The big comfy couch.

This is so true it is SAD!

I saw Kristopher the other day.

I never knew the healing I was going to find in his office. I never knew I needed the healing I would find in his office. It has really been a surreal experience.

I never knew that going back through your child hood could be so healing to your adult self. It really has been weird. I mean it, weird.

If I had been reading this I might think "crazy town", so I really do understand if some of you may feel that way. In all honesty, I am positive Corey thinks "crazy town" :). It's okay. Because I know.

It is probably one of those things you have to go through yourself. I do have friends who have known about some of my "issues" who have seen the help I have received from it,and they get it.

And I really think that I have been blessed with the therapist I have. I have sent other people to him who have not connected the way I have. And I have sent people to him who have. So obviously it is a pretty personal thing. I feel very much like Heavenly Father took care of me. I feel like He watched over me and must love me because He led me to the place that fit for me. To a place I really didn't even know I needed.

Kristopher and I have sort of had to learn as we go what I "needed" and what was the best approach to help me. It has taken time. It has sometimes been trial and error.

Sometimes I felt like this...

Okay, not really. I just loved that picture. But often it did hurt and I would be mad at Kristopher. Because he was stretching me. And sometimes it was confusing and stunk and I guess he was safe to be mad at because he would often remind me I wasn't really mad at him. And there were so many times when I was like "why am I mad at him?"!!!

It has taken consistency and work and some hurt. It has taken him being extraordinarily insightful and trained and kind. Like super kind. For some reason I just really needed some kindness.

I think this year of therapy has just really helped me grow up. It's super embarrassing to say that. But even my friends can see that. And I can feel it. It kind of makes me feel stupid.

But I am stronger. And I have learned and learned all sorts of new ways of thinking and being mindful about your thoughts and I am working on learning boundaries.

I have messed up in a lot of ways with my girls. I taught them to be such push overs trying to teach them to be nice. Nice is great. But boundaries that protect yourself are very important as well. I never knew that before. So I have been working on teaching them that now.

When I first got to California and saw Wendy, she could not get over how much I have changed. And it wasn't about weight. She said I just looked "right". It was really a gift to me.

Want to see some more trip pictures? Can you believe I STILL have more to show you? I haven't even gotten to the whole reason why we went yet!

Lets show the Golden Gate Bridge ones tonight. It was a beautifully windy day! It was cool and cloudy and coldish and absolutely lovely. There were people all over walking the bridge and running across it for exercise and driving across it and it was just alive!

I loved it. I feel safe around people. When I go in the country and woods I am NERVOUS. Corey always says I have it backwards. But I just feel safe in the city.

Because of where we parked we got to walk UNDER the bridge!!!! SO exciting.

Getting ready to get on the bridge!!!!!

This is me, trying to get Sky to behave for a picture. He would always be a goof off.

This trip was a blessing just because I got to spend some really great time getting to know Sky and Zoe better. Usually when I see them I have my own monkeys and I can't bond with Sky and Zoe. I was glad they were all mine this trip. I couldn't get over how great they were. I learned about them. Sky wants to be a comedy writer and Zoe wants to be a singer/actress/model. Lol. Look at her styling that scarf! That is all her doing. And Sky is pretty funny so I think it will happen.

 My brother, Jason. He is three years older than me. He named me. He insisted that he wanted a "Susan" baby and he would cry if my parents suggested anything else.

Entering the bridge. I love this because Kassidy is so full of a love for life. She wanted this picture of her stepping on the bridge. 

Almost there!

Okay, that was a lot of pictures of us just GETTING to the bridge! Sheesh!

The bridge was amazing! How does this huge thing stay up???

A few views looking down. A helicopter even flew under the bridge!

After Wendy took this picture of me she said that here was a whole lot of craziness going on behind me. It cracks me up to look at it. And I think Wendy is funny.

So just because I was worried about the mental health of people who may want to jump off the bridge....I found this. I was glad. And I prayed it really worked. There would be nothing worse than picking that phone and no body being there. :(

So Wendy and Jason have an absurdly enormous couch. When I first sat on it I was like "What the what????  My legs couldn't even bend. They just stayed straight on the couch. Since Wendy, Jason, And Kky are all 6'2", they need a big couch. But fo reals!

Wendy and I started to joke about how "I would make dinner but...

I'm on the couch."

Or "I'd help with dishes but.....

the couch."

Or "I'd get up to go to bed but...

as you can see, the couch"

If you were on the couch you couldn't even be asked to do anything because everyone knows when you are on the couch, it is so awesomely big and deep and luxurious and all that a couch should be, that you certainly couldn't be expected to get up. It was just the way it was.

I love that couch. I miss it.