Am I starting to drool and babble a bit?

Wow. I think I might have finally come close to breaking point.


Instead of Corey begging me to get the BIG H surgery, that will leave me barren, I am beginning to beg him to let me get it done! (okay, I don't have to beg him but I have been beginning to be the one to say to him that I need to get it scheduled.)


Something has shifted in my universe.


When I began having all these children, and it was obvious that they were strong willed, loud speaking, random noise making, persistent children, my dad told me I was going to have to develop nerves of steel.

So, being the dutiful daughter, and seeing his wisdom, I did! And I have kept those nerves up until about the end of last year. Slowly the steel has began to deteriorate. I don't know why but I am becoming weak.

It's not the running around. It's not the workload, It's not the older kids, or the cleaning or the homework or the ENDLESS. Laundry.


It's not the endless expenses, or the girl drama, or the constant monitoring of their phsyche.

It really is only about three things that makes me think I can't bare another moment.


It is the....I can't sit down for one millisecond without suddenly someone wanting a drink or a different movie or somebodies bothering them.

It is...I can't prepare myself ANYTHING to eat without little people wanting a bite. I can't even have a drink of water without someone wanting a drink.

It is the...CONSTANT talking and question (the same ones over and over) asking EVERY.LAST. SECOND.

It is the...ADHD riddled sweetie pie who can't quit whistling or clapping or squealing. Or punching me in the car when he sees a slug bug.

It is the.... constant talking and noise making and demands of me...now!

I am on NOISE overload. My brain is OVER STIMULATED! Honestly. Every second they are making noise of some kind.

Even today I felt my anxiety rise as I listened to Mr. Worm on Sesame Street. He was imitating noises like sirens and things. I literally winced and felt anxiety. I am freaking out!

Please don't get me wrong, I am thankful for these sweet kids. And I love them. I just don't know if I am getting older or I have just been mom of little children for a very long time or that the little people WILL NOT stay in bed during bed time but I am BRAIN fried.

I can feel my chest tighten and anxiety filling in at certain times when there is just too much stimulation! Mostly at bed time. I think I might SNAP! I told Corey if he comes home and finds me catatonic he'll no why.

What happened? Where did my nerves of steel go? I miss my old strong self.

I feel weak and fragile. Boo!

And I also am having to endure all this while being out of shape and not being able to itch my own back. That, my friends, has always been very frustrating to me.


Very frustrating. But I keep thinking just two more years. Just hang on two more years. Hopefully then the constant drain of little people will have died down.


I did learn a little thing today though that will help me. If you give a three year old a coldish bath and then get her dressed and open up some windows, and put in a movie and lay her on the couch with a blanket and pillow......She will be too cold to get out of her cozy environment and you might have an hour of peace. Phew.