I seriously had the best soup ever tonight. I might be obsessed.

Hi, 

I don't really enjoy the holidays as much as I use to. 

I use to REALLY get into it. But I just feel like I have gone ALL out for a long time and I am tired. I keep repeating that over and over. I think it is because I expected to not be tired any more but I still am. I almost want to do what is just the minimum to get by. I don't feel good about it at all. But I don't know how to change it. I just keep doing my best so that the little kids still have some good memories. Bo and Kate put lights in their room. They are strung crazy and Bo's especially are a MESS (Justine helped Kate. So thankful for her). From my view point I feel bad. I should go in there and perfect it. But I keep thinking....from their view point....they are going to sleep with LIGHTS in THEIR room! Wahoo! I don't think they actually care if they are perfectly strung. I am going to hope it is enough for them. I decided I would do an activity every Saturday till Christmas with them. I think I can handle that. I am ready for school to be over for this semester. I need to get back to my other life.

From my smallest ever since losing weight I have gained 23 pounds. In a way I still consider it a success. I have kept most of the 100 off for a long time. That is HARD.

But when I compare these two pictures....

ARG. Not like a pirate either. Like a mad person. Arg. 

I KNOW what I have to do. Remember when I quit sugar? I did for two weeks. Then I started again. Now I quit pop. I have had a caffeine headache and everything. But as long as I am still fighting I am not giving up on myself. 

I know this.....

I HAVE to stop thinking self defeating thoughts. Which I have been. 

So I redid my vision board. I'll show you later. And I found this quote and I found a little support group and "coach" and I am fighting. 

I'll tell you some tips later that I read to keep me going. 

In the meantime....3 tsp of peanut butter and 1 tsp of honey is insanely yummy. I would say how sad it is to only have 3 tsp but I am being positive so I won't.

Also....today I had soup from Rumbi. I don't know if I have ever had any more delightful flavored soup! Bahama Mama Tortilla was it's name. It was like orangy or something!!!!!! And it was so low in calories I can barely fathom it because it tasted so good!