real

I taught my lesson today at church.

Kristopher would have been very proud of me and that feels good. To have him proud of me. Although I had planned to teach my lesson this way before I knew he would be proud.

I told the sisters about my journey through therapy, as I felt it applied to the topic. My journey through having my faith in God's love for me renewed, even though I still struggle with it. My journey through coming to terms with the blessed knowledge that trials are really the "best news of the day", because that is when you receive such growth. My journey with the church's addiction and recovery program. About the times I thought about just driving myself straight into the telephone poles I would see, as I drove my kids to their many appointments.

I think I may have traumatized a few people. Several people told me, "You surprised me, you seemed so put together!"

And I was glad. I WANT to expose the hurt that WE ALL ARE GOING THROUGH. Because we ARE! That is why we are here!!!! To be challenged. So why are we surprised when life is.... CHALLENGING US OR THOSE AROUND US? No matter how put together we "seem", we are all battling SOMETHING.

And I told them that it turns out, 

rock bottom is a beautiful place to be.

I shared this lady's story

 and HER beautiful message of giving up her life for Christ and Him giving her a new and beautiful life. Please buy and read this book. Please please please. I think we should all donate to her charity. I am going to. If we all gave even ten dollars a month???? Think of what it could do for those kids! Easy PEASY!!!

I know Kristopher would be proud of my lesson because afterwards more than one sister thanked me for saying it like it is. One sister told me  how brave I was and how proud of me she was for sharing. One sister told another sister I had born my soul to them. And I had.

Last time in therapy Kristopher told me about a man who gave a talk in Sunday School and admitted to every one right then and there that he had been a porn addict for many years. That he had been in recovery for 8 months. Kristopher said he told the man that he was his best friend now. He was proud of this man for saying it like it is. For admitting his struggles. For not putting on pretense and pompous.

I think the time for us to just be "real" has come. None of us want to hurt alone. None of us want to think we are the "only" ones. We are not perfect. Our children are not perfect. Our lives are not perfect. Let's be not perfect together with love and support for one another.

I want you to hold my hand and help me through. And I want to hold yours. I want to love the sinner. And I want to be loved also, because I too am a sinner. And I know from the Spirit I have felt at those addiction recovery meetings in those rooms full of non perfect people, that God loves the sinner. That is a truth I KNOW. So He loves me.

Can we all be non perfect together? Can we all have non perfect children together? Can we all have non perfect houses together? Non perfect lives? Non perfect marriages? Non perfect M&M packages??? Only two brown tonight!!! Grr. Can we just all be real?