Guilt Schmuilt!

This year, since I began my mental breakdown......er.... vacation.....er...... sick leave .....er..... sabbatical ......er.... growing season, I have been doing a lot more things that are healthy for me. Walking with friends several times a week, working a bit, dinner with friends (even more than once a month, "Kristopher says!!!!"), letting some things go (the house, homework, dinner (Corey took charge), and getting some pets. It has been fun. And I have enjoyed it. Relished in it. Soaked it up like it was the last good thing on planet earth.

And I have felt some guilt over it. Guilt over being gone too much. Guilt over giving up cooking my family dinner, what mom does that? Guilt over not working on the house ALL the time. Which is what it takes to keep it clean with six kids.

Guilt over not being the homework police. Guilt over bringing home a pet when my spouse doesn't want one. Guilt over leaving the kids in the evenings to walk.

But I just had to make some changes. I just had to. I JUST HAD TO. It's as simple as that.

I have a friend. She is a doll. Like possible the nicest person around. She and I were talking about this subject. About never doing stuff for yourself.

My friend likes to read about my sessions with Kristopher. She said she has formed her own Kristopher in her head.

Her Kristopher is a cowboy with brown hair and a mustache. And I think she said a vest. Lol. She said she will envision herself having sessions with her Kristopher through my blog and getting therapy and applying what I am learning to her own life. In her mind she sits on a couch and everything. (My Kristopher does not look like that at all. I am going to see if he will let me post a picture of him. He has a picture on his book but I don't think it does him justice.)

My friend told me something that sort of put my heart to ease in regards to my guilt for doing good things for myself. Her mother is an ANGEL ON EARTH. Literally. Most selfless, kind, lovely person on earth. My friend told me it is actually really really hard because she already knows she can never live up to how SUPERB her mother is.

She said she wishes so much her mother would have just sternly said, "I am going to my room to read and DO NOT KNOCK on that door."

My friend wishes her mother would have done that. Because.....now she is a darling mother of five. And she CAN'T do that for herself. She can't give herself a break with out guilt.

Stupid guilt!!!! Why do we do that to ourselves! How many guys do you know that feel guilt over stuff???? Is it just a girl thing? Why do we hurt ourselves that way?

I don't want my girls to think it is wrong to take care of themselves when they become moms. I want my girls to go out with friends to dinner and cabin trips. I want my girls to go to midnight premiere movies with a lighting bolt drawn on their foreheads (my friend did this for Harry Potter). I want my girls to learn new skills, and have hobbies they love, and read books, and not wait until the house is perfectly clean  to do so. I want my girls to own more than one pair of jeans. I want my girls to walk with a friend everyday. I want them to leave the kids with me and go on vacation. (I secretly want to go to Disney Land. Just. Corey. and. I.)

Obviously I want them to take their mothering seriously but I want them to enjoy their lives also.

And I don't want them to feel guilt over it.

I want my girls to see me living my life too. So that they will feel like it is okay for them to live thier life. I want them to have BALANCE. I want me to have balance. I want them to have joy and peace and fun. I want me to have joy and peace and fun. I hope I am teaching them.

Today Justine cracked me up. I bought her her very favorite McDonald's cheeseburger. She told me, "Colon Cancer never tasted so good." Lol. She read somewhere that McDonald's cheeseburgers cause colon cancer and she has been hesitant to eat them (They probably do!). I love her though. Good, fun, kid. So far....KNOCK ON WOOD....teenagers have been alright.