I hugged it out with a dog.

One of the highlights of the trip? The littles had a slumber party with their cousin in the living room! And they got a homemade bed time story from Uncle David featuring none other than Luke Skywalker! It was one great bed time story. The kids loved the time David spent with them and it wasn't a short story either!

Lot of joyfulness in this house. Mostly due to this one little creature. "Tip Tip" The cutest kitten ever. We spent a lot of time watching him play and play attack the dog who would play attack back and we just couldn't get enough of this baby. 

After Bo had his fingernail trauma he spent sometime being cheered up by Tip Tip.

Bo's cousin, Ellie

A few selfies with Tip Tip....

almost....

There's his ear...

There's Tip Tip....but no Bo. Hey! Selfies are a lot of work!

I LOVE cats...

Justine loves cats!

Bo and his cousin buddy Macy. Ever since these two have been little they have really had a special little connection. Bo loves her so much and treats her so sweet and actually watches out for her and takes care of her. 

Kate with the other cat, Caesar! He is a little old and grumpy at times. 

Look how cute!!!!!

I can't believe this is the only picture of Scout the dog that I got. He is a GREAT dog. He has such a gentle soul. I really liked him. 

One morning I was kneeling in "my" room. I wasn't praying. lol. But Scout came up to me and just stared at me and I pet him and we talked. He kept putting his foot on me. You guys, I had to hug him. I couldn't help it. He is so kind inside his soul! We hugged it out. I would have stolen him if they would have let me.  

So....back to the Captivating book...

Oh my friends. It is so beautiful in areas. I just can't type it all. One part talks about how there are many descriptions and books of what it takes to be masculine. But to be a woman? Not so much. The book talks about how there are "reals of material on what you ought to do to be a good woman." and it talks about how churches are not helpful in this area. Churches teach us that women are primarily here to serve. "You are here to serve, That's why God created you: to serve in the nursery, in the kitchen, on various committees, in your home, in your community. Seriously now- picture the women we hold up as models of femininity in the church (I don't know what church this book is actually referring too. It is not my LDS religion but I  believe it must fit woman in  most churches.) They are sweet, they are helpful, and their hair is coiffed. They are busy, they are disciplined, they are composed, and they are tired. "

"Think about the women you meet at church. They're trying to live up to some model of femininity. What do they "teach" you about being a woman? What are they saying to us through their lives? Like we said, you'd have to conclude that a godly woman is...tired. And guilty. We're all living is the shadow of that infamous icon, 'The Proverb 31 Woman,' whole life is so busy I wonder, when does she have time for friendships, for taking walks, or reading good books? Her light never goes out at night? When does she have sex? Somehow she has sanctified the shame most women live under, biblical proof that yet again we don't measure up. Is that suppose to be godly-that sense that you are a failure as a woman?"

"Every woman I've ever met feels it- something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough,not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women."

"Aware of our deep failings, we put contempt on our own heart for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the Beauty of some great story. But the desires set deep in our heats seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us-whether from a driven culture or a driven church-is "try harder."

I have felt this. I have felt that God won't want me if I have not busted my butt. It has created distance. Because I couldn't come to God becasue I was never enough. And I make so many mistakes. 

I love the wording about being "too much". 

I have forever felt I am too much. Too honest, too loud, too many questions, too blunt, too sensitive, too wild, too stubborn, too overbearing,  Too too too much.

"God's Heart For Relationship

The vast desire and capacity a woman has for intimate relationships..."

PAUSE: oddly...it took Kristopher telling me that intimacy in relationships can completely happen without having sex. I always thought when we referred to needing intimacy that is was referring to having a sexual relationship. But no. We need intimate relationships with people. Relationships that have NOTHING to do with sex. Connection with people is important. 

"tells us of God's vast desire and capacity for intimate relationships"

PAUSE: so becasue God made us and we have an enormous capacity and desire for intimacy with people...that shows that God has a enormous desire and capacity for intimacy....with us. He wants that with us. WHAT? I never knew that. Again, like yesterday's post. He wants a relationship with me? He wants me too? I want him. He wants me? There are billions of me out there. He really wants me? If he wants me... then he wants you as well. 

"In fact, this may be the most important thing we ever learn about God-that he yearns for a relationship with us. 'Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God' (John 17:3).The whole story of the Bible is  a love story between God and his people. He yearns for us. he cares. he has a tender heart."

God doesn't want me all exhausted from giving and giving all of myself away. That isn't going to make me "good enough" for him. 

He just wants me. As I am. Right? 

And he has a tender heart? I thought he was always mad at me for not being better, not doing what I know I should be doing. Not not not. 

But apparently, he is soft. And gentle. And listens. And knows I make mistakes, and doesn't care. I'm good enough for him. 

 Recently this was CONFIRMED to me. Remember how I said that oddly I learned these things about God in therapy? Well these things, that I learned God was, and the unexpected way that I learned it, was validated to me that he really is this way and that I really learned it the way I learned it. That was a pretty special experience. 

My brain knows it. I have to keep convincing my heart to remember to feel it. Does any of this make sense?