Remember my vision board?
This is what I found on it this morning when I was brushing my teeth. Kassidy left it there for me as a joke. I busted a gut over it. I LOVE Simon Cowell!. Cracked me up.
I love these older kids. I love it when they start to become friends. I know everyone says you shouldn't be your kid's friends and my kids for sure know I'm "the mom" but it is fun to be friends also. .
I had my appointment with Kristopher yesterday. It was such. a. gift. The next client had cancelled and he spent two hours with me. We talked and talked and talked about Christ. And religion. And trials. And being in darkness. And his upcoming project. And how he was proud of me. (My heart broke into a million, trillion, billion, loved, happy little pieces.)
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Heavenly Father was "in the details" in regards to me meeting Kristopher as a therapist. I needed someone who could speak of Christ with me. And mean it. And know about it. And be living it. And train me in regards to it, with tears in his eyes as he does so. I don't know if I have met someone before who is trying to live it the way he is. Maybe it is because he is trained, but his compassion and understanding and desire to do the right thing is so lovely. I have felt more peace in his office than I knew I could finally ever find.
Kristopher and I discussed trials. And how you are often in darkness during them. Trying to figure your way out. Alone. And he told me he has been through that also. Even him. Even recently. And it is because he is no better than Christ. And Christ was even alone for part of His suffering. And so sometimes we go at it alone. And sometimes it takes a long time and we have to be patient, lest we act entitled for the easy fix (I'm learning that one!) And sometimes it really, really hurts. And sometimes it is really, really hard. And sometimes the path is really, really dark. And most of the time it is really, really painful. And you say "why is that happening to me?", "why can't I get any help?", or "why does life suck?"... I always say "Ugh! (You have to do the 'Ugh') Why does life hate me?!!!".
But Kristopher says..."What can I learn?" "What are You teaching me?"
His attitude is that everyone has to go through their own personal "refiners fire" to learn and grow. He says that one of the saddest things that ever happened to him in his entire life, turned out to be the very best thing that ever happened to him in. his. entire. life. Because of what he learned and because of how he grew and because of what he now has to offer the world because of going through that pain. And he has had some really sad things that really would have done me in. But he looks at things from a very realistic perspective. He is ALWAYS telling me to think more and feel less. When you really finally figure that out it is profound. Life altering.
In Kristopher's office is a disgusting IV pole with a bag of BLACK liquid in it. It represents addiction. He is trying to teach people to live their lives without having to be addicted to something.
We are addicted to so many things. Shopping, food, gaming, drugs, etc.... We are looking to sooth our sad and hurting and lonely souls. Sometimes, since I am becoming free from food, I almost feel more sad at times. And I think it is because I am feeling my feelings now instead of stuffing them away.
It's a journey. And Kristopher teaches instead of soothing ourselves through addiction, there is a better way. And it is through changing our brains through neuroplasticty (remember saying positive things to yourself), it is through looking at trials as an opportunity to learn, it is looking at hurt and sadness as a way of learning to have deep compassion for other's hurt and sadness. It is offering the attachment you want to have with other people....to other people.
He did that for me. And it is the safest "place" I have ever been. And my heart is healing. So all the pain I have gone through that landed me in therapy (which really hasn't even been that huge....but aren't we all hurting...on different levels...and isn't that okay too?) has been a blessing.... and a gift... and an opportunity to learn.... and an opportunity to come to Christ.... and an opportunity to love... and be cared for...and be free from addiction... and to heal whatever wounds I have. Big, small, or even just medium.
So my "hurt" may just be the best thing that ever happened to me as well.
Kristopher gave me the assignment of reading about the parables of Christ. I already got a book on the subject. You know...to go along with the real book! LOL! I'm so excited to have a plan. I love assignments. I love life's journey. I am hoping to learn every ounce out of it that I can.
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