Kristopher day....

Okay...I put this whole thing in quotes. But....it is really just a recreation of the conversation. I can't really remember word for word. But because I love to type the Him: Me: Him: Me: I put it all in quotes.


Me: "I don't mind dealing with the problem but I just don't want all that pain that goes with that problem."

Him: "When you say things like that I don't even understand what that means."

Me: (Thinking in my head)....I don't understand what you don't understand. I DON'T want to HURT!

Him: (Again)... Scratching his forehead and rubbing his head with his eyes closed in frustration. "I just don't understand what that means when you say things like that."

Me: (Whatever!)... "Can we talk about this other thing I have been needing to tell you now?"

Him: (Really serious!)... "Can you commit to accept suffering?!!!!"

Him: (More serious).... (I always say he is mad at me and he always says he is confronting me. To keep me accountable I am assuming. I am very grateful for it. Honest.)... "Really. I don't want you to ever say those things again. It is ENTITLED!!!!! I know you hate when I say this but it is "

Me: "okay" ( but not before I rolled my eyes at the entitled part. That burns me up.)

Him: "Do you think Christ's life was easy? He suffered. You are wanting something even He had to deal with. Life is suffering!"

Me: "So what do I do then when things hurt so much and I don't think I can take it???" Like lately I have almost felt in an emotional frenzy or anxiety ridden.

Him like clock work: "I don't like it that's okay, I can take it anyway, I can't  be liked by everyone, I can't control or fix everything, I like myself for who I am and where I'm at".

He said by doing these techniques he has no depression, no anxiety, no addiction. Only sometimes does he just get a little melancholy  BAhaaa!!!! Melancholy is such a nerdy word. And he did say it! That part was NOT a recreation.

I think it takes a LONG time to change thinking patterns. I am grateful for all the reminders when I keep making the same mistakes.

And I realize it really is entitled to just expect to not have any suffering. And I sort of do that a lot. I want everything to be easy. I feel abandoned when it is hard. But I guess if we come to accept and embrace suffering our thinking will change in regards to it and we will learn to look at what there is to learn and discover and create out of suffering.

That's all. It is so interesting all these things you can do to change your thinking. I am very excited at the thought of living without anxiety and depression and addiction.

Justine about busted a gut when she saw Nathan and I do our secret handshake. Lol. It was funny. I really enjoy the older kids. They are mostly funny and fun and capable and enjoyable. Not always, but mostly.