five seconds

I. LOVED. JURY. DUTY.

And I didn't even get called to officially participate. I'll admit it. I was insulted.

Here is how it works.

There are 12 juror spots. They randomly chose out of 60 of us, 20. They moved those 20 into "Juror" seats. Oh how I coveted those seats.

The two lawyers questioned them. The lawsuit was over an automobile accident. So the questions were like, "Have you ever been in an accident? Will that make you impartial to the case?"

"Does anyone really really really want to be a juror?" One lady raised her hand. Uh.....I know your under oath and all but don't tell them you want to if you want to! That was just a complete set up. She was a goner.

The judge was so sweet and kind. I really really wanted to do it but I wasn't picked. I get another chance on Thursday. Yay. He thanked all of us, even us who had to leave (although everyone else was happy), and reminded us that even though we didn't get chosen we were an  important part o the judicial system.

I find it uber fascinating. I want that job where you sit next to the judge and be his assistant. What degree to I have to get to do that job!?

Oh how I wanted to take a picture in court. But I just didn't think I better.

Okay. So. I have already announced that it has been harder to stick with my calories. I want to eat what I want to eat. And I have mentioned how it freaks me out. Kristopher and I spoke about it. I told him for  a while there I wondered if I was addicted or if food was just so good. And he kinda smiled at my naivety, I think. And he reminded me that lots of things are good. But that having too much of anything is the problem. I was also basically like...It is hard to resist all the time and I don't want to try to resist all the time. And he was like..."Yep. that's addiction." And it dawned on me...here I go again....expecting everything to be easy. Just because this is getting a little hard lately, or I am getting discouraged lately, I want to throw in the towel. Instead of sucking it up and battling through the hard. So sucking it up is WHAT I HAVE TO DO. Kristopher told me he really hopes I stick with it. And I was touched and buoyed up by his concern.

I had several bad moments today, one that happens all the time. My mother in law feeds us with LOVE. So when I visit her I want to eat. And she always has yummy little treats. And I went over there today and she had home made goodies.

Me...I think I'll just have a tad....

Me...nibble nibble on chocolate covered popcorn...

one. second. later....

Shark feeding frenzy on chocolate. Like 700 calories down the hatch just like that. And they were good.

What I learned.

I need a plan going into that situation. I need to know....I cannot have just one. I just can't. I am not stable enough to do so. I need to have a plan of attack. And I think that means self talk. I need to say "remember your goals, remember your goals", or "I don't like it, that's okay. I don't like it, that's okay." or "what is it that you (I) want,what is it that you (I) want".

I committed today to one of my supports group friends to have one month of 1400 calories. And we had 5 seconds of undisturbed eye contact to seal the deal. And towards the end of that five secons she confessed she ate Bambinos today...

(yea....that's FRIED)

and we laughed our heads off about it. I so love life. Sometimes it gets wearisome and then you get to have undisturbed eye contact and laughter with a friend and it makes it all worth it.