I am scared to walk in the wilderness

The other day in group we got to discussing a thing Kristopher talks about in his book called “Walk in the Wilderness”. I read about it over a year ago and thought it was interesting but didn't feel really compelled to do it.

Reasons being….

A)    We all know how I feel about the wilderness

B)    We all know how I feel about the wilderness

C)   

D)  

 E)  

   

 F) We all know how I feel about the wilderness.

So needless to say I have not gone.

Also…I don’t like to be alone with my thoughts much. They run RAMPANT and sometimes that is not a safe place for me. I love to be constantly plugged into radio, television, Internet, and people. I need constant stimulation and with six kids, believe me I get it. I am frankly quite scared with how I will handle life when the forced stimulation in gone and I have to learn to be still a bit. 

Of course one of the purposes of the Walk in the Wilderness IS to be still. And to speak to God. I am the worst at being still. Which makes me the worst at speaking with God.

Kristopher shared one of his experiences with Walking in the Wilderness and his struggle through some obstacles during it. Metaphorically and physically.

He shared one of his client’s experiences with her Walk in the Wilderness that basically healed this lady from HUGE trauma.

Kristopher says a “Walk in the Wilderness” is best done for about six hours. Because for some of the first hours you may be like “this is dumb, why am I out here, blah blah blah” and then after that you can connect with God.

We began discussing some of my issues. I wanted to know what I should do about them.

He said he didn't know.

BACK THE TRUCK UP!!!!!!!

I told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn't know, than I might as well flip out right then and there. Him not knowing what I should be doing or how to handle my issues just sent me straight into “uh….I don’t know about you, but it is time to panic!” mode.

He said he was able to get me 70% of the way there with handling my problems but I was going to have to go to God for the rest because he just didn't have all the answers.

Bummer. It’s easier to just get them from him.

But I want to be pushed into growing my relationship with Heavenly Father. So this is an opportunity.

We discussed how if I felt better I could stay in my vehicle locked in. But I just had to be somewhere alone. Preferably for six hours. With a sandwich. Lol. That cracked me up that he told me to bring a sandwich.

I don’t know. I am still not entirely sold on the idea. When you are going you are supposed to be looking for metaphors that God may put in your path for understanding. One lady found a dead sheep on her journey. We know that sheep are incredibly symbolic of Christ. And this sheep was dead and grody which was symbolic to her of her own suffering. Kristopher shares her entire experience in his book but she had a very intense experience when she saw this dead sheep and she was able to get a lot of her pain out.

From what I am learning, the things that happen on the walk is really just for you. They may not mean anything to any one else. They are for you.

Kristopher shares this in his book, but a "Walk in the Wilderness" is not just some brainy idea he had. Even though he is super brainy.

People in the Bible often went for Walks in the Wilderness to talk to God. 

For people whom are LDS can you think of another person who has done a Walk in the Wilderness? Joseph Smith. And look at what happened to him during his walk. Kristopher mentioned that to me one session. I hadn't equated the two before. 

The “Walk in the Wilderness” is very important to some people because you can’t always release your suffering to a therapist or friend. Sometimes you have to before God to get it all out. Kristopher said that. Sometimes people’s suffering is just too great to share even with him. You need to go somewhere where you are free to talk out loud and cry and get mad out loud. Whatever you need to do.

I am not sure I need to do all that. But I do need some answers to some situations in my life that I don't know how to handle. So I suppose I should try it. I'm just scared.

I've been reading "Jesus the Christ" by the way. I decided read 100 pages a month. I don't want to rush through it. I am mostly at my goal of 3-4 pages a day. I have a little catch up to do. I think it is working though. I think I do love Christ more. 

One thing the book said that melted my heart was in chapter 2. And I am not sure really why I loved it so much other than it just seemed like Christ was so nurturing to His apostles. And it helped me think of Christ being nurturing to me. Which helped me see Him as a person instead of some unattainable thing. Does that make sense at all?

"When the hour of His betrayal was near, in the last interview with the apostles prior to His agonizing experience in Gethsemane, Jesus comforted them saying: "For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God." ..."

So if I love Christ then Heavenly Father loves me. I like that. Don't we love the people who love our children?

I love Bo's first grade teacher for taking such good care of him at school. 

I love his church teacher who has BENT over BACKWARDS to work with him.

I love James, Rhett and Bo's therapist, who  has seen them for YEARS and is so good to them.

I love Mrs. T and Mr E. for loving Kassidy and taking such good care of her at school.

I love Kassidy's boss for nurturing her.

Okay... that was a bad idea. I can't possibly list everyone I love and so now I worry someones feelings will be hurt. 

Sorry. 

See ya.

P.S. My mom loves Kristopher for supporting me. 

So God loves us JUST for loving His Son. Easy as that. And He loves us for a million other reasons too, right?