What is healthy?

What does healthy look like? Mentally healthy....

I have been spending months trying to figure it out.

I posted once before about Kristopher being an "even" person. Meaning...he's calm, rational, not going to get riled up by much, sensible, did I mention rational? And I mean rational in a way that most of us don't even realize is rational.....

I think someone could tell him he was the suckiest person on planet earth and he would not be affected by it. And I am learning to believe it is because he has done so much work on his self, that he 100% does not need anyone else to make him feel okay. He doesn't need addictions to feel okay. He doesn't need kudos to make him feel okay. He is just okay. Steady. Even. And he has been trying to show and teach me, that that is the point I want to get to. He says nothing feels better.

When I found so much comfort in his therapy, I told him once that I wasn't going to be able to find that comfort anywhere else and I didn't want to leave therapy...as in ever. As in...let me move into this office. I won't pack much, I won't make any noise, I won't eat your chocolate, I promise,...please please please....

Kristopher tells me over and over that the joy is finding that comfort inside yourself.  That you can get all that comfort and  love from within yourself.

I was doubtful and told him I didn't think anything would be as comforting as being in therapy. (Yes, I may have transferred my food addiction to therapy addiction....working on that one too!)

Him...."How do you know?"

Me.... contemplating...."Well, I guess I wouldn't know." Because I suppose I have never felt that much comfort in self.

I have felt that much comfort in food.I have felt that much comfort in validation from people. I have felt that much comfort in therapy. I have felt that much comfort from my babies needing me. But those are all things that are temporary. (unless you have six babies...then it feels like a long time...lol).

The true joy is finding that much comfort in self. In knowing you are okay NO MATTER what outside sources say or do.

Him....(kindly),..."That's right, you wouldn't know." ( I have yet to master the skill.)

I know another person who is even and steady like Kristopher is.

The other day I went to talk with my friend. She is the one I told you about who became a vegan and found her path to be a recovering food addict.While we were chatting we were discussing the highs and lows you go through as an unhealthy person. We discussed how sometimes when you are giving up your addiction you sometimes look for that drama because you are use to all that emotion. I really did that at first during therapy. I was having drama all the time. I couldn't figure out what the heck it was all about. I am so much less....crazy...now.

She said her husband is the most even person she knows. He doesn't get riled up or all sad and depressed, he just.....is. He gets that... sometimes life is going to be calm and mellow and maybe boring but he just accepts those times. He doesn't go looking for something or someone to "fill" him up every second. Just like Kristopher.

Wow. I realized at this point the answer, but I asked her anyways...."Is that what healthy looks like?"

"Yes. That is what healthy looks like."

Even. Steady. Unrocked by every change in the current.

I have been living quite a while with emotional ups and downs and looking to be fed. And feeding myself. Shoving all my emotions down with food. Which did work for a while. Until it took so much more away from me, that I had to give it up. Weird thing is,  until I gave it up, I didn't even really "get" that I was "using". I guess maybe I had an inkling. I must mention how grateful I am that Heavenly Father saw that it was time to teach me and give me the resources to lose the weight. I don't feel like it was my doing. I feel like I was sent help. I don't take that lightly. It is easy to just think people should lose weight. It is not about food. It is about addiction from trying to escape pain. Same as any other addiction. I am grateful I was giving the resources to see how to do it.

It seems like whenever I am about to learn a new concept, it is verified to me in a few other ways also. Does that mean I am hard headed or close minded? And God has to prepare my heart in several ways?

About this concept of just being even (that really is the best word for what I am describing) I had several exposures to it before I read about it. 1)My friend and  I talked about this, 2) I see this great example in Kristopher, 3) he and I talk about it, 4) and I read about the exact same thing in this new book Kristopher told me to read.

I'll admit it, this book freaked me out during the first chapters. The last thing I want to do is go to therapy and get a little bit quacky.  I don't know why exactly I think that could happen. Sometimes I just worry when someone is messing with your psyche. This book talks in depth about the "inner child" which just sounds quacky to me. And I think it makes me a little uncomfortable. But through reading two books that talk about the topic, I almost cannot deny the truth in it.

I emailed  Kristopher and he validated the book. He said he had read it and  that he really believed it. He said it was a scientifically proven theory and had helped in his own life. Because my trust level for Kristopher is so high, I continued on with the book. It soon quit freaking me out and I started to realize what I could learn from it.

Here is a brief overview of some of the book in regards to being an "even" healthy person. (From "Healing Your Aloneness" by Erika Chopich and Margaret Paul)

 It is about making your inner child and your adult come together in some sort of healthiness that stops addiction and codependency and creates inner peace and JOY. Some people's inner and adult child never separate and they have a "sense of wholeness within".  Sometimes "these two parts are disconnected  however because of being wounded, dysfunctional, or undeveloped, there is a sense of conflict, emptiness  and aloneness within."

When you inner adult and inner child are not working together.....

"....attempts to fill ourselves through addictions create low self esteem  anxiety and stress. These lead in turn to illness and magnify our feelings of aloneness, isolation, and emptiness. We generally feel internal conflict, since the Adult and Child are not working together to create harmony. We go through life feeling guilt and shame - guilt because we believe we are doing something wrong and shame because we believe there is something wrong with us as human beings."

but the contrast to that is when your Inner Adult and Inner Child are working together...you get...

(here is some of what it said that correlates with so much of Kristopher's behavior and what he has been trying to teach ME. He has been telling me and telling me how good it will be to get all this comfort from myself.)

"Personal Power and Softness"

"softness is the energy of warmth, tenderness, love, and power that emanates from people when they are in their Higher Selves. (This means their inner child and their inner adult are connected) At this moment they know and love themselves, do not shame or violate themselves and others, do not seek approval nor fear disapproval  are not self conscious  and do not take personally others' criticism, anger, or rejection. soft energy radiates from personal power, for when people know who they are, what they want, and how they feel, and they know they have the right to what they want and feel, then they cannot be dominated, controlled, or emotionally hurt by others. When we are in this state of owning our personal power we are beyond weakness, and beyond violence of any kind. We can afford to be soft because we are not weak."

And this is what Kristopher is like. This is who my friend's sweet husband is. Steady and even. Unaddicted and unswayed by every toss and turn. (sorry, a lot of weird water analogies I am throwing out here.) Not interested in moving into their therapist office for safety and comfort. They are already getting that from themselves.  They don't need outside sources to give it to them.

Apparently that is health.

And  true....

JOY.