Today I ate an extra large junior mint. It looked like a cherry cordial. I was really excited about it. I thought it was a great invention. But it didn't taste as good as the little ones. :(

My kids are out of school this week and I have been as busy as ever. Life does not slow down! I have great guilt over being away from the kids so much, working, running errands, driving kids to various appointments which leaves other kids home alone baby sitting each other.

I hope someday they will read this and have compassion on me that I am doing the very best I can, to love them all, deal with my mental and physical health, take care of their various needs and take care of the home.  It is A LOT. And I really love it all most of them time. I love these kids deeply. Even when I am tired and grumpy by night time. Something or someone is always neglected a bit.

I feel very sad about not doing "better" for Christmas. I really wanted to bring the spirit of Christ in our home more. We worked on some of the Christ for Christmas project but it is just not as good as it was a few years ago when I did a lesson every day. I know Justine especially wants me to do it that way again. The painful thing for me is I don't have the mental energy to get it done. Gathering all these kids together for something like that is a CHORE. They fight and play and it is chaos  Sounds like a lamo excuse I know. But it just is the way it is right now. I am just getting by. Oh well.

Kristopher asked me to join "group" therapy. It is for people who have suffered loss. I know those who know me and even those who know me well might wonder what in the world that is about. But I think lots and lots of us have loss and different degrees of loss. And once again, I am blessed right now to be able to focus on mine.

Last week was my first week in group. I was uncomfortable and slightly terrified and Kristopher knew when we locked eyes and my eyes said... "Holy Moly! Get me out of here!" He pointed it out in fact. He said he knew I wanted out of there. But I committed to go back, because I am a rule follower and I really want to learn what there is to learn right now while I have this opportunity.

I share this about me going to "group" because I realize there are some who are greatly interested in my therapy. It is sort of a hard thing to share that because it feels pretty private and I have to be to vague and I hate vagueness. I am sorry I have to be vague but I do. I want to share my lessons so desperately so I will do the best I can to keep those of you who are interested up to date in the best way I can.

This week "group" was powerful. Sadly, I cannot expand. But lives are changing. I saw one today that had changed and it was so so beautiful. This person was beautiful. Glowing in fact. I could see it in their countenance. It was huge. I was really touched and felt it a privileged to be there with people all working out their pain.

Other family news, James is Rhett's "speech" therapist. Rhett sees him for his dyslexia. I love when I pick him up and I can hear them in the back of the office throwing a foot ball back and forth in the huge room to each other working on words and rules. I feel so blessed for my boy that he has a kind and gentle and manly therapist who gets that tossing a football while working on words is a great thing to an eleven year old boy. Rhett never complains about going to therapy.

James has been teaching Rhett phonic rules I guess you would call them. For example....When you have a long vowel in a word it ends with "ke" and when it is a short vowel it ends with "ck". I might have totally messed that up but it made super sense when James and Rhett were telling me about his work that day. I think teaching Rhett these rules are amazing and will benefit him greatly because he cannot memorize every word and knowing the rules will help him a ton. I am grateful for James's wisdom.

I have a special post planned about something so kind and pure that someone did for my little Bo for Christmas. I can't wait to share it with you.