Fruit cake is good, right?

Had my blessed appointment with Kristopher today. I keep telling him how much peace he brings me and how thankful I am for him. He keeps insisting it isn't about him (because he knows how much he means to me). I believe him. I do.

It is about spreading the love of God. It is about acting as Christ would act if he were here. It really is. And he always tells me that now it is my turn to pass that on to other people. I guess that is why I share such deeply personal things on my blog. Because I don't want anyone to think they are struggling alone. We are all struggling in some way or another. And we are all struggling together. And I was just fortunate enough to find someone to connect with and guide me through that struggle. And I don't take that lightly. And I share, hoping to help any of you who may need someone to "be" with you during your struggles.

Kristopher and I were discussing "something" about my life from when I was a child. He kept repeating the trigger word that had to do with this "something". It is not anything dramatic or more suffering than many of you have gone through but to me it is "something". That is what I love about seeing Kristopher. He looks for things that still affect you as an adult. And just because it isn't some monumental crisis, it still had an affect on me. And him taking it seriously and having compassion for me has brought me peace. (Which has lead to weight loss.)

 As Kristopher was repeating the word trying to discuss that "something" with me, I told him not to say that word anymore. I told him I wouldn't be able to come back if he was going to keep saying that to me. I told him he wasn't allowed to say that trigger word because I couldn't stand to have my "safe place" say that to me, not one more time. I literally had to put my hands over my ears because I couldn't hear him say it anymore. I told him I felt like I was going to throw up over it. And I did feel that way. It was weird. He had some pyschological term for that reaction that I guess is somewhat normalish.

Of course we will be talking about it more in the future until I don't have that reaction anymore and it is just "something" in my past that is no longer affecting me. And I am supposed to go into my "wilderness" with God and tell Him about it and grieve over it. Um....I don't know about that. I keep kicking against the pricks on that one. I am scared to do it.

A) I am scared of the wilderness. Literally...No really. I am.
B) What if  nothing "big" happens out there....
C) What if something "big" happens out there....
D) What if I can't conjure up any feelings because I am....a bad pupil.
E) What if it is easier just to tell Kristopher...

BLECK!!!

Let's talk about Justine now.

I am so blessed to have her as my darling daughter. She and I had an appointment for her foot today. I will share more about that later. Afterwards we went to the mall for a few minutes. I have been trying on different types of clothes. I have not cared about my clothes for way over ten years. Being over weight sucked the life right out of me. I am so happy to almost be able to shop in the normal section. I bought a wood stock shirt. You know...as in the yellow bird from snoopy... It is cute. (And old Navy, ooohhhh la la)

My weight loss guru friend put a quote on Face book that says..."I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with yesterday."

I. LOVE. THAT.

Because that is the stinkin' truth to my story. I fail one day and I say forget it! For the past 6ish months that I have been losing weight I have been learning to fight that. It has been instrumental in my success thus far. Keep on trying.

SO back to my girl, I love her. She tells me all the funny stuff that goes on at school or in her life and we just chat up a storm and I am grateful and thankful and appreciate so much that that is possibly not that common for a teenager.

So she tells me she had to take this test that tells you what skills you might have if you are going to the military. She scored highest in electronics.

She couldn't figure it out. She said to me "How can I do the best in electronics!??? I can't even work my own ipod!" And she can't.

Bahaaaaa! Is it just because I am biased or is that totally amusing!???

Sweet girl.

Bye, my friends. I hope I am doing something right by sharing all of this. I hope you all don't think I am a fruit cake now. :)