Facing me some fears!

This probably won't seem like a big deal to most. But it was a milestone for me.

We grew up going to amusement parks. We had two major ones in Colorado. I loved them.

I knew while I was heavy that I would never go. The horrendous chance that they went not be able to put the safety bars on me and I would be asked to get off the ride was just too traumatizing to even risk. This was just one of the many ways I was a prisoner in my larger body.

So when I was asked to chaperon my kid's trip to the amusement park, my first inclination was to say no. And then I realized..."Why in the holy heck not!"

So I said yes and I went yesterday.

And it was reinforced to me that I really like kids that age. The bus trip was a joy. The kids were sweet and fun and happy to chat with. They shared their chocolate with me and were always very sweet when I was supposed to check in with them or had to correct them. One told me she hated her home and would move in with me in a heart beat. That hurt. That she was ready to move in with a stranger who was a little bit nice to her. Kids just want to be treated respectfully. Just like the rest of us.

At one point the bus driver drove past a police station and he said..."Here is where your parents will be picking you up if you don't behave today". I know he thought he was funny. And maybe he is used to rowdy kids. But I was seriously bothered. Why do we, as adults, do that? Why do we treat kids as if they are going to be naughty first. If that was done to us we wouldn't care about doing good. If someone already was expecting us to do wrong. I just think kids deserve better than we give them sometimes.

So as we got close to amusement park I started screaming a tiny bit with fear as I looked at the rides. The kids and I talked and they had ridden them all. I was like "No! I can't!"

When we got off the bus and I saw these rides up close...

an inner freak out happened to me and I told Kassidy we were doing it and we walked full speed ahead to the one that was supposed to be the scariest of them all.

All I could think of was

 "OH YEAH WORLD!!!! I AM FACING MY FEAR!!!!! AND YOU AIN'T GOING TO STOP ME" (although I would just never say ain't)

I had to force my Kassidy girl to go.

I told her that Kristopher said we had to face our fears and we were doing it. (And of course she rolled her eyes because she is over hearing about what Kristopher says.)

And it was then that I really felt the importance of this.

It has been creeping in me for a few weeks now but it really solidified on my walk to find "Wicked".

We had to do it. 

We had to!

Even though I am full of anxiety even when I am not on a death trap. Even though only teenagers are checking to make sure the bars that keep you from plunging to your death are secure. Even though I am petrified of heights.

Kristopher told me he was going sky diving on his birthday.

Me.."WHY?"

Him..."Because I am scared of doing it. I am going to face my fear."

Me...."Hm." And I pondered it.

And I began to realized that when we face our fears they lose their power over us.

Most people run from their fears.

WE HAVE IT WRONG, MY FRIENDS.
We need to be running to our fears. Face them full speed ahead.

SO. THAT. THEY. GO. AWAY. 

They can not control us any more when we face them. WHAT A MIRACLE. WHAT POWER WE HAVE OVER OURSELVES!

It makes me very happy. It frees my insides. It liberates me.

As we were headed to Wicked we found a friend and her sweet husband and they helped me get through all the known scariest rides in the park. And I did it. I rode ALL the scariest ones. And Kassidy was drug along with me the whole time against her will. Being forced to face her fear by her mother who has one to many therapy sessions.

And I was pretty terrified at times. But it was a GREAT time. And I feel so good about myself. My voice hurt so much from SCREAMING. The friends we were with laughed so much about it.

We rode "The Roller Coaster" which is one of those old wood roller coasters  The sound of the wood roller coaster is music to my ears. I really really love that sound. We went on some ride that shoots you straight up and then drops you. And we went on some ride that slowly brings you to the top (sitting at the top was the scariest thing for me. I almost panicked.) and then drops you. AHHHH.

So...

Great day.

I went on as many rides as we could and I fit in every single one without even a worry.

I was completely comfortable on the bus ride in my smaller size.

I rode the rides and faced my fears like a champ.

I taught my girl to face her fears. We discussed the importance of what that does for you.

My kids will remember me as a mom who "did". I want them to see me living!

AND AS AN ADDED BONUS...

we rediscovered Dippin' Dots!!!!!

About seven years ago I had Dippin' Dots in California and have been in love ever since. But they are no where to be found. Until yesterday. We had them twice. They were that great.

P.S. My camera got wet on a ride and I lost the few pictures I had. SO SAD. But here is two Kassidy took of us on the bus.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom! LOVE YOU TONS! WOULDN'T WANT ANOTHER MOTHER!

Here is the great wish Kassidy gave me today. Goof ball!

And then she really wrote me this. I don't share it to brag. I share it cause LOOK! She learned form facing your fears!!! So awesome.

To my mom: Thanks for always being there for me and giving me advice that I would follow (sometimes). Thanks for leading me and helping me along the way to the start of a new day and a new life. Thanks for comforting me and forcing me to go rides that I don't want too. Thanks for teaching me that I can do hard things and that I need to face my fears. Thanks for everything you've done, nurturing, comforting, loving me endlessly, caring for me, providing for me, and being one of my best friends. You're the greatest and I never would want another mom! I'm proud of you! I'm proud that you stayed strong and went through the difficult times and faced fears and screamed in my ear in Lagoon. Your so beautiful! I can't imagine life without you! Your always there for me! Someone that I can look up to and go to when I need someone! Thanks for believing in me and trusting me and teaching me things that sometimes I don't want to know. ;) I'm sorry for acting the way I do. Thank you for everything. Your better than the best and thanks for trying your hardest! Your wonderful and I love you

And...she Facebooked me this! So funny. 

It said that Hugh wanted to wish me a Happy Mother's Day. Ba ha. Love me some Hugh though. I mean really. He is pretty beautiful.

And just so you don't think my life is perfect (I despise lives that seem all perfect)  here are my dishes today. On Mother's Day. Not one kid would do them. Even though it was Mother's Day. Our dish washer broke. And I refused to touch them. Obviously no one did them yesterday while I was gone either (Corey was gone as well). So there you go! Some reality for ya.

Ta da!