying December so far is because I am still in school. And I am under SO much pressure right now with massive assignments still due. And I do not have time to decorate and teach my children about Christmas and Christ. I don't like it.
I remembered though last year when we went and got hot chocolate and Justine and I drove the two little FIGHTING kids around to look at lights. The fighting wasn't good but the rest felt like Christmas. So thinking about that and listening to some Christmas music made me a little happier.
Got this sweet picture from Kassidy...
She seems to be doing well. Cannot believe I have not touched her in 6 months. So weird. She is still her quirky self. So if you read her emails...she's quirky.
So.... I graduated therapy. I actually could have been done months ago. But I didn't want to lose the support. I actually couldn't bear to lose the support. I got weepy for like a year every time we would discuss me being done. And Kristopher would bring it up every time to condition me. (He's a stinker that way). And every time I couldn't take it and I would cry. It was a very traumatic thought for me. To go out there in the world again, figuring things out on my own.
Did you know that when you start therapy from the day you begin they are working on terminating your therapy? Kristopher has been talking to me about being done for a long time. It is amazing. All the cool things I am learning. I thought Kristopher was such a genius this whole time. And he is to me. But (and he told me this the whole time) the things he teaches me are just the things he learned from someone else and that he was trained to do and that were the tools in his tool box. Of course you add your own personality and skill and talent to those tools but the approaches he has taken with me to help me have been just what I am learning about in these social work classes! It is fascinating to learn this stuff and recall my own journey going through it and knowing now what I know and looking back to what I barely knew then and what was sort of being done without me even realizing there was a method.
Anyway, it was extremely important for me to be done when I decided and to not be pressured into it or told I was done. I appreciate so much Kristopher understanding that. I have heard of other people just going in one day and thier therapist telling them they are done. That is a painful way. I might have had a freak out if I was forced to be done because I wasn't ready. It filled me with so much anxiety. So even though towards the end when I was "done", I mentally was not "done".
And then one day...I was. It was just time. And that was that. Even though it still hurt and was hard to say goodbye, it was time for me to handle it. And I am. But don't talk to me about it. I'll cry.
I had the beautiful joy of a termination session. I read about it online and how nice it can be to have that closure and conversation, instead of just not going back. So we had that session. I can't even type this without getting teary. It was lovely and sad and happy. It was the perfect last session. I am thankful to him for handling it the way he did and for giving me such a sweet ending. What happened to me in therapy is something I can't really explain. And I know it might seem so odd, but to me it was spiritual and a gift and such a schooling. Very grateful for that.
I assume I will go back every now and then if I need some extra support in life. But for now I graduated. So many feelings.
What a crazy life life is. For all of us.
Alright, I have to go memorize things for a test. And do math. And EXERCISE! grr. All tonight.
And once again I forgot to pick up Nathan from Karate. I really do love him. But he is just so quiet and often in his room so I keep forgetting him there. Doh!
Still not drinking pop or caffeine. Still working on my weight goals. Talk to you later.
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