Wow. What. in. The. World. (Also, stupid blog hates me sometimes. That's why it is all funky colors, grr)

I think...

 I have an inner child.

Who. Knew.

Actually you do too. I think everyone does. 

According to Wikipedia (I shortened some of it so maybe it shouldn't be in quotes anymore, lol) "In popular psychology, inner child is our childlike aspect. It includes all that we learned and experienced as children before puberty." "The Twelve-step program recovery movement considers healing the inner child to be one of the essential stages in recovery from addiction, abuse, trauma, or post-traumatic stress disorder." ""inner child" refers to all of the sum of mental-emotional memories stored in the sub-conscious from conception thru pre-puberty" "John Bradshaw, a U.S. educator, pop psychology and self help movement leader, famously used "inner child" to point to unresolved childhood experiences." 

All my work in preparing you to read this post about the hoke inner child thing, and Kristopher said it is not that far out there. That lots of people know and believe in the inner child. That is has been around for a LONG time.

I admit, sometimes in my past I may have been a little cynical and judgmental about some of these psychological things. I might have said..."Who cares, move on, toughen up". 

But, I am learning how much some of these psychological concepts really have truth to them and can affect your life. They may not be affecting your life, so it easy to call them silly. 

But if they are affecting your life, learning about these things can be sanctifying. I didn't know about these things. I didn't know how freeing "knowing" was going to be.

 This week I was reading my "Codependent No More" book. An assignment of Kristopher's. 

The author was giving several ways for codependents to become healthier. Her step 2 was..."Nurture and cherished that frighted, vulnerable, needy child inside us. The child may never completely disappear  no matter how self-sufficient we become. Stress may cause the child to cry out. Unprovoked, the child may come out and demand attention when we least expect it."

I was just reading along like in  any other self help book when I read that the author had a dream. It turned out to be symbolic of the inner child. 

I cried when I read the end of the dream. The symbolism was to me, heart breaking. 

 And I couldn't bear to read the end of the dream again and I don't want to share it, I'm keeping it for me. 

But it touched me and hurt me. Just like the movie, "The Help", I can't bear to watch that suffering little girl again, when her maid tells her one last time, "You is kind, you is special, you is important." Can't bear it. That part made me ugly cry. Fo reals!

When I told Kristopher about the author's dream I cried a little and told him the story broke my heart. The reaction (or non reaction) from the little girl wounded a part of me. 

He wanted to know if I knew why.

I let him give me the answer. It's easier when he is willing.

He said it was because the little girl...

was me.

And I couldn't deny it was true. 

When I looked up from crying, I swear his eyes were moist. 

Because he already knew I had an inner child. And he has been helping HER all along.

I just didn't realize it until this week. 


P.S. It helps for me to be able to identify this. It lessons the confusion inside of me. You may not understand  this post. But I have faith that the people who need it, will understand.

It helps for me to know that we shouldn't "pound on that vulnerable child when he or she doesn't want to stay in the dark all alone, when he or she becomes frightened.  We don't have to let the child make our choices for us , but don't ignore the child either. Listen to the child. Let the child cry if he or she needs to. Comfort the child. Figure out what he or she needs." -Melody Beattie