Wrinkles? "What you talking about, Willis?"

My mother in law once told me that no matter how old you are you always feel young on the inside.

I have thought about that for YEARS and YEARS. Even though I was young at the time, I knew it was truth when she said it. I know it is true now. I still feel young. And I still feel skinny...on the inside.

Sometimes I look around at all these kids and the fact that I have almost been married 20 years and I think when did all this happen? I am still 25!

38 has been a stinking hard annoying and traumatic year on me. Or really I should say on my face. Because I still feel young on the inside. And skinny.

But my face is taking a BEATING!

I am always shocked when I am hanging out with the young girls from my church and I think we are all doing fine talking about mommyhood and other funny things in life and then I learn I am as much as FOURTEEN years older then them!! I thought we were all in the same league. One little friend had no clue what the show "Different Strokes" was! Talk about shock!

I have actually been going along pretty good wrinkle wise but suddenly in my thirty eight year the wear and tear is starting to show. My face isn't tight any more and I have a few PERMANENT wrinkles because I don't sleep on my back like Heather Locklear said to. I sleep on my face which has smushed my cheek and made a permanent one inch wrinkle. On both sides. If you sleep on your back all the time gravity helps your face. That is seriously what Heather Locklear does. Assuming most of you even know who she is anymore. Any how who wants to worry about sleeping on your back every night?!

Also I am starting to get some permanent wrinkledge by my eyes. And my hands look the OLDEST ever. And I heard an older lady comedian saying how know one ever mentions your elbows. And how nasty they get with age. And how much trouble we would be in if are elbows were in the front.

But I am really disappointed when I see my face is so soft and not tight and firm anymore. And I am getting those lines down my mouth that make one look like a puppet. It is sad!

And when I hug my little boys at night I want to cry to them "Always think of me as your beautiful little mommy. Always see me with your little 4 year old heart. Don't lose respect for me because I grow old."

Are men deep enough to see past wrinkles? I know Corey has seen past my love handles but somehow wrinkles and "old face" seem harder to accept for me.

Did you know that as women get older they start to get manish features? That just freaks the bajeebees out of me. Because it is true. I have seen it for myself! Men get to look distinguished and sexy in there older years and we get to look....like men. Which isn't sexy or distinguished when you are indeed...a woman. Or trying to be.

I didn't honestly think it would happen me. I really truly didn't. I thought I would age really well.
But I am not.


It is sort of sad how little respect older people get. I mean they were people with experiences and huge lives to share. But they get dismissed.

So one day I was reading the People Magazine. (Yeah, I admit it... so what?)

A famous model named Portia De Rossi had struggled with severe anorexia. Severe. And she said something that "rocked my world" if i can be so bold to use such young trendy slang.

It is very simple. So simple it might be a bit of a let down after my enormously long post.

She said "It's really dangerous to think that what you look like is who you are".

I loved that! Shouldn't we all just embrace and internalize that? Our body is the shell that houses are spirit. Why do we base SO many opinions on our shell?