Happy 18th anniversary Corey! It has been quite a journey together! I love you!
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See my gorgeous flowers???
I love this cute one. They are totally in style now I guess. Cause all the peoples are wearing the fake ones in their hair. You know.... the REALLY BIG ones! I like the look though. I just can't pull it off.
The flowers are my "Happy Hunting Season to me" flowers (not anniversary flowers). I get them every year. I love flowers. Even if they are a huge waste of money. I still love them. That and perfume. I love perfume. And books. Love books. Okay, I am pretty easy to please.
But this Sunday I am appreciative of beautiful flowers sent to me every year as a gigantic sorry for marrying a full time hunter. I forgive you. But only cause I know how deeply you love your mountains.... and because I am going on a girls weekend super soon!
Also, you will all be glad to know that I am no longer fat and Bo announced it...again... during the sacrament meeting. This is me now...
"You not fat anymore, mommy!"
Nice, huh? I knew I had short legs!
This is Bo. He is so happy. I love it.
This is us in our house. I think our chimney might be smoking....which it really does. Smart, huh? He told me it was our house...but it looks like it has legs. And ears. And eyes. I don't know.
I guess I should be thankful I am not Rhett. Here is what he looks like...
Doesn't he look like a skull? Creepola.
This is Bo. He is so happy. I love it.
This is us in our house. I think our chimney might be smoking....which it really does. Smart, huh? He told me it was our house...but it looks like it has legs. And ears. And eyes. I don't know.Anyway, today the choir sang my favorite hymn. I sang in my heart with them as I have the words ingrained in my being.
"Where Can I Turn for Peace"
I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time but, I now know that I suffered tremendously, once upon a time, from OCD. I don't think it was really recognized the way it is now but, thanks to our stint with cable TV, I have learned that that is what I was dealing with. At the time I really just thought I was crazy or disturbed, but now any doctor would have recognized my symptoms.
It would have been a relief to know. Instead I just relied on my mother and best friend to help me through my hard times. And I suffered internally quite a bit. I know that is dramatic but it is earnestly true.
When I went off to Rick's College and was still struggling, I would go to the Snow building where there were rooms full of pianos. I only had piano lessons a few years.
Quiting is still in the top five of my all time biggest life regrets.
But I had enough lessons to read the notes and plunk out some simplified songs. I would lock myself in this sound proof room, all by myself, and play and sing this song over and over receiving relief from it's very words. Receiving comfort and support. Receiving love and peace from my Heavenly Father. (He is crazy about me you know. Dave Ramsey told me so the other day.) Receiving strength and maybe even forgiveness.
Playing in that room was a gift. It was relief. It was peace and love and more peace and more relief wrapped up in music notes and words. It was also gratitude for a few measily notes I never forgot, enabling me to play a tiny bit, which helped to give me that peace.
I know where to turn.... sometimes we all just need a little reminder.
Where Can I turn for peace,
Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole.
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart, searching my soul
Where, when my aching grows,
Where when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand
He, only One.
He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching,
In my Gethsemane,
Savior and Friend
Gentle the peace he finds
for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind
Love without end.
Where Can I turn for peace,
Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole.
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart, searching my soul
Where, when my aching grows,
Where when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand
He, only One.
He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching,
In my Gethsemane,
Savior and Friend
Gentle the peace he finds
for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind
Love without end.
3 comments:
I love that hymn Susan. And I love that you are so honest. You are so refreshing. Not many people are so honest about their shortcomings (especially here in Donny Osmond world). You make me smile every time I read your blog. I don't think there is any quality in a person I admire more than honesty. So, you my friend, are among my favorite people in the forsaken place.
Oh Susan! Flowers are not a waste a money - they are some of God's most beautiful creations that lift the spirit. Plastic things clutter your home, glass things break - but flowers gladden your heart and then go away to make room for the next batch so life is never boring! I have sunflowers in my house right now - only $5 at Wal-Mart! I buy flowers for myself every time I think of it. =)
I wonder if there is anyone out there that hasn't dealt with OCD? I'm sorry you went through all that - it's good that people are more aware today than they were in years past.
God is always there though, in many forms. Including hymns. ;)
And I LOOOOVE those drawings! =D
Kim said...You are such a beautiful writer. Happy Anniversary!
Amy said...Thanks for being my friend, Susan! Your blog always makes me smile!
Nancy said...What a cute picture of you. Bo knows how to brighten a day!
Love your writing. You are one talented woman! Love ya.
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