Attachment and Connection

Kristopher day.

Kristopher is always talking about attachment and connection.

He told me today he is an attachment theorist. After receiving all of this therapy and some things that I have learned from it, and witnessing Kristopher's approach, I find this a fascinating topic.

I will be completely frank here. When I first start seeing Kristopher I found myself growing completely fond of him because he was so supportive and caring to me. Which. is. his. job.

Sometimes people do that with their Dr. who happens to be care taking them. People often grow very fond of those whom are showing them care and concern.

I was very worried about my fondness and dependent  level for Kristopher. I am a married woman, and although I did not feel romantic for  Kristopher, I sure grew to quickly want his care. I didn't want him to EVER know because I thought he would freak out and make me switch counselors if he knew how much I had grown to like him.

One day he tried to get me to talk about what he could see, and I could see, but didn't want to admit because I was so scared. My friends, who could see how much I cared about him, even thought he would be very upset and concerned once he knew how....

attached

....I had become to him. I was terrified of him knowing. Terrified. I was convinced he would never let me come back. Convinced. I refused to tell him when he prodded me with leading questions headed that direction.

It was a beautiful moment for me when during that tearful session he exposed my secret and he said it was okay. In fact he encouraged attachment. He said it was healthy for people to have attachment and connection. He said that eventually after we worked through my stuff it would go away. He said he would become a happy healthy memory of safe attachment.

I have thought  A LOT about attachment ever since.

I have felt blessed to see a new side of this attachment and connection theory.

I have felt blessed to see that lots and lots of people are looking for attachment and connection and it is a gift we can offer to others.

 I have felt blessed to see that my children also need attachment and connection. And as their mother....at this point....the person they will have the most attachment and connection with...is likely me. A privilege and a responsibility to develop and treat carefully and hold close. A responsibility to protect their attachments so it doesn't break and so that it is kept safe. So they are kept safe.

Attachment and connection is also one reason Kristopher teaches classes on sex. Loving sex promotes attachment and connection in marriage. What happier kids there will be if their parents are attached and connected to one another. And sex is obviously a big part of that.

Today...he told me how terribly important attachment in those first 18 months of life are. He told me about a study...that as a animal lover....sot of disturbed me. I think he called it the monkey experiment from like the 1940's.

Scientist wanted to see what would happen if they took a monkey away from it's mother (:( ) and gave it to a stuffed animal, or a roll of wire, or a mother that was not warm, or a mother that was warm and would rock. The monkeys would become attached to what ever "mother" they were given! They needed attachment.

We need attachment.  It is okay to give it to each other. It is okay to offer love and connection and attachment to each other. There are many many who are hurting for it. Not everyone. But lots. We need to protect each other and our attachments to one another.

What are we here on earth to learn? Why is loving our neighbor as thyself  so important? What did Jesus go about doing? I think he gave attachment to people. I really do. Sometimes I think we are scared to do that because it really requires a deeper level of love. A deeper level of commitment. A deeper level of committing to protect that attachment so we don't cause harm. A deeper level of effort and pure love for others.

Food for thought. What do you guys think?