I hate a mess and a mess is my life right now.

I just want a clean house. Is that really to much to ask?

I think that the answer to that questions is YES. It is just too much to ask.

I assume, my infinitely, no matter how hard I try, mess, is just a stage of life. I assume there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But I am in a cave in and can't see any light. I am suffocating in despair of cleaning the same old thing up over and over. I think I am not ever going to have a clean house.

It is not in my destiny. And I REALLY love a clean house. I can't have peace in a not clean house. I feel burdened all the time. I wish I could just accept a mess for now. But it bugs me all the time.

Tonight I blew a gasket and seriously yelled I am never cleaning the house again, BLah BlAh BlaH and then I hear the door bell ring. And the window was open. Corey's friend, Doug, showed up for a computer repair. I was so sad. Here I am.... messy....unmade.... and displaying out of control mothering. Despair. Heavy sigh. And his wife always looks cute and skinney.

Then Rhett informed me he wanted to do the things dads do and get the spots out of the carpet.

(#1) Uh.... hello? Dads get spots out of the carpets? Did I miss something? I work like crazy and all he knows is that dads get spots out of the carpets???? ..... excuse me while I develop an eye twitch.... and #2) Yes, my adorable son, have at it. Go and be happy getting spots out of the carpet. And he was. For like almost an hour. And now he is vacuuming his room.

I must go now. Corey is singing a theme song to me.

The high light of my life is almost about to happen. King of Queens has switched it's time to 10:00 and now Corey and I must watch it every night and laugh. And last night we even ate ice cream. And while he jogged his lunaticy 7 miles I walked almost two. And then we ruined it with ice cream.



I am not a laugher during movies or jokes or comedians. It is actually really uncomfortable at times. Because people expect me to laugh during jokes or movies and I have to fake it but I am not good at that either and I just am not much of a laugh out loud kinda girl.

Corey is a laugher. He laughs so much that I actually questioned him last night during our show, if it was real or not. And it was. He laughs the whole show long.

Since I am not a laugher I feel all this pressure from Corey as he is laughing the whole time and then looking at me to see if I am going to laugh. It is just too much pressure. I can't laugh unless it is really really funny. And King of Queens strikes me as REALLY REALLY funny. I laugh like maybe five times a show. That is pretty good for me. Dougy is so hysterical. And I love his weight problem and the jokes about that. It cracks me up. You can buy the episodes for cheap online if you so desire. I haven't yet cause I have it on TV.