This week was the week that my work had a booth at the state fair. By the end of the week I have worked like 45 hours not including driving time. That's probably not that much to some of you. So maybe I'm whiny. But with all these kids and a new puppy and fresh back into school for the kids, I. am. tired. And, I can't go to bed and night. I can, I just don't.
I am also NOT keeping up. And I hate the chaos of being behind.
The other night at the fair the most annoying thing happened. I lost my car keys. So at 10:30 when Gus and I were trying to go home I realized they were gone. Gus was so sweet and helped me look and walked Kassidy and I to the car and was very gentlemanly. He kept making us laugh and laugh so we didn't cry.
And then I learned, even though I was given a great discount, that I had to spend 200.00 to get the van towed and new keys made. (I already lost the other key last month.)
It annoys me that sometimes I do just stupid stuff!!! The really great kid we bought the van from assured me I wasn't dumb and that these things happen. Sometimes a little kindness goes a far way. :) I wanted to cry when he told me that.
So many things in my therapy world are coming together. I just so wish I could share in detail. And maybe one day when I am not tired I will try to figure out a way to give you the gist of it. But can I just say...therapy and Kristopher have changed my world forever. I do believe the therapy I received is not the average therapy.
I went to another therapist right before Kristopher. It got me no where. It was useless. I took one of my kids to a therapist. It was useless. In fact....she gave my kid a prescription for a therapy dog for anxiety.
Huh what? You say? YES. A REAL LIFE PRESCRIPTION. On a piece of paper and everything.
My kid as I pick her up from an appointment...."Mom! I get a therapy dog! "
Me..."Oh? What is that?" (thinking it is some sort of therapeutic stuffed animal)
Me.... "Wait....huh?"
Yes. The therapist actually "subscribed" a dog for my kid. Without talking to me about it first.
Don't get me wrong, I believe therapy dogs have a purpose. But isn't that something...oh, I don't know...you ask the parents about BEFORE you get the kid all excited?
Yeah. I thought so.
We did see a really great therapist once for a little while with another one of our kids. So if you need a therapist and don't have a great experience don't give up. You might just have to find the right fit for you. I have referred many people t Kristopher. Some have loved him, some didn't. It is all about what works for you.
Last week in church we had a great lesson about how we are all different learners. And when you are trying to teach a child it is important to teach in the style they learn.
So the comment in Sunday School by the teacher's wife was this..."We are in the midst of a well crafted learning experience." Right? That's what the Mormons believe anyway. That we were spirits sent to earth to gain a body to learn and grow and have experiences.
So wouldn't it make sense that our Father is teaching us in the certain ways that WE learn? Whether it be audio or visual or tactile or whatever it may be.
So somehow...Kristopher had the tools that I learned best from. And so much has just been clicking and clicking.
Since therapy I have read probably over ten books. I have journaled every single therapy session. I have literally spent a year crying almost every day and grieving over unresolved things in my life. I really thought that meant I was sicker for a while. I couldn't understand that. I thought therapy was making me worse. But now I understand it was my brain sorting it out. I am "proud" of Kristopher and I, that we have stuck it out through all this chaos. I can really tell I am getting better.
My thinking has SO changed. And I am grateful. The other day a lady said something like Satan makes us feel bad abut ourselves. My first thought? No he doesn't.
DON'T TURN OVER YOUR POWER. No one can make you feel anything. You have control over how you feel.
Another thing I have learned through therapy is the value of reassessing your childhood. There are things that happen in your childhood that you feel are your fault, because children always think things are their fault. So then when you grow up it is healthy to look back at those things from an adult standpoint. You can then free yourself from some of those things, that when looked at from an adult perspective, you can see wasn't your fault at all. Certain things happen during childhood that change you. It is good to revisit those things from an adult point of view.
Kristopher and I did that on a certain topic. I had been carrying around shame and guilt over something that happened when I was a girl.And I felt horrible about it my entire life. Until Kristopher and I talked about it and he re referenced it for me and through adult eyes I was like "YEA!!!!!! I don't need to feel bad about that! That wasn't on me!"
It wasn't anything major. But in a way, it was I guess. To me it was. I carried it around with me this entire time. I felt SHAME over it. I felt like it was my fault. I was only ten.
Something I have learned...... I sort of have felt guilty about getting such great therapy when really my life was probably similar to many of yours. Why do I get this opportunity? And others don't?
I told Kristopher once something about my things not being that big of a deal and not being that important. He said "It is important to you." And it mattered to him that it mattered to me. His compassion and empathy ALONE has healed me in so many ways. The recent psychology book I am reading now even says that is the case. That a lot of compassion and empathy from your therapist can heal wounds. And in truth..for me...over time...it has. And it has been sacred to me.
Therapy is freeing my soul. For reals.
I made a goal that this was going to be my summer to do fun or scary or exciting things. My friend from group called it the "Summer of Susan". I rode the scariest ride at Lagoon, I ate an earth worm. And a moth. Not just swallowed. Chewed! I went to California and did a million cool things. I went to a family reunion and had a great time. I ran (walked) in the chalk run, I shared fair food with Gus...fried Twinkie.... check! I cliff jumped...check!
And now....I bought and learned how to hold (which I have always wanted to do) ....
LOOK AT MY BRAVE GIRL!!!!!! I was so proud of her! She was scared and almost shaking! But she wanted to try it! (Ignore my bathroom in the back! I was in a rush to get the picture!)
My friend said the summer of Susan in OVER!!!!!! Lol. She did not like this little guy!
I named him Julian.
I have a few more crazy things on my Summer of Susan list. I'll share later!
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