Please help me with my home work. For reals...please help.

All my life I have been riddled with guilt. It is a miserable thing. I don't know why I have so much guilt or what started it. It does seem like it has died down as I have gotten older. Also, being married to Corey has leveled me out a bit because he just doesn't take time to worry about much and I don't think he suffers from guilt.

While reading "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, I learned that a lot of my guilt really was some codependency.

The book said to let go of guilt. Let go. Really? That would be such a gift.

The book has a chapter on loving yourself. I loved it! It was so sweet and gentle! Here is what it says...

           "We need to be good to ourselves. We need to be compassionate and kind to ourselves. How can we expect to take care of ourselves appropriately if we hate or dislike ourselves?"
           "We need to refuse to enter into an antagonistic relationship with ourselves."
            "Put the screws to guilt. Shame and guilt no longer serve a purpose. They are only useful to momentarily indicate when we may have violated our own moral code. Guilt and shame are not useful ways of life. Stop the "shoulds." Become aware of when we're punishing and torturing ourselves and make a concerted effort to tell ourselves positive messages. If we should be doing something, do it. It we're torturing ourselves, stop it. It gets easier. We can laugh at ourselves, tell ourselves we wont be tricked, give ourselves a hug (side bar...Uh...I have never in my entire life given myself a hug and I think that's weird!) then go about the business of living as we choose. If we have real guilt, deal with it. God will forgive us. He knows we did our best, even if it was our worst. We don't have to punish ourselves by feeling guilty to prove to God or anyone how much care....."
            "We need to stop shaming ourselves. Shame, like quilt, serves absolutely no extended purpose....Name one situation that is improved by continuing to feel guilt or shame. Name one time when that has solved a problem. How did it help? Most of the time, guilt and shame keep us so anxious we can't do our best. Guilt makes everything harder.
             "To honor the self is to refuse to accept unearned guilt, and to do our best to correct such guilt as we may have earned."
             "Deal with guilt. Get rid of the unearned guilt. Get rid of all of it. Guilt doesn't help. God will forgive us for anything we have done. Besides, I bet He doesn't think we've done as much wrong as we think we have."

So today Kristopher and I were discussing two separate choices I am attempting to make in my life. Each choice will affect my children in different ways. There will be pros and cons to each choice. One choice I really want to do. The other choice, which I may end up enjoying, I likely plain and simple need to do, but was never in my game plan of life.

(Let me just clarify that this choice has nothing to do with marriage. :) Phew! I just realized it was starting to sound like that for a minute.)

So as we were talking about it I was defeated because I just don't want these choice to affect my kids negatively. I don't want them to have to struggle. I want them to have all the joy and peace and love that I can offer them. I want to be available to them for their every need. Okay...not really. I let them struggle. I don't race to help them with homework if they leave it to the last minute, I don't mind if they have to walk somewhere even if they think they are dying, I make them ride the bus, I don't feel an ounce of guilt when Kassidy complains that she doesn't have her own car. Not. an. ounce.

But I just want to do RIGHT by them. As does any mom.

And I don't want my children's struggles to be my fault.....AT.ALL.

I. CANNOT. STAND. THE. GUILT.

I MEAN. IT.

I CANNOT. STAND. THE. GUILT. (I'll be in trouble for that, you are suppose to tell yourself you CAN stand things.)

When I told Kristopher my plan of not wanting them to struggle at all, he got a little smarty pants on me. He gave me a dumb "exercise" to ask mothers of grown children if they have guilt.

I told him that it was a sarcastic "exercise" because I already knew they were going to say yes because I am sure all mother's have guilt of one kind or another.

And I think that is what he is trying to teach me. Any choice I make in life will probably affect my kids in some way. I am just a human and going to make mistakes and nothing can be perfect and our children are going to be affected regardless just out of the sheer circumstances life throws at you.

So I guess I need to lose the guilt. Because I can only do what I can do. And it is good for our children to struggle just as it is good for us to struggle.

Kristopher has somehow turned every struggle into a good thing. I think he really believes that struggling is good. Okay...he does. He really believes that struggling is good because of who you become from the struggle.

So since I already "got" the point of the idea I don't think I need to do the exercise anymore.

But Kristopher says..."It's an e.x.e.r.c.i.s.e" and I still have to do it.

I love Kristopher but if I am going to do any exercises it better burn some calories!!!! I mean come on already!!!!!!!!

So if your are a  mother with grown children, if you could just send me a note in regards to your guilt I would be able to complete my homework.

AND....to show you all some love for helping me with his assignment, I present to you this little picture I took the other day after my shower.

See it? A PERFECT sudsy heart! I didn't even make it. It was just there!

So cute, right?

Also...I still adore M&M's, (especially the brown ones, they are my favorite. The orange ones are pretty yummy too. I know color doesn't change flavor but really they do taste better. I am still mad about blue. It just isn't right. I liked light brown the best).BUT my main staple these days is this....

I cook a big batch of all these vegetables (zucchini, yellow squash, mushrooms, broccoli  cauliflower, sweet potatoes, no onions, I love them but they hate me) and some salmon and I eat it every single day.  I really really like it and low calorie!

Your taste buds really do change.